Category: Politics
President Trump Trashes Oval Office
White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office. ‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’ ‘He…
Psychiatrists Reach Opposite Conclusions About President Trump’s Mental Health
Dateline: NEW YORK CITY—On Monday, Feb 15, the New York Times published a letter signed by 37 psychiatrists who expressed severe doubts about President Trump’s mental health. Trump “appears to have had the fragile mind of a two-year old implanted…
U.S. Department Stores Renew War on Christmas
If you haven’t entered a department store since early October, local man Skip Peters thinks you may be in for a shock. “Not one employee will wish you a merry Christmas,” he claims. According to Peters, stores across the country…
Top Stories in The News – Alternative Facts Edition
[The following news summary has been approved by the White House Ministry of Clarifying Communications and Truthful Facts, the greatest, most truthlike communications ministry in American history.] Contrary to the endless lies propagated by fake news sources like CNN, The…
Black Bloc Goes Vérité On Milo’s Ass
I read somewhere that Black Bloc is a tactic and not necessarily a group. That’s scary stuff. Knocking heads and setting fires isn’t a new idea. But the idea of doing it just for the hell of it seems to…
Anarchists Against Anarchy
Anarchists are getting pissed because the role of the honest anarchist is becoming a pitiful, diluted version of itself. Once proud agitators, archduke whackers and bomb chuckers, they are now being eclipsed by these neo-anarchists who agitate by proxy for…
DNC Discovers Secret of Transformational Leadership
Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—A Democratic National Committee taskforce concluded its investigation into how Donald Trump has managed to be a transformational president.
Republican Party Flip-Flop, Embrace ‘Sodomy’
Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. Ezekiel 16: 49
Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse
In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse. At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that…
Coalition of a Hundred Countries goes to War for Regime Change in the United States
Dateline: MOSCOW, Year Three After Trump—Three years into Trump’s presidency, a “new coalition of the willing,” of over a hundred countries led by Russia, China, and Europe declared war on Trump’s “rogue regime,” citing in a public statement: “the lunacy…