Category: Biz News
Recession Success of Walmart, McDonalds Proves God “Kind of a Jerk”
As a sign of His contempt for mankind and its ways, God has played the biggest practical joke of all time by allowing the worst exploiters of the economy and the human work force to be the only ones making…
Banks Face Fines for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners
DOVER, Delaware (GlossyNews) – Justice Department investigators confirmed today they are considering possible fines and other penalties against several of the United States’ largest financial institutions for the murders of hundreds of homeowners delinquent in their mortgage payments. The Justice…
GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform
PARK PLACE HOTEL, NY (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In the latest Congressional wrangling over tax policy, Republicans proposed sweeping new reforms, dubbed “No Millionaire Left Behind,” that would permanently slash taxes for the wealthiest…
Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job
Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a…
San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys
SAN FRANCISCO, California (Glossy News) – With the recent call of progressive groups in San Francisco demanding that McDonald’s no longer be allowed to include a toy with every happy meal, the company has shifted focus away from food and…
Coca Cola Sues KOCH Industries
ATLANTA, Georgia (GlossyNews) — The Coca Cola Company has announced that it is considering bringing a suit on Koch brothers company, KOCH Industires because of their forced mispronounciation of their family name. The Coke spokesperson said “the name Koch should…
If McDonald’s Gets Gov Health Insurance Exemption, Who’s Next?
Rules are made to be broken and it appears that may be happening in the case of the fast food giant McDonald’s when it comes to complying with the new rules handed down under the Health Care Reform Bill. We…
‘Canadian’ Quarter Leads to Terrorist Arrests at Unemployment Office
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — Agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Department of Homeland Security, and SWAT teams from around the are descended on a local unemployment office after a random security sweep uncovered “terrorist paraphernalia” on several adults filing…
Gun & Beer Sales Up, Foreclosures Down in Michigan
MIDDLE AMERICA, USA (GlossyNews) — Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off…
Everyone in Office Takes Vacation Day on Gay Guy’s Birthday
When Morey Leonard arrived at work today, riding high because for once during the year everyone in the office will be nice to him, he found nearly everyone had taken the day off. This seemed strange because just a few…