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Al Qaeda Split Over Obama Overtures

Al Qaeda Split Over Obama Overtures

A source in al Qaeda’s inner circle tells Al Jazeera that hardliners oppose Osama bin Laden’s decision to alter the organization’s tactics in response to President Barack Obama’s overtures to the Muslim world. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Carville Named “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar”

Carville Named “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar”

Washington – Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano introduced James Carville today as the Department’s new “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar.” A political science professor at Tulane, Carville is inexplicably married to Republican strategist Mary Matalin. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

US Fathers Pledge to Model Obama: Promise Kids Puppy If Elected President

US Fathers Pledge to Model Obama: Promise Kids Puppy If Elected President

Taking up the difficult charge requested of the nation’s newest president, fathers around the country have stepped up to make difficult choices and keep hope alive in the next generation. Many are doing this by emulating the exact behavior of Barack Obama and promising their dog demanding children that they too can have a puppy… you know, when dad gets elected president. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Kidz Zone, Politics0 Comments

God Answers McCain’s Prayers with Resounding “No”

God Answers McCain’s Prayers with Resounding “No”

God, highest imagined power in all the universe, perhaps best known as the creator of day and night, took a few minutes away from his daily chore of answering billions of prayers for wealth, fame and sexual partners to publicly address a persistent request from one of his most visible, though least faithful followers, John McCain. “No,” said God, with a chorus of angels in accompaniment. “I will not honor the requests of you or Sarah Palin. Sorry. I have bigger things to deal with and you should stop praying to me for this.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by new information suggesting Greenland may instead lie to the northeast of Virginia, insisting, “If we change course now, the terrorists win.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union

J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union

After months of inflationary pressure and exterior expansion, sources close to J-Lo’s ass are reporting the beefy rump intends to secede from the main body of Ms. Lopez. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

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