Category: Politics
Kris Kringle Appointed Head of NSA
Phoenix, AZ- He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. Now he hears who you are talking to so be good for goodness sake. The “Jolly Old Man,” otherwise known as Kris Kringle has been appointed to…
Movement for New State “North Colorado” Meets Opposition from Reality
“What makes no sense is the current movement by 10 counties in northern Colorado and a few in Nebraska and Kansas to band together to make a new state called North Colorado.” – The New York Times – July 11,…
Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings
WASHINGTON D.C. – Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party – which comprises some of his most…
City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary
DEATH NOTICE – The City of Toronto — The City of Toronto (known to her friends as The Greater Toronto Area or GTA for short) expired on November 14th in the Council Chamber of City Hall. The immediate cause of…
Republicans Finally Come Up With Health Care Plan For ‘Those People’
The Republicans, after years of doing nothing but bash President Obama’s Health Care Act, have at last introduced one of their own. Pooling their vast knowledge of human caring with aid from their endless sources of think tanks they have…
Backward-Walking Politician has Limited Use of Political Platitudes
Due to a rare neurological disorder, Rupert Farfenoogle can walk only backwards. He can’t face backwards, so he uses a system of rearview mirrors strapped around his upper arms to see where he’s walking. From a young age, Mr. Farfenoogle…
Dispelling the Myths About Seatac’s $15 Minimum Wage
I’ve been active with the Yes on Prop One (Seatac’s citizen initative to raise minimum wage for airport workers to $15/hr) since I signed the petition. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there, so let’s clear them…
Stripped of More Constitutionally Sacred Freedoms, Hoosiers View Impending Smoking Ban as No Big Whoop
INDIANAPOLIS – In light of the Indiana Supreme Court’s decision last May declaring it illegal to resist unlawful police entry into their homes and the recently passed National Defense Authorization Act of 2012, a provision of which permits indefinite detention…
Torontonians Say Mayor Rob Ford’s Scandals Make their City Too Interesting
Dateline: TORONTO—Toronto’s citizens are mortified by the world’s mockery of their Mayor Rob Ford for his many scandals, such as his admitting to having smoked crack cocaine while in office, because they fear Toronto will lose its status as the…
Tribal Antics of Canadian Question Period Melt Face off of Skull, Study Shows
Dateline: OTTAWA—A study headed by Dr. Lawrence Dipplerdoo, medical researcher at McGill University, indicates that excessive exposure to Question Period at the Canadian House of Commons can be fatal. In an interview, Dr. Dipplerdoo said that if you watch all…