Category: Top Stories
US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia
In the latest effort to uncover the fate of MH370, the United States has announced it will send a state of the art Bullshit Detector to Malaysia. “The BSD will be located adjacent to the Perdana Putra building, which houses…
Danish Zoo Defends Killing Of Employees
A Danish zoo on Wednesday defended its decision to kill four employees citing age factors, the risk of inbreeding and the arrival of a new, younger male hire. This week’s executions have put the Copenhagen Zoo on the defensive again,…
France Finds Missing Flight 370
After waiting more than ten days to jump into the search for Flight 370, France declared it has found the ill fated airliner off the coast of Italy. “We were delayed due to union repairs on our sole high imaging…
Redskins Owner Dan Snyder To Open Chain of Reservation Liquor Stores
Responding to claims of racial insensitivity over the team name, NFL Redskins owner Dan Snyder embarked on a month long voyage of discovery to dozens of Native American Reservations. In a widely distributed press release issued on Monday, Snyder said…
Flight 370 – Submitted, For Your Approval
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is…
Breaking: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article
GN Corporate Headquarters—After waiting long enough for someone, anyone, to address the issue that was clearly a major, current topic, Glossy News has finally caved in and decided to break their deafening silence regarding Malaysia Flight 370. “I just know…
US Defense Department Claims MH370 Attacked By Cylons
In a strange press release distributed by the US Department of Defense on Wednesday, US Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel says Malaysia Flight 370 was attacked by time traveling Cylons and was forced to jump to hyperspace. “The Boeing 777 has…
Obama Announces Sanctions on Lyudmila Putin
During a White House Rose Garden press conference Thursday, President Barack Obama, in an effort to drive Russian forces from the Crimean Peninsula, announced far reaching sanctions against Vladimar Putin’s wife, Lyudmila. “We have frozen funds in her Citicorp and…
FBI Fringe Division MH370 Test Successful, Parallel Universe Travel Safe
At a press conference Tuesday held at FBI Headquarters in Quantico, Virginia, lead blonde FBI investigator Agent Olivia Dunham, flanked by Mad Scientist Walternate Bishop and his intelligent and attractive yet curiously unaccomplished son Peter, revealed Malaysia Flight 370 was…
Malaysia Flight 370 At Hogwarts
In a Tweet sent early Monday morning to the 740 million followers of @harrypotter, Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of the private prep school Hogwarts, assured relatives of passengers and flight crew of Malaysia Flight 370 they were safely housed at his…