BIG OIL OVERJOYED! 10 American Air Force Pilots Hanged for Collateral Damage

CNN, Fox News and MSNBC are currently rejoicing, as a steady torrent of excitable news broadcasts jubilantly proclaim to us all that the long-enduring myth of a ‘lack of accountability’ for American foreign policy is finally dead and buried.

How have the media responded to the court-martial of ten low-ranking air force pilots, all of whom have been subjected to the death penalty? Read on to find out! We promise, you’re gonna love it!

Especially if you’re every bit as big of a wealth creator fan as we are…

CNN’s Jim Acosta notes:

Although, until last week not a single member of the US military, regardless of rank, had ever been court-martialed for collateral damage, the indiscriminately reckless chickens of one particular, entirely unrepresentative, rogue U.S. Air Force squad have finally come home to roost! Now although the incident in question was buried by an inexplicable media black-out of some kind (I imagine this disgraceful silence was something to do with Fox News or Breitbart), it just so turns out that no matter how long you try and hide the truth from the American people, you just can’t expect to keep on being able to do that forever! The court-martialling of ten impoverished, low-income, bottom-rank Air Force pilots who laughably claimed to be ‘only following orders’ just goes to show that in the world of today, justice truly is coming for absolutely everyone, no matter what your rank or status!

Don Lemon adds:

Oh great. Nice to see all these privileged white supremacist assholes finally getting what’s coming to ’em. And there must have been some top brass too, right? Looking forward to what’s gonna happen to all these pathetic, old-ass, mean mad white men generals…

MIC DROP

SHUT UP DON, I THINK IT’S ABOUT TIME WE WERE DUE A COMMERCIAL BREAK!

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann adds:

The utter lack of accountability for US imperialism has been truly troubling. Fortunately, however, the utterly disgraceful and indiscriminate bombing of an Exxon-Mobil oil field, variously put down to a ‘technological error,’ ‘intelligence failure’ and ‘incorrect / unclear instructions,’ is the single worst military atrocity, the single most horrific genocidal act, the single most utterly horrifying and unspeakable crime against humanity since the Holocaust! There are absolutely no circumstances where such an unimaginably, recklessly wicked crime of Corporatophobia can be excused, nor indeed remotely mitigated to the slightest degree.

Sean Hannity of Fox News notes:

Well, look at this! … The karma is real. We hope they’re all now finally going to shut up about all these silly ‘lack of accountability’ allegations, which only ever seem to be directed at Americans. I mean, I’m sorry, but when was the last time you ever heard China or Iran being accused of a lack of accountability? (Well… apart from pretty much half the coverage from the past few decades of this very dearly beloved news channel of yours, but let’s not get hung up on pedantic details!) Time to look at the big picture! Liberals take note… Well frankly, the past few decades, the American people have been sick to the back teeth of all this petty, pedantic, self-indulgent, narcissistic, diversionary whingeing about hospitals, nursery schools and village markets being subjected to collateral damage. However, given the long covered-up atrocity against one of our biggest, most patriotic, most wealth-creating oil companies we’ve ever had, I have to say…
OK. Tell you what. You win, guys. You win! Maybe collateral damage isn’t such a great thing after all. But you know what? Sources say there is absolutely zero likelihood of any one of our oilfields being targeted again. So please can we just shut up about this ridiculous ‘collateral damage’ nonsense? I’ve thrown you a bone, and I’ve cut you a bit of slack, but quite frankly, after all I’ve just said about this terrible war atrocity against our own biggest net contributor to the American energy industry and indeed economy as a whole, I’m already totally bored of this pathetic, pretentious, hyper-intellectual ‘collateral damage’ concept, or should I say, ‘talking point.’ And quite frankly, I’m sure a lot of you other folks out there are sick of it too. Can we just shut up about this and put this tired old concept to bed? I mean, I’m not one for going on and on and on and on about the same old stuff like some embittered Red China propaganda stuff, and yet, and yet, now let me just be clear about this, we have to understand, this tired, discredited, hackneyed, cliched old liberal talking point of ‘collateral damage’ is, well you know, we all know don’t we, opportunistic liberals will stop at nothing to, well you know it’s really pathetic and you know what, it’s really getting old, and I tell you what, we at Fox News are pretty damn sick and tired, and guess what? We know you are too, and I’ll tell you one thing, the one good thing that’s come out of this, is that this monotonous, obsessively repetitive, irredeemably biased elite propaganda talking point is…

This news has been well received by Americans.

Well, at least the ones that really matter!

Between the DHS ban on droning banks, the bipartisan anti-hate speech bill that makes corporations a protected class, and now this, the ongoing emancipation of the wealth creator community seems truly unstoppable! Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey are now said to be preparing a war chest to lobby for even more stringent protections for Silicon Valley, including mandatory executions for all collateral damage against social media platforms; including a wide variety of other ‘proportionate and perspective-driven’ measures to protect Facebook, Twitter and their ilk from inappropriate forms of opposition and aggression.

Full details of the latter measures have yet to emerge, but our confidential sources tell us that the measures will be perfectly proportionate, moderate and rightly scaled, in order to deal with the truly existential threat that critics of social media platforms (and of Silicon Valley) pose to the First Amendment, and indeed to the very survival of America itself.

More on this later if we haven’t been Jack’d!

(Or Zook’d)…

 

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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