Category: Top Stories
NRA Pushes For Personal Atom Bomb For Every American
The National Rifle Association unleashed its new campaign to allow all American citizens “their God-given rights to own an atom bomb!” The public is being bombarded with television, newspaper, movie and billboard ads pushing the new ‘right’ that the NRA…
Palin Inspires Tea Party Audience with “Tell Off” Stories
Ashland, KY (GlossyNews): Former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, continued her outreach to the Tea Party movement this week, speaking before a group of Tea Party activists outside Ashland. Palin was warmly received by the $150 per ticket Tea Party rally…
Tom Tancredo’s Teen Traveling Companion Shot Dead in Georgia Convenience Store
DENVER, Colorado — As an advocate for eugenics, former Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo is hardly a trailblazer. He follows in the footsteps of pioneers such as Strom Thurmond, George Wallace and David Duke. But what Tancredo lacks in originality, he…
Pope: “You Go to War w/ Salvation Army You Have, Not Salvation Army You Want”
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — The Salvation Army was founded in 1865. Its first converts were alcoholics, heroin addicts, prostitutes and other “undesirables” unwelcome in polite Christian society. And for nearly 150 years, these undesirables have been running one of the…
Patrick Kennedy Retires to Spend More Time on Facebook
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who has represented Rhode Island’s 1st congressional district since 1995, has announced that he will not seek reelection. Mr. Kennedy, 42, has wrestled with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and drug abuse, both recreational and…
Fat People Outraged at Having to Pay for Two Plane Seats
New York, NY Following the recent onslaught on fat people to pay for two seats for a one way, economy class flight, fat people all over the world have finally decided enough is enough with this anatomical discrimination. Trent Budgwood,…
SCOTUS rules Black History Month ‘Getting Old, Fast’
Washington DC By the narrow margin Court watchers have come to expect, the Supreme Court ruled today that Black History Month should “get over itself already.” In the five vote majority opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “There is no Constitutional…
Royal Caribbean Announces Educational “How the Other Half Live” Vacations
LABADEE, Haiti — There’s an old Haitian proverb: “Behind the mountains, there are mountains.” Behind those mountains are smaller mountains. Behind those smaller mountains is an enclosure. And behind that enclosure is a tropical paradise rented out to Royal Caribbean…
Ask Hank – Valentine’s Day Massacre in the Making
Dear Hank, I need help, and fast. I’m a newlywed, and this will be mine and my new wife’s first Valentine’s Day together, but I don’t have two nickels to rub together to buy my sweetie something nice. It’s my…
Wichita Lineman Arrested for Warrantless Wiretapping
WICHITA, Kansas — Soon after the September 11 attacks in 2001, U.S. President George W. Bush issued an executive order authorizing the National Security Agency (NSA) to conduct surveillance of certain telephone calls without obtaining a warrant from the Foreign…