GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform

PARK PLACE HOTEL, NY (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In the latest Congressional wrangling over tax policy, Republicans proposed sweeping new reforms, dubbed “No Millionaire Left Behind,” that would permanently slash taxes for the wealthiest Americans.

“The American people would rather starve than see our most successful citizens hit by higher taxes,’” said GOP House leader John Boehner. “And my proposal takes an important step in that direction.”

In addition to raising taxes “on a few overpaid union members and minimum wage migrant workers,” Republicans would pay for the proposed tax cuts by unloading national parks to oil drillers, charging stiff fees for Democrats to vote, and selling vendor licenses to unemployed workers who want to hold bake sales.

Boehner’s proposal came in a speech to the Gimmee Moore Club of America, which requires members to make GOP donations that are at least double the median income of an American family.

The White House lashed out at Boehner’s proposal, but Republicans stood firm and business leaders voiced their support.

“The President will vigorously oppose bake sale licenses as well as other elements of this proposal,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.

“These reforms will reduce taxes immediately for nearly every American,” Boehner countered, “as long as they make at least a million dollars a year.”

“What’s the use of making 300 times as much as average workers if you just give it back in taxes?” asked one company CEO. “This just evens the playing field.”

Author: norbert b. snortwhistle

Norbert Bibbington Snortwhistle is not the author’s real name. A freelance writer living in a California beach town, Mr. Snortwhistle writes about business, politics and other strange affairs. You can read his articles on investing and the economy, posted under the name ‘Low Sweat Investing,’ here.

5 thoughts on “GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform

  1. Thanks for commenting. Pelosi seems like she’ll be good for Botox jokes for at least a few more decades. Cheney and duck hunting will never die. W? Don’t get me started.

  2. Thanks for commenting. I’m glad you liked the article. FYI, a few years ago I heard someone call the Bush tax cuts ‘No Millionaire Left Behind’ but I figured by now Boehner could outdo W on policy points and humor potential.

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