Archive | Politics

Sarko in China: “Monsieur Jinping, Break Down This Wall”

Sarko in China: “Monsieur Jinping, Break Down This Wall”

Nicolas Sarkozy is universally renowned and respected as the man who single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall, restored the constitutional liberties and privileges of “La République,” and ended forever the reign of jihadist terror in the entire “monde non civilisée.”

But his aura is slipping somewhat. France’s most genial, witty, charismatic, and talented “notable public figure” has upset the government of a leading nation.

Admittedly, as the Chinese Communist Party is not a straight-vanilla late-capitalist White Anglo Saxon corporatist legislative entity like France… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Kim Jong-Un is reportedly flipping his shit since the wide release of “The Interview”, which even his most dastardly designs did nothing to diminish.

We’re about halfway done filming ours, and I must say, it… looks… amazing. “The Interview” was pure Hollywood, but ours aims to really take the piss out of him and his absurd hermit kingdom.

Here is a pre-pre-trailer to show you what we’ve got so far, but if you scroll down far enough and read things close enough, you’ll get to see an actual clip from the movie to show you what we’re doing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Video News6 Comments

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (2/2)

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (2/2)

Continuing what I said yesterday about about John Kerry’s ethically problematic text on war rape and its pro-“Humanity” implications…

Of course, there is fierce market competition among the The Party of Humanity, rather as there are among all religious cults, sects, and militant creeds in general.

But of course, what unifies each of these Communities of (Absolute) Truth is a tendency to diminish and trivialize the suffering of individuals. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary1 Comment

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (1/2)

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (1/2)

As Hillary Clinton has announced she is running for the US Presidency, it is probably a good time to take a broader look at the potential pitfalls of politicians being presented as “feminists.”

I don’t dispute that feminism (however defined) is a good thing.

But there is nothing “innocent” about prominent political figures portrayed in glowing ethical terms (even when the presentation is only being made by their supporters). Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.

Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.

The 2016 Presidential Election is starting out with snail like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy.

The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not let out into the community eye is that each and every one of them is a surgically altered Borg. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics5 Comments

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (2/2)

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (2/2)

Unlike Khomeini-ite Fiqh, TULIP-flavor Calvinism, and other scientific and empirically rigorous political discourses, “nice guy” and “friendzoning” are ideological aberrations that are completely detached from reality.

Still, that didn’t stop Khameini giving it to us one last time:

I mean, there are so many jumpy, rowdy, jerk-off pricks who treat other guys really, really, REALLY badly! And Putin doesn’t mind THEM!

Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism1 Comment

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (1/2)

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (1/2)

Some would say that The Enemies Of Our Glorious Nation™ are quarrelsome folk.

(Or if not “enemies of America,” at least the enemies of the non-satire news media and of The International Beltway Community).

Still, there is such a thing as honor among thieves; or if not honor among thieves, at least honor among “Recalcitrationists Of The Universal Interest.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Lincoln Monuments Attacked When Americans Realize He Created Income Tax

Lincoln Monuments Attacked When Americans Realize He Created Income Tax

Upon reading an article in a national newspaper stating that Abraham Lincoln was the one responsible for starting federal income tax, angered Americans across the country began a hate campaign against all memorabilia of the formerly beloved President.

Mobs in Washington D.C. went after the Lincoln Memorial with sledge hammers and axes this morning rendering the huge statue legless after a couple hours. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics2 Comments

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (2/2)

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (2/2)

Nick Clegg might not have won the election yet, but he still has the chance to be the next Anthony Eden…

Or at least David Cameron, at a push. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (1/2)

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (1/2)

Almost forgot the name of that there oul’ party until the objective BBC™ reminded me.

As them there boys on Radio Ulster say, “You boys get around, don’t ye?”

Not normally a compliment. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

The Ballad of “Old Hillary”

The Ballad of “Old Hillary”

THE BALLAD OF “OLD HILLARY” (sung to “The Battle of New Orleans”)

In twenty-fifteen we had a little slip
Along with Hillary Clinton on her presidential trip.
She wrote a little book but it didn’t sell so well
Then we fought the bloody Congress in a game of pick and tell.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

We looked at our server and we see’d the emails come
There must have been a thousand of ‘em waitin’ to be spun.
They spoke so loud that they’d make the headlines sing
So we fingered our delete key and didn’t say a thing.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Old Hillary said we can take ‘em by surprise
If we delete my emails and fool them with our lies.
We held our breath til we see’d the emails go
Then we fixed our server so they would never show. Well,

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Oh, they ran through the shredder and our lawyers’ beady eyes
And they ran past the reporters who couldn’t see our lies.
They ran so fast that Congress couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

We used our server til it couldn’t serve no more
Then we grabbed some scissors to finish our chore.
We cut those emails that had a tale to tell
‘Bout the story of Bengazi that didn’t go so well.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Oh, they ran through the shredder and our lawyers’ beady eyes
And they ran past the reporters who couldn’t see our lies.
They ran so fast that Congress couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore!

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Posted in Politics2 Comments

Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)

Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)

No, look, look, let’s cut to the chase. This is a textbook example of deliberate smear tactics! A cynical, malicious, orchestrated campaign of personal vilification against some admittedly somewhat fallible individuals…
Who somehow, God forbid, DARED to presume to lack the all-seeing, pristinely perfect, absolutely comprehensive omniscience that their critics so unjustly demand of them…
And which their critics no doubt cynically attribute to themselves alone.
Well, if you dare to arrogantly and maliciously single out the Germans like that, all I can say is: God help the rest of us mere mortals!
Well? What do you think?
Is there ANYONE ON EARTH who could even come close to these hideously high standards, these highfaluting moral and epistemological criteria, to which the Germans have been so unfairly and arbitrarily subjected?
Well, if that’s how it’s to be, how many of us will be left standing on that great and grand day of judgment, when the innocent sheep of good character and goodwill shall be vindicated and receive their eternal reward…
While the vicious goats who abused their power and tyrannized over others without mercy will themselves receive no mercy, and will be finally cast into eternal perdition?
No, believe me, this is not rhetoric.
(Well, it never is, is it?)
No, let me tell you now! This is deadly serious, and if anyone takes these matters lightly, they’ll one day discover, to their cost, that it’s all too late…
And that they have wasted their life, spilled their talents on the ground, the same ground which cries unto high Heaven for justice against the oppressor…
As they drown and choke in the blood of the innocent, fearfully screaming to themselves, but all too late, that they’ve wasted every last opportunity they had once been offered to do good for others, so that they could save themselves from everlasting punishment…
Having chosen instead the path of harming others; by inflicting evil and oppression on their fellow human beings, they also have lost everything they ever had, and would nevermore know so much as a single moment’s peace…
No, it’s all too late; not one of their victims will so much as dip their finger in a drop of water, to cool the the blazing tongue of their oppressor.
No, we should all be quite clear: when that day finally arrives, it will be too late for tears…
And anyone who begs and pleads for just one last, final chance to make amends and atone for their crimes will find the doors of Heaven shut forever..
And you know what? It’ll be nothing less that they deserve.
Yes: “Judge not, and you will not be judged,” that’s what I say.
Jesus actually said that. He’s a very wise man who admires me very much (or… never mind)…
And he actually agrees with me on quite a lot of things, believe you me; and that’s one of them. We have rather a lot in common, you know.
Well, except perhaps that Jesus was rather absolutist and dogmatic at times, not always understanding the importance of seizing the moment and dynamically re-configuring his strategic ethical objectives and methods…
Which is something I daresay I’m rather better at!
But I don’t want to boast. No one’s ever accused me of being arrogant, and I certainly don’t want to start now.
Well, I mean, I’ve got away with just the odd pomo-ironically detached smattering of self-congratulation fairly well so far, don’t you think? 😉
Never mind.
No, forgive me, I’m telling you now, it’s simply INTOLERABLE that individuals of perfectly good character and intentions have been ridiculed, smeared, mocked, criticized, treated like the scum of the earth…
Just for making one little mistake that, let’s be honest, anyone in this world could easily have made.
I mean, to err is but human, to forgive divine. Just don’t be resentful, and stop taking a one-sided, dogmatic, and prejudiced view of the issue! ~______~
Still, I must confess I myself do have an issue or two with a few aspects of what the Germans did; but we just have to put these things into perspective, don’t we! 😀
Yes, I mean, seriously, it’s like, you know: can any one of you state with 100% infallible certainty that you would never have made such a perfectly human and excusable error?
…OF COURSE NOT!
No, no, please, let me insist on just this point, just this this once.
The people who make light of the terrible sufferings of the Holocaust and World War II, with all their cynical, ignorant, purely politically motivated and opportunistic criticisms; THEY are the REAL criminals.
Yes, indeed. You know, we all know, it’s bad enough to kill and torture countless innocent people. I wouldn’t want to make light of that at all, believe you me.
Then again…
No, I mean, let’s face it, to then round upon the people who, you claim, are somehow, in way or another, you know, just flat-out GUILTY of these deaths, in some radically indeterminate and conveniently unqualified manner…
Well, that really just takes the biscuit! It’s simply despicable, and shows an utter lack of common human decency and self-restraint.
Well, yes… no, if you’d the slightest idea what a pretentious, cynical, insincere charlatan you sound like, let me tell you, you would never open your mouth again.
No, you will try to maliciously twist what I’m saying for the sake of some petty political capital, like you did with my Iraq dossier, but you will not succeed.
No, believe me, I’m used to it. Lots of people criticize me, but d’you know why?
Well yes, at the end of the day, there is only one reason that I’m ever criticized.
Any ideas?
Yes, you’re right.
Opportunism.
Just sheer, cynical, unadulterated, Machiavellian opportunism. That’s the ONLY REASON I have EVER been criticized in this world. 🙁
And I tell you what; you know what?
Well, the people of Britain; they’ve just had enough.

You never spoke a truer word, Tony.
Oh wait, that sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it!

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

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