Category: Top Stories
Majorie Taylor Green (MJT) and her Lover Accused of Bestiality
Washington, DC (AP). In an article published in the Journal of Animal Ethics (JAE), MJT and her veterinarian lover have been accused of being “bestophiles.” Reminiscent of the “compromat” speculation surrounding Donald Trump’s toady like support and bromance with Vladimir Putin, similar allegations are…
Sexist Scouting Report from Your Hoops Junkie Friend: Your Favorite March Madness Cheerleader
During March Madness, that one cheerleader beguiled you even as your brackets were busting. Here’s the scouting report you might see about her from that politically incorrect Hoops Junkie friend who touts her for you to ride through the Sweet…
Evangelical Lutheran Pastor Accidentally Performs Successful Exorcism Without Roman Rituals
Davenport, Iowa. Sources recently confirmed that 47-year-old Evangelical Lutheran Pastor Bob Smith performed a flawless exorcism last Thursday despite having no copy of the Roman Rituals or anything else in the long Catholic tradition of expelling demons. Initially terrified and…
7th Grade Essay Contest Winner Informed He Should Start Making Better Choices In The Future
Cedar Falls, Iowa. After writing a purely outstanding essay creatively describing what he would do if he ever found a time machine, 13-year-old Kyle Lane was warned by teachers, administrators, and his parents that his natural love for writing will…
Local Resident Finally Calls End To Exhausting And Time-Consuming “Self-Improvement” Journey And Happily Accepts Being The Mediocre Piece-of-Shit He Was Always Meant To Be
Janesville, Wisconsin. After enduring a long, arduous, and heavily exhausting “self-improvement” journey that involved reading books, trying to learn new things, and awkwardly experimenting with hobbies that left him feeling highly fatigued and ultimately unfulfilled, Craig Gerald, 37, happily confessed…
Extremely Intelligent High School Principal Calmly Assures Locals That American Education System Is Not Centrally Focused On Sports
La Crosse, Wisconsin. In response to growing concerns from local community members that the United States Education System may actually be more focused on sports rather than the intellectual growth and development of young students preparing for university life, Loran…
The Silliest Casino Scenes Ever to Make it Into the Movies
Many movies set scenes inside casinos to indicate a degree of wealth and opulence among the characters, with a supporting cast of glamorously-dressed gamblers adding to the air of decadence. From James Bond’s high-stakes exploits to the slick planning and…
Why You Should Consider a Moissanite Engagement Ring
Are you looking for something unique to propose to your significant other? If yes, then consider a moissanite ring. This type of engagement ring has become very popular lately because it is the perfect combination of beauty and affordability. Moissanite…
Alumni Association Prepares To Celebrate 100 Years Of Shameless Donation Seeking This Spring
Central Iowa. The Clarkview University Alumni Association (CUAA) announced last Thursday that it plans to celebrate its 100th Anniversary this spring while hosting numerous exciting reunion festivities. Graduates and their families are cordially invited to return in April to visit…
Welcome to Texafornia, A Modern Day Fable
Dr Seuss just might tell the modern-day fable of the great California angel-winged socialist migration to the land of the Great Satan, Texas, this way:Virtuous socialist rich folks, the Richies, who voted for the Wokie heehaws in magical California could…