Bi-Partisan Summit Ends Aprubtly After Attendees Unable to Agree Who Gets to be the Car in Monopoly

Monopoly strikes again. No, not the kind that FDR broke-up in the 1930s. This is the kind that tears families apart and tests the boundaries of the relationships of the participants involved.

This is a game that often ends in name-calling and ridiculing Uncle Herman for his obviously fake toupée. This is the board game Monopoly, and it is some serious s*it.

RIGHT: Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) seen here camping out in the Monopoly race car, just to make sure no one else gets it. (CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

With Washington constantly facing polarizing issues such as health care, the budget, and immigration, it is important for members of Congress to occasionally arrange meetings or socialize to some degree across the aisle with members of the opposing party.

Often, these meetings involve members exchanging generic complements and crop dusting members of the other party on the way to their third helping at the buffet. While policy is often discussed, little, if any, headway is made during these meetings.

One recent bi-partisan summit has ended with much controversy. It was Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), in an effort to show off his free market skills, that suggested the members of the summit enjoy a game of Monopoly. As anyone who is familiar with Paul Ryan knows, this is not the first terrible idea he has come up with. Unlike Medicare vouchers, an idea which went no where, this one was able to gain traction.

Before members could show off their mad laissez faire styles, an argument erupted that could be heard from a hundred yards away(Even Joe Biden could hear it two floors up in the fake meeting room given to him prior to the event). That’s when Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) could be heard shouting at Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA), “Why the hell should you get to be the car? We wouldn’t have an auto industry if it were not for you!”

Cantor candidly countered back, “Shouldn’t you be apologizing on television for”

That was when things got out of hand. Partisan lines were quickly drawn on the issue within the room. Not surprisingly, the Tea Party caucus members then expressed their discontent with the GOP’s obsession with the car piece and felt that the car piece somehow represented socialism; a connection they never got around to explaining, however. Also par for the course, their complaints went largely unnoticed in all the scuffle.

As soon as the commotion began, it then came to an abrupt end when Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), in an effort to diffuse the situation, falsely exclaimed that a lobbyist was downstairs handing out trips to Jamaica. Within seconds, the room was cleared. No one can clear a room like Rand Paul.

Author: selfdeprecate

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