“Moderate” Republicans & Democrats Already Missing Guys Who Genocided a Million Iraqi Civilians!

The unusual rhetorical flavor and idiosyncratic policy approach of Donald Trump has left self-styled GOP moderates and centrist Democrats to reminisce about the golden age when both parties were the greatest force for good (and humanitarian genocide) the world has ever known!

Universally beloved mass exterminator in chief Donald Rumsfeld says:

When John McCain died, this truly was our foreign policy 9/11! I’ll never forget the stories he used to tell us about setting nursing mothers and prattling infants on fire with napalm and then running to his handlers at the Hanoi Hilton, saying ‘A Big Boy did it and ran away!’ And as for Bush… Well, he was every bit as amazing and patriotic as our old friend Songbird, except he was never bothered with all that prole military service crap. Now THIS guy was just that LITTLE bit more of an intellectual, and I think he would have done very well in the mainstream media, or some kinda CIA-funded think tank.

Firebreathing Irish domestic extremist Samantha Power says:

Before we make the world safe for democracy, we have to make democracy safe for security! That means we need the right guys at the right time, who are flexible enough in their positions to overcome all pedantic special interests opposition from pacifists, isolationists, jihadists and all other unpatriotic foreign assets who hate our freedom! And there’s nothing that says ‘they hate our freedom!’ than trying to stop us dumping a ton of enriched uranium on a blazing maternity hospital in deepest, darkest Baghdad! Well, you know how it is, right? The thing about freedom, ya see, is that you just CAN’T pick and choose! Either we have the freedom to mass exterminate the enemies of freedom without mercy, or else we might as well just pack up and go home now! … Er… let’s not give the enemies of the people any ideas… Ahem!!!!!

The Iranians agree.

Man, I seriously can’t wait until we get a REAL American leader who douses us in napalm and sends the entire country back to the stone age! I for one can’t wait to have a proper liberal interventionist or neocon president again… HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE HAVE TO WAIT?!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!