Category: Top Stories
Tea Party Member Breaks Ranks and Votes for Self-interest
In a surprising move, Tea Party member Wright Wing admitted that he decided to break ranks and vote for Barack Obama for president. “Believe me, I had no intention of voting for Obama,” said Mr. Wing. “But when I sat…
Open Letter to House Republicans; It’s Time to Compromise
Listen guys, you still govern us, so I’m counting on you. No, We The American People are counting on you. We need real reform, and your party is in the position of power that can make that happen, so we…
Election 2012 Over; Will Lessons Learned Fade as Quickly as the Scars?
The 2012 elections were stressful and trying for those on both sides of the political spectrum, but it’s easy to see why nobody had it worse than Brian K. White, the editor of Glossy News. After all, I did have…
NPR Coverage of Petraeus Affair Interrupted by Annoying, Irrelevant Report on Syria Slaughter
WASHINGTON D.C. – National Public Radio came under attack from various sections of the mainstream media Tuesday, after its scheduled coverage of the ongoing General David Petreaus affair was bizarrely interrupted by an in-depth report on the most recent and…
Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby
Defeated Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney denies he is a crybaby. “Yes, I lost the election,” said Romney. “But there are reasons why I lost, many of them relating to the gifts Obama gave to blacks, Hispanics and young people…
Israel: Petraeus was unfaithful to us
This reporter has confirmed some of the suspicions that CIA Director David Petraeus’ infidelity went well beyond his dalliance with Paula Broadwell. One well-placed source confirmed that, “My God, if we had to sack everyone in the military and intelligence…
Patraeus Regrets Affair, Mainly “Getting Found Out”
Former CIA director David Patraeus has confided that he deeply regrets much about his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, but chief among his regrets is that the affair was discovered and made public. “He regrets that affair on so many…
Indianapolis Mayor Thinks A Bunch of Really Tall Skyscrapers Would Be Pretty Neat
INDIANAPOLIS – Peering philosophically out of his city-council building office window Monday, Mayor of Indianapolis Greg Ballard thinks that a whole bunch of “really freaking tall” skyscrapers would be pretty neat right about now. Even though his office remains devoid…
Republicans Religious Epiphany After Election “God Wants Us to be Bi-Partisan”
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his…
Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling
WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal. “It…