Category: Top Stories
Ringo Star Sues the Beatles
New York, NY – Ringo Starr, best known as the Beatles drummer, is suing his former bandmates. The suit names as defendants, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, and the estate of the late John Lennon. Starr alleges breach of contract and…
U.S. Quits Climate, Forges New Environmental Alliance
The United States in a surprise announcement today indicated that it was quitting climate altogether, relinquishing the current model in favor of a new environmental alliance. “Climate! It’s one crisis after another. If it’s not floods and earthquakes, it’s wildfires,…
Nation’s Readers Devastated By Early Retirement Of ‘Long-Time Favorite’ Technical Writer
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Any wise individual will humbly acknowledge that the best and most inspirational stories, unfortunately, have endings, and disheartening as it may be, even the world’s greatest authors inevitably write their final words. Nothing, however, could have prepared avid…
New Muscle Building Supplement Tested And Found To Be Huge Success
Sources confirmed Thursday that a new muscle-building supplement (simply called BarBarik) was recently tested and found to be a huge success. Containing massive amounts of vitamins, minerals, calcium, boron, and various other “unknown ingredients,” the pill was given to stressed-out, insecure, angry, and…
Troubling Karen Variant Threatens NYC Metro Area and Beyond This Winter
A highly transmissible new variant of Karen has been detected, originating in Manhattan’s Upper West Side in late 2021 and now spreading to upscale neighborhoods in Brooklyn and far beyond in the New Year. Genomic sequencing of positive Covid-19 test…
Senior Technical Writer At Educational Media Company Apologizes For Self-Destructive Behavior
Dane County, Wisconsin. Fully expecting a rational and highly-collaborative online discussion on how to select a proper medium through which to facilitate and transfer comprehension of updated educational standards for secondary and post-secondary schools across the Midwest, entry-level technical writers,…
Eric Clapton Expelled From Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Wake of Anti-Vax Remarks
Cleveland, Ohio – Eric Clapton has been expelled from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame after his recent anti-vax comments. The Hall announced the unprecedented move after the once-popular singer/guitarist said he wouldn’t perform concerts in venues that require…
“It Is What It Is!” Offered As Justification For Implementing Fucking Stupid, Needless, And Overwhelming New Employee Growth & Development Program
Minnesota. Burned-out and exasperated staff members at Epicore Medical Support, a privately owned company that specializes in providing software programs as well as various other forms of healthcare technology to hospitals and clinics across the nation, were horrified last week after…
Disagreement Over “January Term” Curriculum Changes Results In Epic Brawl At ‘Already Expensive’ Private Liberal Arts College
Central Iowa. Unable to resolve key differences on how to properly view somewhat established principles concerning Self-Actualization, Brain-Based Learning, Epistemology, and Qualitative vs. Quantitative Research, Education Professors Kurt Neilsen, 61, and Walter Beckman, 64, both lost control of their tempers…
Oh Joe! President Biden Accidentally Cancels Mild-Mannered Accountant Stu Dent-Dett Instead of College Loans
WHOOPSIE DAISY– In a laugh-out-loud oval office oopsie, president Joe Biden accidentally penned an executive order formally canceling Stuart “Stu” Dent-Dett, a quiet Minneapolis accountant with a love of calico cats. Upon realizing his gaffe, the commander-in-chief exclaimed, “Aw shucks,…