Category: Politics
Speaker Boehner Declares War On Women Over, Proposes Removal Of All Rights
In a move that is considered very ballsy for a man who cries every time someone mentions a bar, Congressional Speaker of the House John Boehner declared today that he was officially submitting legislation that would end the so called…
I, Rfreed, Hereby Announce My Candidacy For Dictator Of The United States
I, rfreed, hereby announce my candidacy for Dictator of the United States of America. I realize that this is a little late in the campaign season to be announcing this, but dictators don’t worry about such things. We know that…
Ageing Jimmy Carter Accidentally Endorses Mitt Romney for President
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a televised address before the press corps Saturday, ageing former Democratic president Jimmy Carter accidentally endorsed Mitt Romney for the presidency, insisting: “Romney is a progressive thinker and he’s gonna do a whole bunch of good…
Oh, the Rovanity
FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain. The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously…
GlossyNews Announces 2012 Presidential Endorsement… Not Who You Think
In 2008 we endorsed then-senator Barack Obama, but apparently it is best form to consult with our staff before reaching such a weighty decision. For 2012 I requested an endorsement statement from all 127 of our writers, and the endorsements…
Romney Surging in Latest Poll of Comatose Unregistered Voters
In recent polls, President Obama continues to lead with several key demographic categories: women, blacks, Hispanics, gays, people under 25, people over 25, people who can do basic math, people who can identify Canada on a map, and people who…
Romney to Sway Female Voters by Showing Compassion, Penis
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today unveiled his new plan to persuade female voters to back his bid for the White House by showing them two things that have thus far remained firmly hidden: his compassionate, caring side and his…
Senator Joe Manchin has Existential Crisis after Reading Facebook Comment
Facebook vigilante, Bobby D. Foster’s has struck yet another Senator. The unprovoked Facebook comment reads as follows: Dear Senator Manchin, I just wanted to inform you that I am quite disappointed that your chin is not as manly as you…
NHL Lockout Takes Center Stage at Debate
Undecided voter Mervin Dodson of Hempstead, New York was sadly disappointed by his participation in Tuesday night’s Presidential debate. “Of course I was thrilled to be selected as one of the dozens of undecided voters to participate in the debate,”…
Mitt Romney Vows To Create Armageddon
GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced today that, if elected, he promises to fulfill the Bible’s promise of Armageddon and allow all faithful Mormon practitioners to achieve Rapture. “The time for Armageddon is nigh!” Romney stated to some of his…