The recent Juan Williams firing scandal has led National Public Radio to realize that they need to develop more FOX News type media tactics if they are to survive. A radical top to bottom make-over has been ordered for the normally passive, low key, informational and culturally oriented nationwide station to bring them into a more aggressive and combative mode. It must be similar to the transformation Sarah Palin went through when she went from being the Governor of America’s least populated state to being the Cinderella of the U.S. Tea Party. Continue Reading

Dick Cheney returns to the worlds spotlight this week as he appears in his first movie part–reprising the unforgettable Peter Sellers role of Dr. Strangelove in the remake of the Stanley Kubrik movie of the same name.

Sellers made cinematic history as the wheelchair-bound, ex-Nazi atomic physicist who has a problem trying to keep his right hand from making the famous “Heil Hitler” salute. Cheney, considered a natural for the role, is reported to have needed few acting lessons to ‘become’ Strangelove. Continue Reading

Washington, DC – 52 year old Robert Freed was blind-sided today when he walked into work and found a pink slip taped to his locker. After 23 years as an assemblyman at the GM truck plant in Dearborn Michigan, he never expected to be the last man left working in America, and now, finally, the last man laid off. Continue Reading

It is increasingly clear that establishment Republicans don’t have much love for Ms. Sarah Palin. It is also crystal clear that Sarah Palin couldn’t give two rat’s asses if they do or not. In fact, she is going out of her way, it seems, to rile up every segment of society as much as her beloved, often furry, mama grizzlies.

Recently, Barbara Bush commented to fellow Jurassic extinction survivor Larry King that Sarah Palin loves Alaska, and then added that she should stay there. Upon hearing this, Palin chose to reload and fight back against what she perceived as “blue bloods doing battle against the red bloods and turning the best part of red, white and blue American into some kind of crazy purple haze.” Continue Reading

CINCINNATI, Ohio (Glossy News) — Flush with recent success, the loosely organized AstroTurf Tea Party movement already faces a threat to its new-found power from an unexpected source. While some political analysts call the group a predictable splintering, others term it an insurgency from within. One thing is certain — the “We’re Blue 2″ Party is well organized and highly focused in its agenda. Continue Reading

A secret videotape was recently found of Gov Haley Barbour (R-Miss.) channeling the spirit of Aunt Pittypat from the movie, Gone with the Wind, to let the world know the hubbub over Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s omission of slavery, while honoring the entire history of the Confederacy, wasn’t racism, but a “nit,” and didn’t amount to “diddly.” Here’s hoping this tape will put to rest, once and for all, the intent behind McDonnell’s statements. Continue Reading

SAN NARCISO, Calif. — Ceremonies will be held today in honor of William Fallopian, a local San Narciso boy turned hero. Fallopian, son of Mike Fallopian, a well known Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the Peter Pinguid Society, works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) at Los Angeles International Airport. Fallopian garnered national attention last week when, during a routine full body screening, he detected testicular cancer in a traveler waiting for clearance at the security checkpoint. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck returned quietly late at night months after his famous speech at the Lincoln Memorial to gloat over his success. “I really had ‘em in the palm of my hand!” he snickered to himself. The empty hall echoed his laughter. Empty, that is, save for another set of footsteps approaching. Continue Reading

CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of those who hunt.

Obama chose Boise because, in the words of his aide, “Mr. Obama wanted to return to the area where he hunted and killed Bigfoot on his last big game hunting expedition.” Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Glossy News) — Since the recent incident between Southern California resident John Tyner and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which involved the now infamous “groping” scandal, travelers are debating whether to continue moving about the Land of the Free by plane. Several civil liberties organizations have gone so far as to urge fliers to forgo air travel on November 24, historically the busiest day in airports across the country. Continue Reading

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Glossy News) — “Right out of a movie” would be the best way to describe the recent events that plagued former Speaker of the House and part-time witch, Nancy Pelosi. On Tuesday, the “House” hit her squarely on the head.

Found staggering and cross-eyed, the once-upon-a-time Congressional leader complained that her much beloved House had turned against her, bludgeoning her on the head as she was jogging along Fremont Street in San Francisco. According to eye witness accounts, the incident was observed by several androgynous midgets and a mysterious teenager from the Midwest, clutching a mangy puppy. Continue Reading

Newbie Presidential candidate Bargis Tryhol, who narrowly missed his 2010 presidential window, has created his first piece of legislation in hopes of curbing the spiraling US debt. Tryhol hopes to place the bill before the Senate Leader some time in the next few weeks, though admits tracking him down and getting it past his security detail may prove problematic.

The legislation, SBx7834, authorizes Congress to set up an International Lottery, and every US embassy, consulate, and foreign office will be retail outlets to purchase the lottery tickets. Each ticket will cost $1.00 US. There are no restrictions and any person on Earth can purchase as many tickets as they want. Continue Reading

It began as a beautiful Autumnal morning in our nation’s capitol, but at this writing many probably wonder if they’ll survive the day. Those close to speaker Pelosi have told Glossy News they’ve never known her to act out like that.

Yet this morning around 9:00 a heavily armed Pelosi arrived at her offices, in what witnesses describe as ‘Rambo gear.’ In the developing saga, it appears Ms. Pelosi is holding seventeen hostages in her offices, including the coffee lady, Wanda Carlson. Ms. Carlson was elected spokesperson for the group, after beating back a brief filibuster attempt from Craig the copier tech. Continue Reading

Things were a little tense last week when President and first-father, Barack Obama, sat down at the family dinner table and appeared to be somewhat speechless. This was the first family dinner since Michelle laid down the law and told her husband Barack that a teleprompter will not be used at the dinner table any longer.

Just in case, Barack had his daughter’s names carefully spelled out on a piece of paper he palmed in his hand, but couldn’t remember the first familys dog’s name! Continue Reading

Citing dissatisfaction over the outcome of the Revolutionary War, the British Crown has decided that a ‘do-over’ would be in best interests of both countries.

In order to spark a bit of controversy, her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has arranged for 30 UK citizens dressed as Pakastani shop keepers to throw thousands of crates of Coca-Cola into the Thames River on Friday night, followed by forcing US sightseers to go to the rear of all lines at most tourist destinations in London. Continue Reading

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences Committee has nominated the Republican Party for a special judges Oscar this year, ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization.’

Mrs. Tallulah Bankaccount, head of the board overseeing nominations, stated “The Republican Party has for decades put on a show of pretending to be in harmony with the interests of democracy while actually gutting all rules of checks and balances and concentrating power towards their interests. They have also taken upon themselves an incredible aura of religiosity while actually harboring some of the worst conniving hypocrites around. Continue Reading