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Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem

Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem

The new Newt Gingrich is re-branding himself as the Ideas Man™ of the Republican Party, but this time he’s outdone even himself with an astonishingly innovative solution.

“You know what, everybody? We all know about the fiscal responsibility problem, and it’s really intractable. Too much dogmatism on both sides, unwillingness to compromise, the whole complexity of the situation. You know I’m no idealist, I’m a practical thinker, not a bookworm. (Ouch!™ fail!). Continue Reading

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Rand Paul Reaches Out To Dems, Promises Not to Ban “Washing-up” Agenda

Rand Paul Reaches Out To Dems, Promises Not to Ban “Washing-up” Agenda

Some Republicans view Rand Paul as a potentially divisive figure (i.e. one who will take some of their support away in critical demographics), but some of his opponents are actually impressed how he has built bridges with Democrats at cross-party meetings.

“You know,” says Rand’s new ally, Barney Frank, “I wasn’t all that sure about our good pal Senator Rand Paul at first, but I’m really impressed at his cooperative spirit. We sit around a table, decide who’s gonna do what, agree about it, and we get down to work.”

Paul even said this division of labor reminded him of that chapter in Adam Smith. Frank agreed with him: “You are so right, Rand!” They even devised the “washing up” agenda, which is best described thusly: Continue Reading

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Conservatives and Liberals Still Trying to Convert Each Other

Conservatives and Liberals Still Trying to Convert Each Other

WASHINGTON – A new poll of 1,000 American adults reveals that both conservatives and liberals believe it is possible to “convert” other people to change their political orientation.

The recent Gallmausen poll found that more than 63% of Americans believe that they can convince other people to adopt their position through such rhetorical tactics as shouting at them, incessantly repeating themselves, and vicious name-calling. Continue Reading

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Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems and Reps Unimpressed

Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems and Reps Unimpressed

Senator Rand Paul and Reverend Al Sharpton have shown some interparty solidarity and cut up a blueberry pie™ into equal slices at a dialogue and lunch event.

Hey listen, this man Senator Rand Paul is great!

gushes Reverend Al:

I mean, I haven’t seen such mutual engagement and co-operation for a long time!

Well, not since the US State Department got to working with Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to bring down President Assad, anyhow!

Well, let me tell you something, we can work with this man alright! And that blueberry pie; oh my gosh, I’ve never had such succulent blue-sky-colored berries and crusty pastry… wow!

Mmm-hm! Wow! You said, ‘Reverend Al, where’s our blueberry pie?’ Let me tell you something, my friend; the blueberry pie’s right here!

Mmm! Sorry about that! But yeah, I mean, this Senator is cooking up something really special!

Senator Paul is also buoyant:

Reverend Al is not only a hero of the Civil Rights Movement, but from this day forward, I am deeply honored to call him a friend.

I mean, this is just so exciting. I’ve never had a black friend of color before!

But listen carefully. Reverend Al, this good buddy of mine, he just seems like a normal, regular guy…

You know, like all the straight, male, white guys at the GOP I normally hang around with!

Now listen up, everybody. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that black people are bad folks.

I mean, hell, we need as many votes from the African American community as we can get!

Yeah, I mean, racism just doesn’t make sense, where we are now, the modern world, 2015…

Leading up to 2016! I mean, I couldn’t possibly justify our alienating any more black voters!

So yeah, we’re gonna have to have some more dialogue meetings like this.

And more: I promise you this Al, next time, you will have your chance to speak, as much as anyone else!

Hm. Um, Al. I kinda think you and your friends have had enough. D’you mind letting me have the rest of this stuff?

I mean, this was all a good idea, but I don’t want to take it too far.

Yeah, let’s not go overboard here. Fair’s fair!

But others in both the Republic and Democratic Parties (surprisingly) are skeptical. Rick Perry says:

I don’t think all those greedy Democrats™ at this shallow publicity stunt™ deserved such a ridiculously large slice of pie. They have contributed very little to this country. All this talk about cutting up the pie™, I’m sick of it! Déjà vu city!

Hillary Clinton is unimpressed too:

So… let me get this straight. I know it sounds like I’m repeating myself time and time again, but Reverend Al has a lifetime’s experience of™ pastoral work, preaching, providing spiritual counseling, and plenty of civil activism. What does Rand Paul have™?

Yes, what does Rand Paul have? Just one insignificant little picture of him, stuffing his face with a DESSERT! He won’t succeed! There’s just no way on earth this man deserves to be President!

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Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network™ MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations™ that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:

“The enemies of the Democratic Party™, is there any depths to which they will not stoop™ to insult this woman with malicious and self-evidently false™, I mean absolutely ridiculously implausible allegations™?

“I believe if Hillary Clinton were a man, no-one would ever criticize her in this way™. Continue Reading

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Pelosi gets tough on Pope Francis regime

Pelosi gets tough on Pope Francis regime

It seems not everybody is charmed by Pope Francis. Indeed, one prominent US politician, Nancy Pelosi, is planning very stern measures to punish what she considers to be the brutal and savage policies and order of governance by His Holiness.

In a tearful Youtube video that Britney Spears has already endorsed, Pelosi explains: “The Church humiliated me™ because of my Principled Liberal Moral Stances™. Continue Reading

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Obama Blocks Republicans’ Salaries – Saudis Step In

Obama Blocks Republicans’ Salaries – Saudis Step In

Obama has issued an executive order to block salaries to Republican Congressmen. They responded by saying “They would impeach his black ass”.

Democratic Congressmen have hailed this as the best step Obama has taken so far. This said, Republican Congressmen ended up better off than they were. Continue Reading

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Congress Gets Unusually Creative In Its Ways Of Kicking Down Obama

Congress Gets Unusually Creative In Its Ways Of Kicking Down Obama

Just when you would think that Congress (aka Republicans) could not get any more creative in their undermining of just about every move that Obama makes they come with something that leaves you aghast that they actually do possess some degree of creativity.

No longer stonewalling and counter measuring everything the non-white man President does the Congress passed a measure to sue Obama over the actions he is taking in using Presidential procedure to make decisions.

Funny, they never did this when George the Second Bush went way beyond his legislative abilities to pass laws and to gut simple human rights (aided by his caretaker Dick aka. Vader Cheney).

As I remember they who are now so indignant at Obama sat back in their high seats and snickered. In other words its OK when one of their own good old boys do it, but not when the black whippersnapper does. Am I wrong or isn’t that the basis for fascism?

In an effort to waste more time and taxpayer money the Repubs are starting a ridiculous lawsuit designed to make themselves look good and tough and Obama bad. It is all part of a continuous manipulative effort to make better their chances for election wins in the present mid-term and for the 2016 Presidential election.

It is also a ploy to further handicap a President who would have gotten a lot more good done for the country had the Right worked with him a little bit rather than working him over. What could have been a landmarking term of office with vast improvements for all sections of American society has instead sunk into a morass of hatred and back stabbing resulting in a stagnation of our whole way of life.

In a way whose only purpose is to make the big boys in the right look good to their buddies and cronies and serves no other purpose but to gum up the governmental machinery more and cost us more tax money, the suing will bring no good to anyone except for a few lawyers to get richer and for a few redneck bigots to gloat more.

As though Obama doesn’t have enough to deal with already.

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The New Smash Hit Film- ‘Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants’!

The New Smash Hit Film- ‘Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants’!

The new Sci-Fi flick ‘Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants’ is taking the box office by storm! The latest sequel in the series that started with ‘Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants’ then continued with ‘Beyond The Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants’, ‘Escape From Planet Of The Apes’, ‘Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants Does Dallas’ and so forth. And the series shows no signs of slowing down. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Talky Pictures1 Comment

Megyn Kelly is Still a Massive Twat, But Mitt Romney Has a Huge Wang (Censored Version)

Megyn Kelly is Still a Massive Twat, But Mitt Romney Has a Huge Wang (Censored Version)

Megyn Kelly, anchor of some white guy’s network, is still being pursued by liberals and stuff, claiming that her blatant and sour opinions that put people to shame were morally wrong and shouldn’t be on a comedy network such as FOX news. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television3 Comments

An Open Rant To The “%&*#@&” Geniuses” Eastern Ukrainian Rebels

An Open Rant To The “%&*#@&” Geniuses” Eastern Ukrainian Rebels

You absolute stupid f*&%$#ing a*^&*%s!

You %*&^-up cowboys who think you are the coolest things on the planet when really you are a bunch of dumb s*^*s who probably still wet the bed at night.

You, in trying to prove to each other how macho you are just shot down a plane full of people who had nothing to do with your f(*&%#-up taking of land and cities that do not belong to you. And you don’t have the guts to own up to it. Continue Reading

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Why Are You Knocking On Our Door When Your Own Country Is A Mess?  or  Sorry, We Are Not A Professional Babysitting Company.

Why Are You Knocking On Our Door When Your Own Country Is A Mess? or Sorry, We Are Not A Professional Babysitting Company.

With regards to the sudden influx of children from Central America suddenly rushing our border and the questions over what the proper response should be, here is an interesting similar incident that happened a while back in Germany:

In the 1990’s there were a number of what I believe were either Somalian or Sudanese refugees (I cannot find the Internet links to the story) who had fled to Germany requesting asylum there.

There were questions as to the legitimacy of their status and as to whether they were really there to work or to get on the liberal social benefits programs that the nation offered. Continue Reading

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Border Patrol Invokes Nancy Reagan’s Anti-Drug Mantra “Just Say No” To Solve Child Immigration

Border Patrol Invokes Nancy Reagan’s Anti-Drug Mantra “Just Say No” To Solve Child Immigration

The head of the U.S. Border Patrol, James Bratcatcher, highly stressed from dealing with the sudden influx of children and young mothers with children from Latin America, has claimed that a solution to the international problem came to him in a dream.

“The spirit of Nancy Reagan came to me in my sleep and suggested to me that I ‘Just say ‘No!’ when children approach us at the border asking for asylum, the same thing she once famously said to tell drug pushers who were trying to influence young people to start using drugs. Continue Reading

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“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar

“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar

WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank.

“Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new US Homeland Drone Czar. “We are only permitted to attack US banks on US soil with attack drones if we receive prior authorization from the US Federal Reserve Bank. We can’t just attack any bank we like. It’s the law.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Technology1 Comment

Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician

Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician

Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs.

Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus as “Cochroach” Cochran after the campaign his team led against his republican challenger, which lead to a very narrow victory for the politician. Continue Reading

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Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country.

In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border and was captured by the US Border Patrol, they were either tagged and released or held for three days before being euthanized if a suitable home could not be found for them. Continue Reading

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