Category: Biz News
Chevy Recalls 150,000 vehicles for Nocturnal Emissions Problem
Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – A worldwide recall for Corvette and Hummer vehicles has been officially announced, ending weeks of speculation by industry insiders and automotive experts. The recall addresses certain models that have been plagued, as Chairman Delany Forbes…
Stimulus Bonanza – Federal Reserve to Sell Vitamin Supplements
Jackson Hole, WY (GlossyNews): Mired with increasing signals of an unexpected economic slowdown and the possibility of a double dip recession, the Federal Reserve announced a series of “unconventional” programs it is prepared to undertake in order to stabilize the…
National Stay Home from Work Day Boycott Gaining Momentum
While the Tea Baggers are busy off rallying for their causes, the Populist Party has come up with what they believe is a more effective way to get the attention of big corporate interests to pay attention to just how…
Steenking Badges Demand Trending Sharply Lower
In what industry analysts warn may signal a downturn for Mexico’s extraction sector, ‘Steenking Badges’ futures closed sharply lower today. The precipitous decline over the past six weeks, though generally seen as unfavorable, elicited highly contentious opinions. The widely acknowledged…
Pentagon Buys J.D. Salinger’s Toilet for $1 Million
HOBOKEN, New Jersey (GlossyNews) — The Pentagon today announced that in keeping with the President’s unofficial request to keep spending to a minimum, it would henceforth be purchasing many items used from the popular auction site, eBay at considerably less…
Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among…
The United States of Corporate America
SANDPOINT, Idaho (GLossyNews) — In a bold statement today, a jubilant Sarah Palin announced her plans to rename our country. “We live in a great country. And if we want to see things get done, if we want to support…
Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death
STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of…
Poor Banned from Using Money
Today in the US the upper classes succeeded in getting a bill passed banning poor people from using money. “Money is too good for them.” stated Raymond Emory III, a third generation trust funder, “They only spend it on the…
Bank Deemed ‘Too Big to Succeed’
NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Analysts predict a drop in equity markets this week, in the wake of unexpected SEC announcements. Investment giant Guildenstern & Rosencrantz, long a Wall Street presence, is to be liquidated. The word came from Under Assistant…