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Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

The famous expose website Wakileaks (yes, that is spelled correctly) has successfully tapped into a most intriguing phone call between those two most beloved of dictators in the world- Bashar al-Assad and his Grace Vladimir Putin of Russia. We have the transcript here just as it was translated from the phone tap:

RINGGGGGGG!!!!!

Putin: Hello my old buddy Bashar! How are you doing?

Assad: Ah, Putin! My best friend, my ally, my colleague, the guy who saves my butt! How are you yourself?

Putin: Oh, quite good, old chum. A few miscreant Chechens here and there, but nothing like what you are having to put up with. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

In the wake of the deadly Isis terrorist attacks on Paris which killed 129 people and wounded hundreds more, the issue of whether or not to continue taking in refugees has divided us here in the United States of America, home of the free, land of the brave.

On Fox News, Senator and Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said, “President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America—it is nothing less than lunacy. On the other hand Christians who are being targeted for genocide, for persecution, Christians who are being beheaded or crucified, we should be providing safe haven to them. But President Obama refuses to do that.”

Bravo to Senator Cruz for taking such a brave and unpopular stance on such a volatile issue! Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics, Religionism0 Comments

9/12/2001  – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED  – The New New World Order – Part 17

9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – The New New World Order – Part 17

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
The New New World Order
Part 17
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – –

The day was not beginning well for government employee Stan Bues. He regarded the document in his hand seriously. He reread it several times. The second time was to overcome the shock that had paralyzed his whole being from the first reading. The third was to try to read it with a rational steady mind. The fourth was to confirm that the darkness therein was real. It was. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Clinton Calls Out Bush for ‘Establishment Hypocrisy’

Clinton Calls Out Bush for ‘Establishment Hypocrisy’

The Dynasty Wars are heating up. Never mind Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Clinton vs Bush is where it’s at!

Or at least, it’s where the money’s at, anyways!

See the transcript of Clinton’s latest semi-public post on the notable TOR website known as Dark Internet Policy Forum: Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics0 Comments

The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

Dolly Darling, the President’s Secretary, excitedly and fearfully puts the finishing touches to the Oval Office, the new lair of her boss Donald Trump. He would be here shortly and she knows all too well how critical he is that everything should be perfect., or at least perfect as Donald Trump sees it. She knocks some lint off the large velvet rendition of Elvis in day glow colors in full rocker mode when he was still young and svelte. It hangs where the portrait of Thomas Jefferson used to. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

Presidential hopeful and media prostitute Donald Trump took to Twitter Thursday evening, erupting at not being included in the Hacktivist organization Anonymous’ KKK list.

The billionaire Trump, whose campaign has revolved around deporting over 11 million illegal aliens if he’s elected President, insisted that he was deliberately omitted from the list in an attempt by Anonymous to attack his character. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

14 Reasons Ben Carson is a Crazy Person (with video!)

14 Reasons Ben Carson is a Crazy Person (with video!)

Dr. Ben Carson is catching up in some polls, and leading the pack in others. You may already know he’s a brain surgeon, but did you also know he’s a crazy person?

You don’t have to take it from me, though. Not when you’ve got the molten madness pouring directly out of his cuckoo-spouter.

This isn’t more “gotcha” journalism Republicans like to complain about. Well, I guess it is because it’s as easy and fair as anything which has come up in the debates. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Video News0 Comments

9/12/2001 THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

9/12/2001 THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
A Visit To Kazakhstan
Part 16
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Presidential plane flew high as it began its circling before landing. Although the plane had, of course, precedence over any others landing at the midsized field, this was done as a tactic to ward off enemies who might have successfully hid themselves in the terrain with anti-aircraft weaponry. The high altitude would induce them to shoot, but they would be beyond their range. Satisfied, the plane began its long coast downward. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

As every establishment career politician knows, repetition is of the essence of persuasion.

So, here’s a quick refresher on what the Godwinbots afflicting Glossy News and most of the serious internet are up to.

Unpatriotic Pinko Troll Example #1:

 Goering said ‘all you have to do is create a fictional or at least semi-fictional enemy within and without, and then bring the people to your bidding to denounce the naysayers as traitors and parasites.’ Sound familiar?

 Godwinbot Takedown:

 StfUP_ with ur MORREL E-EQUIVALENC, DUDE! Y;U are literilly worse tanh HITTLERRR!!!!!

Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

The loyal vigilance of the Glossy News team is keeping your comments pages free from spam, from dawn to dusk.

Glossy News is at the forefront of taking out spambots whenever and wherever they poke their thieving, parasitical tentacles.

But what is it that drives these cynical, malevolent bastards, the true enemies of all authentic and legitimate satire? Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high.

“The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair of the Philadelphia Federal Reserve. “We promise. Personally, I’m betting big on a substantial interest rate hike. I can’t wait.”

“Of course we will raise the interest rate,” said New York Fed Chair David Rockemellon. “We just have to do it at our next meeting.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (2/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (2/2)

The old story continues:

I AM NOT WHITE!!!

Uh-uh-uhhh! I am Jeb Bush, and I’m not white.

Forget it! I’m just a standard-issue regular guy, like every one of you. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (1/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (1/2)

The achingly well-meaning notable 3.0 du jour has put his foot in it again. Just read his comments at the recent ‘White Community-Black Community GOP Competitive Co-operation 1000 Dollar Dinner’ in the Seattle Hilton.

You know what, I want to address all you black folks somewhere out there in the audience, and thank you all from the bottom of my coffers… uh, my heart.

Because you guys are more or less exactly my kind of people, and I know you just wouldn’t be here if you weren’t supportive of my agenda… uh, my program.

I really mean that, with all my heart. It’s a bit like, well, you remember that achingly sincere video where John McCain congratulated… uh, what’s that guy’s name again? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader

American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader

Wallace Runnymede is currently being persecuted by the malign and conspiratorial forces of international global justice, for his tiresome, lamentable screed on NewsBiscuit:

http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=93562

Estate of Unnamed 80s Tory Leader Arranges ‘Racist Wildebeest’ Superinjunction.

This headline has nothing whatsoever to do with pro-apartheid South African wildlife, in case you were wondering.

In fact, it has nothing whatsoever to do with former Tory leaders, the estates of former Tory leaders, wildebeest, racist wildebeest, racism, racists, authoritarian political systems in postcolonial Africa (South Africa or otherwise), or the funny little hoof marks outside the ‘dogging’ station at Number 10. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Obama and other world leaders were sitting around the UN private lounge contemplating what to do about the Syrian crisis that was disturbing all of the Mideast and Europe. Depression had set in due to the difficulties that had arisen over the situation that seemed to escalate no matter what their efforts were. And it all was basically because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the dictator of Syria.

The X-Box like control mechanism that determined the bombings of the day lay on a table between them. No one had the enthusiasm to touch it.

Suddenly the door burst open and an energetic presence entered.

“Greetings Comrades. I am here to solve the Syrian problem!” The unusually smiley face of Vladimir Putin greeted all the seated dignitaries as he hurriedly went around the circle of sofas shaking hands. “I am the answer to all your difficulties!” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

British Politics Even More Boring than it Used to be Shock

British Politics Even More Boring than it Used to be Shock

British political life was never that interesting, but the election of lifetime dullard Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the opposition Labour Party has now sucked the life out of the business so spectacularly that the famous Houses of Parliament are in danger of being closed down and turned into a second hand carpet shop.

Newly-elected Labour leader Mr Corbyn is incontestably, irrefutably and without fear of contradiction the dullest man ever to appear in public. Anywhere. Ever.

If you thought debates about income tax thresholds and National Health Service waiting time statistics were boring, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Mr Corbyn, who has been in the job for only a matter of days (although it feels like years), has already endangered the careers of numerous sharp pencilled journalists with answers to provocative questions so staggeringly mundane that at least one senior news editor has had to be treated for a severe reactive catatonic shock.

Westminster medics have been overwhelmed by journalistic patients showing an array of reactive symptoms which are described as Catatonic Over-Reactive Brain Induced Necrosis (CORBIN). CORBIN produces much the same effects as being hit over the head with a heavy frying pan, but without the element of surprise or the useful ability to fry an egg afterwards.
Some of this is of course not true, but it is way more interesting than anything that has actually happened.

Delegates at the recent Labour Party conference reported that they were only able to survive the mind-numbing brainwipe that was Corbyn’s inaugural speech as leader by covertly playing free Pokies with no download on their phones and iPads whilst the Corbyn mumbled his way through the leftovers of previous leaders’ speeches that he’d found somewhere down the back of a sofa as this fictitious scenario continues.

The standing ovation at the end was nothing to do with the speech – it was an ironic celebration of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown managing to get four Lara Croft’s in a row. Poor old Gordon – he’s never been so popular – or so interesting.

“I don’t know” is one of Corbyn’s more spectacular public utterances, albeit one he saves up for those occasions when he really needs a headline grabber. “We’ll have to see,” is another.

This guy takes the whole idea of a sound bite and gently spoons mogadon into it until sounds and bites are something that might have happened once upon a time in a daydream, but it’s all a bit hazy…. Where was I… and what’s that frying pan doing here?

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Posted in Politics, World News1 Comment

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