Anarchists Against Anarchy

Anarchists are getting pissed because the role of the honest anarchist is becoming a pitiful, diluted version of itself. Once proud agitators, archduke whackers and bomb chuckers, they are now being eclipsed by these neo-anarchists who agitate by proxy for profit. Meaning they get paid well for getting other people to do the dirty work.

I now belong to the group called Anarchist Against Anarchy (Please don’t try to turn it into an acronym and then call me to come tow your car). A real anarchist never truly wanted to destroy everything. Tom can never catch Jerry. We know better. But this new cadre doesn’t care. They are doing it for money and fame. Historically, the most lethal combination of desires.

My father was an anarchist but he’s in jail now. They accused him of being a “destabilizing agent” and tucked him far out of sight. But he was nothing compared to those who are cashing in on modern anarchy. My dad always wore a mask, even to bed. His anarchist buddies would come over for a meeting and they would all be wearing masks. Everybody has heard the old anarchist joke, “You are only safe if even you don’t know who you are.” Nowadays, they don’t they wear masks. They actually advertise themselves.

My dad used to hide behind fences, today these guys hide behind their personalities. Clever stuff. In the old days someone would yell, “Oh look, an anarchist.” And everyone would run away screaming. With the new guys we laugh at their jokes, buy their books and believe everything they say.

I remember my mom rubbing my forehead and telling me stories to help me forget about my hunger. No one would hire my dad because he was a provocateur and wore a mask. Now the provocateurs wear makeup for the cameras and get 500 dollar haircuts. I don’t get it. And my father is in prison because they’re afraid of what he’s going to say? On a good day, he might gather a crowd of five people. Him and the four government agents paid to follow him around. But, these guys bloviate to millions every day. Who is the greater threat?

Can you be an anarchist and be against anarchy? Well, can you be a free speech advocate and set stuff on fire to keep other people from speaking? I remember the days when the anarchists got tossed into the same bowl as those nihilists. Those are the guys who give themselves headaches by outthinking everything. While we all fret about that, the anarchists by proxy for profit, the new guys, are blaring their bullshit ‘round the clock.

The anarchists by proxy for profit are whuppin’ everybody up and trying to get them to do what we never really wanted to do. Bring it all down. I suspect the morons really want to catch Jerry. When that happens what the hell are we all going to do?

Take the Pierre-Josephs, Emmas, Lucys and Alexanders. Regardless of what you think about how they thought about things you can never say they were anything but forthright, committed, hounded and butt poor.

Now take the Bills, Rachaels, Seans and Wolfs. They are wily, slippery, pampered and rich. They stoop to the dox for dough. Don’t let them fool you. They would do nothing for free these days. Which should instantly make you suspicious. But they’ve convinced everyone they are doing it for the cause. Their own as it turns out.

When they finally talk the dimwits into catching the car, guess who’s going to be there? And guess who won’t.

Author: Tom Skulldaney