Category: Society
US Fathers Pledge to Model Obama: Promise Kids Puppy If Elected President
Taking up the difficult charge requested of the nation’s newest president, fathers around the country have stepped up to make difficult choices and keep hope alive in the next generation. Many are doing this by emulating the exact behavior of…
God Answers McCain’s Prayers with Resounding “No”
God, highest imagined power in all the universe, perhaps best known as the creator of day and night, took a few minutes away from his daily chore of answering billions of prayers for wealth, fame and sexual partners to publicly…
Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course
Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by…
Muppet Agenda Leads to Loose Jell-O Complacence
First we had to deal with the Diaper Industrial Complex, then the Hardline Pro-Potty Training Movement. Now I have to deal with the Muppet Agenda and the influence it has on people around me. It’s bad enough they teach kids that…
10 Ways to Be the Coolest with Duct Tape
Whether you work in an office, metal shop or aboard an oil drilling rig, there are certain tools of your trade you can’t do without. Maybe it’s a stapler, box of binder clips or full set of metric ratchet tools….
Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)
According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions.
Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake
Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as,…
Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports
On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience…
Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety
Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy.
Dumb People Encouraged to Talk Less
University of Washington researchers have been on the verge of a breakthrough in the study of “dumb people” since the initiation of the study in January, 1999. Researchers believe they can raise the intelligence of subjects by 10-12 points if…