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Piers Morgan Receives Prize for Best Scottish Nationalist

Piers Morgan Receives Prize for Best Scottish Nationalist

Piers Morgan is not only one of the UK’s most lovable and highly respected journalists; he has now been given an award from Alex Salmond for his sterling contributions to the Scottish Nationalist cause.

Salmond groans: Continue Reading

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New Book Cover for Honest Adolph Volume I: But What About Volume II?

New Book Cover for Honest Adolph Volume I: But What About Volume II?

I’ve made a new cover, which I sincerely hope is a great improvement on the old one.

If you are producing an ebook, then you can either make your own cover, or pay someone to make one for you.

One option is Microsoft Publisher (this is more sophisticated than Microsoft Paint). Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

Putin contends Trump wasn’t Competent enough to have Colluded with Russia

Putin contends Trump wasn’t Competent enough to have Colluded with Russia

Dateline: MOSCOW—In an exclusive interview with Fancypants Magazine, Vladimir Putin took offense at the allegation that Donald Trump was competent enough to have colluded with the Russian government in the hacking of the American political system that helped win Trump the presidency.
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Which Trading Platforms Are The Best?

Which Trading Platforms Are The Best?

It is common knowledge that the global market of online stock trading is booming nowadaysю Numerous players enter the stage every day and offer their services at appealing rates and with interesting terms. However, first of all trading is about money, and any trading decision is inherently risky; so, which platform should you choose to minimise risks and guarantee yourself a reliable service? Here is a review of the most popular online trading platforms for you to choose from, based on the reviews of experienced brokers and professional financial analysts. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Chelsea Man Evicted from Theatre for Testicle Altercation

Chelsea Man Evicted from Theatre for Testicle Altercation

Theatre goer Ivor Ball has been evicted from The Old Vic Theatre in London, after his testicles started fighting during the play ‘A Shakespeare Tragedy.’

Mr. Ball 42, commented:

Regrettably, a disturbance was prompted, as a consequence of a rare medical condition I am blighted with called testicleitis. This occurs when two testicles argue their differences to the point of physical conflict.

It’s similar to rival twins in their endeavour to establish a singular identity and hierarchy.

A bicycle seat partition intervention is the only remedy to ensure the balls co-exist harmoniously, but I wasn’t allowed to take my cycle into the theatre.

THE TESTICLE INCIDENT

“To be or not to be: that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – ‘Oi! shove over fatty bollock – there’s room in the sack for two!’ (testicle one).

“Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them” – ‘shut your face shrivelled walnut bollock! Ouch! I’m entitled to half an inch of gap too!’ (testicle two).

“To die: to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache” – ‘Push off lumpy! – just because you hang higher in the ball sack, it doesn’t give you special status!’ (testicle one).

“And the thousand natural shocks, that flesh to heir to, this consummation – devoutly to be wished” – ‘Piss off baldy! I’ve got more hair! Ouch! Aaaagh!’ (testicle two).

“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death” – ‘So what hairy? I produce more sperm! Ouch! Get off!’ (testicle one).

Mr. Ball has been issued with a lifetime ban from The Old Vic. His testicles were unavailable for comment.

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Posted in Entertainment, World News0 Comments

DUP Unsure Why They Find Jihadists Objectionable

DUP Unsure Why They Find Jihadists Objectionable

The Democratic Unionist Party, not to be confused with the Worker’s Party of North Korea and the Taxpayers’ Alliance, have always been among the staunchest opponents of reactionary social norms and backward, superstitious obscurantism.

Well, at least when these civic abberations are coming from non-evangelical-fundamentalist sources, anyway!

But when challenged by perfidious Celtsman Andrew Neil of the BBC, DUP head establishment doorstop Darlene Whatever-the-Name-Is appeared to genuinely struggle to articulate why she considers the jihadist menace to be such a big deal.

The boisterous saffron superstar growled out:

C’mon now, lassie! You are supposed tae bee in gurnmint wi’ the Tooooouuuuuries! ‘N’ ye mean tee say ye dinneeeeevn knaw preciiiiisely warritiz aboot the jeehadeeeees ye dunt even like!

Flouncing Foster replied:

Well, to be fair tee ye, now, Andrewwwww, we just thought it was a wee bit ungodly, and all that there, now!

This comment was not well received.

Och now! Did yer ma drop ye on the head as a wean, Foster! Sure don’t the jeehadeeees clee-um tae be doin’ exactly the same thing as you folks!

A rather baffled Foster asked for further elucidation from the half-Anglified Bard o’ Bannockburn.

Spiky Andy responded:

Well, they think gay people, or as you folk call them, ‘Sodomites,’ are headin’ for the  eternal hellfire. And a weeman’s place is in the home. And people o’ ungodly accursed religions and other blasphemers shall undergo eternal punishment for their satanic wiles and blasphemies!

Immediately perking up, Foster muttered that if the DUP were open-minded enough to do a deal with Sinn Fein, they could probably stretch to a meaningful political compromise with the jihadists. After all, their religious and moral differences are fairly inconsequential compared to the vast gulf separating good godfearing Ulster Prods from the perfidious, Papish, Romish heure o’ Babylon!

 

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Were You Born with a Self-Censorship Filter?

Were You Born with a Self-Censorship Filter?

I do have an civility filter, albeit an imperfectly cultivated one. But I don’t so much have a self-censorship filter.
And I look around, and I see so many other people with a public voice, and I can see that most people do indeed have such a filter. And I ask…
Why? Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

Theresa May Resigns, Becomes Guardian Editor

Theresa May Resigns, Becomes Guardian Editor

Conservative Party leader Theresa May is tired of endless harassment from voters and grubby hard-right red-top hacks (like George Osborne of the Evening Standard). So, she has decided her career in politics is no longer a worthwhile pursuit.

Notable left-wing establishment broadsheet The Guardian is known for its uniquely conservative form of liberal and social democratic politics. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, World News0 Comments

Glastonbury Hosts Diversity ‘Jihad Rock’ Festival

Glastonbury Hosts Diversity ‘Jihad Rock’ Festival

Music festivals in the UK are not normally considered as being at the forefront of radical social activism. The days of Woodstock and anti-Vietnam protests being long gone, you’re more likely to see 21 century festival schmucks fighting over the last condom than the last polar bear.

And blowing chunks over your bedding is normally more of a problem than blowing chunks out of Iraqi orphans.

However, with various left wing and right populist eruptions occurring all over Europe and North America, it seems that music festivals are returning to their roots as a key focus of radical social critique and activism.

Right now, it seems that Glastonbury are trying to be a lot more socially conscious before.

Now in the name of celebrating diversity, the first Jihad Rock festival is about to take place soon.

A rival to the main Glastonbury festival, the Jihad Rock festival features plenty of booms and crashes, some great pyrotechnics on stage, and some superficially tough and sharp-edged 80s bears prancing around in flashy cloaks.

The Guardian has expressed reservations about the (potentially/arguably/’problematically’) homophobic and misogynistic implications of the festival, but generously notes:

On a sliding scale, this is probably a lesser evil than having hoodie-wearing, drunken working class Nazi thugs doing one of those horrid, crass and vulgar ska festivals of theirs. At least this way, there will be less risk of cultural appropriation.

Their opposite numbers in the Sun, true to form, are outraged.

This is disgusting! We can’t even celebrate our indigenous radical conservative customs in our own country!

Theresa May is currently confused as to which side to condemn first.

 

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Posted in Music, Top Stories0 Comments

“Liberals are So Intolerant!” Hm?

“Liberals are So Intolerant!” Hm?

Yes, liberalism is ‘intolerant,’ and will not tolerate the intolerant.

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (2/2)

Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (2/2)

This is the tail end of Richard ‘Clever Dick’ Cheney’s speech from last time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, War Zone0 Comments

Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (1/2)

Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (1/2)

Dick Cheney has recently conducted the annual Edgar J. Hoover Memorial Lecture at the Hoover Institute; a notable think tank renowned, among other things, for its publications on foreign policy.

Cheney’s speech had a rather mixed reception; however, his discussion was certainly provocative. Here is a brief excerpt, entitled:

Stand Firm Against Those Who Defile the Honorable Name of Freedom Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, War Zone0 Comments

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