Nation’s Readers Devastated By Early Retirement Of ‘Long-Time Favorite’ Technical Writer

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Any wise individual will humbly acknowledge that the best and most inspirational stories, unfortunately, have endings, and disheartening as it may be, even the world’s greatest authors inevitably write their final words.  Nothing, however, could have prepared avid readers and literature enthusiasts across the United States for the shocking news that Jared Wall, 57, will no longer be producing material as a technical documentation writer. Mr. Wall made the devastating announcement last Friday outside of his cubicle at Hydrocele Communications immediately after handing Tech Manager Michael Cockstrap his two-week notice.
Jared’s magnificent and unparalleled career spanned an amazing 32 years during which he worked for several Midwestern companies producing everything from manufacturing efficiency booklets to software installation instructions.  And although some claim that his ‘powerhouse’ writing abilities were at their peak in 2013-2018 while he was designing computer product manuals, marketing strategy reports, and licensing agreements, many loyal fans and readers will always remember the early ‘golden days’ when he authored outstanding employee handbook rules, user guides for industrial equipment, and personnel policy & procedure sheets.”It’s hard to see the genius who constructed so many awe-inspiring occupational safety pamphlets suddenly leave the field,” former co-worker Jonathan Peckerstain confessed.”The next time I read a corporate disclaimer statement, I’m truly going to feel empty inside,” he added.Senior Documentation Writer and Analyst Dick Holder, who remembers Wall’s controversial decision in 2008 to leave the manufacturing field and join the software industry at Epididymis Tech before obtaining his current position with the company, stated that Jared’s newest generation of followers were actually hit hardest by the unfortunate news because many of them are still yearning to read the gritty and eye-opening pages of his next consumer product case study.”It’s going to be a big, long, and hard process trying to replace him,” Dick stated, quickly adding fears that Wall’s largest fan base in the Midwest may (out of sheer desperation) resort to reading works of lesser-known authors such as Hunter S. Thompson and Charles Bukowski.  As fans both young and old weep silently over the harsh reality that Jared will no longer be delivering the literature that has captivated their hearts and minds over the years, top administrative managers still remain extremely pissed off that he purposely delayed working on several important projects and had two weeks of vacation time approved right before giving his notice.

Author: Wes Janson

BIO: Wes Janson is a Master's Degree Holder as well as a former international educator who lived in South Korea and Taiwan. He is also an isolated, balding, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, angry, hopeless, neurotic, self-medicating iconoclastic nihilist filled with delusions of grandeur who is currently struggling with the irreversible effects of a severe mid-life crisis.

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