Category: Top Stories
Future Beck Rallies Banned from Lincoln Memorial… by Lincoln
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck returned quietly late at night months after his famous speech at the Lincoln Memorial to gloat over his success. “I really had ’em in the palm of my hand!” he snickered to himself. The…
Irish in Feverish Leprechaun Hunt to Rescue Economy
DUBLIN, Ireland – In the wake of some of the worst economic news to hit Ireland for decades, record numbers of Irish people are laying traps hoping to catch the elusive leprechauns and make them hand over the gold in…
Barack Obama Admits Hunting Bigfoot, “Grazing” Him
CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of…
TSA Groping Incident Attracts New Employees to Agency
LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Glossy News) — Since the recent incident between Southern California resident John Tyner and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which involved the now infamous “groping” scandal, travelers are debating whether to continue moving about the Land of…
House Really Falls On California Witch
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Glossy News) — “Right out of a movie” would be the best way to describe the recent events that plagued former Speaker of the House and part-time witch, Nancy Pelosi. On Tuesday, the “House” hit her squarely…
Pres. Candidate Tryhol Proposes Legislation to Payoff Nat’l Debt
Newbie Presidential candidate Bargis Tryhol, who narrowly missed his 2010 presidential window, has created his first piece of legislation in hopes of curbing the spiraling US debt. Tryhol hopes to place the bill before the Senate Leader some time in…
Deposed Pelosi Hostage Crisis Continues
It began as a beautiful Autumnal morning in our nation’s capitol, but at this writing many probably wonder if they’ll survive the day. Those close to speaker Pelosi have told Glossy News they’ve never known her to act out like…
Michelle Begs Barack ‘No More Teleprompter at Dinner Table’
Things were a little tense last week when President and first-father, Barack Obama, sat down at the family dinner table and appeared to be somewhat speechless. This was the first family dinner since Michelle laid down the law and told…
Haiti Officially Declared ‘Kenny’ of Nations
In the aftermath of Hurricane Tomas’ further devastation to the beleaguered Caribbean hellhole, an emergency meeting of the UN has officially declared Haiti the ‘Kenny’ of the global community. Scholars and UN watchdogs call the unanimous decree historical, unprecedented and…
Suicide Bombers Struggle to Get Members Union, Keep Union Members
Today union-minded Iraqis formed Suicide Bombers Locale #467 in Baghdad but had to promptly look for a new union hall as a couple of the members brought their work in with them. Sitting outside the smoldering building, the surviving members…