Archive | Human Interest

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 2/69: Jizz be Upon Me)

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 2/69: Jizz be Upon Me)

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Encore une fois: this one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie.

Ok, you’ve heard from the people men of wisdom; to wit, the only people who really understand enlightened fucking erudite fiqh rulings from the inside (pretty damn deep inside… and not just fiqh rulings!).

Yes: clearly, Ayatollah Khomeini either is more sexually enlightened than his depraved and despicable hell-bound haters previously thought… Continue Reading

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Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 1/69: Jizz Be Upon Him)

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 1/69: Jizz Be Upon Him)

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This one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie.

OK, we all know about the obviously malicious and unproven allegations of gratuitously gratifyingly enlightened fatwas on “I’m-a-sexin’ that damn fine chicken” that have been directed at Imam Love Doctor Friday Night Wonder AYATOLLAH Khomeini. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Groundbreaking UKIP-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Groundbreaking UKIP-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Nigel Farage is concerned that his Edgy-Rhetorical-Hobby-Club is hemorrhaging voters.

So His-Most-Exalted-Joe-Blogginess has come up with a plan to stop the rot (if not the moral decay) within his Circle-Jerk-Pet-Peeve-Party:

It seems for some wholly (in-)explicable reason, everybody thinks we are actually racist.

Instead of merely PRETENDING to be racist.

You know, solely in order to get elected… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Rich And Poor State What They Have To Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving- Mostly the Rich

Rich And Poor State What They Have To Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving- Mostly the Rich

“I am thankful that I have a job even though I have to work today ’cause my boss told me too.” said Chad Shafted in a slight break between customers at 11 at night at the Des Plains Walmart in Iowa.

“I am thankful even though I am not being paid a cent extra today.”

On the other hand, the entire Walmart owners, the Walton siblings (and we don’t mean the one from the TV series with Jon Boy), stated “We are thankful we have all these thousands of working bees laboring for us on Thanksgiving so that we can afford our luxus ski vacations in Switzerland today. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach

Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach

A recent RTE poll, unsurprisingly, has determined that Enda Kenny, despite malicious rumors from irrational and extremist Fianna Fail hooligans™, really is (as none of us really doubted), the World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach.

Admittedly, it was a close-run thing, as Kenny only grabbed 50.0001 of the vote; his thunder nearly being stole by Rodraig Spartacus O’Leprosy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

LGBTQQ Community Finally Exhausts Alphabet

LGBTQQ Community Finally Exhausts Alphabet

It’s finally happened. The non-traditional sexuality and gender communities have exhausted the alphabet in their attempts to include everyone under one umbrella acronym.

Starting in the 1990s, those of different sexual persuasions started describing themselves as part of the LGBT or lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community.

That designation worked for a while until some smaller marginalized minorities voiced their concerns. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People4 Comments

42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (2)

42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (2)

Yesterday, we ran Part One of this story. Today we conclude with the aptly named “Part Two”.

These articles as to why Scientology is right and true could as easily span a hundred articles or whole book of copyright protected guidance and instruction, or just a pamphlet.

We chose the middle ground. Well, the lower-middle ground. It’s the internet, after all, and we want people to be able to digest this all before answering what are their crimes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (1)

42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (1)

You’ve probably noticed: haters always criticize Scientology. Well, I’m going to educate all you curious and ripe-for-the-picking folks out there on why the doubters are wrong as Hell.

Admittedly, some conspicuously pretentious sophists will say that the reasons given here apply to other religions more than Scientology, but they are lying. And wicked. And should JUST SHUT THE HELL UP… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism1 Comment

How Is An American Treated When He Tries To Get a Job in Mexico?

How Is An American Treated When He Tries To Get a Job in Mexico?

Much ado is made of the treatment of Latin Americans coming across our borders looking for illegal work.

But what happens when an American goes to Mexico to get a job. Roses are not exactly strewn across his path either.

When I was much younger I had had a bad experience volunteering for the forest service (don’t ever do it!) in Wyoming and, angered and upset that I had wasted a whole summer of no pay for thankless U.S. Government Rangers, I headed down to Mexico to escape for a while from the so-called ‘American Dream’. Continue Reading

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Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

The last remnants of the allegedly “modern” and “progressive” faction of the Conspicuously Downtrodden Freedom Fighters in Syria™ have come up with a novel plan to prevent their allies in al-Qaeda from spending more time killing them than fighting President Assad.

“We asked Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to come in and help us, but they turned on us and are slaughtering us like pigs,” wailed one self-styled secular militant:

“I mean, we need to find someone else who can do the job properly. We’ve invited Bono to come and save us, he’s good at that kind of thing. This is our last chance, but we believe if there is anyone at all on this earth who can help us win this war and preserve Our Common Humanity™, it’s Bono.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

“A Drunkard’s Dream If I Ever Did See One”

“A Drunkard’s Dream If I Ever Did See One”

This phrase from ‘Up On Cripple Creek’ by The Band pretty well sums up the first and perhaps the last conscious impression that one would have of Hurley, Wisconsin.

I had heard a couple times from people in Ironwood, Michigan just across the Montreal River and the state line from Hurley that it was ‘where everyone goes to drink’.

Coming into town from Highway 2 and arriving at the main junction and the main stop signs for Hurley that defines the towns business district, if one were to swivel ones head in a complete arc from left to right one would be amazed at the plethora of bars this place has to offer the willing to be soused visitor. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

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