Category: Health
Man Stumped Over Penis Mishap
FALLS TOWNSHIP, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — Court documents released today revealed startling accusations from a Philadelphia area stock broker’s lawsuit against a nationally known erectile dysfunction clinic for their alleged amputation of both the plaintiff’s legs in a botched attempt to…
Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options
WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs. “Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual…
Possible Cause for Marijuana Addiction Discovered
LONDON (GlossyNews) — In groundbreaking new research, scientists at world-renowned Oxford University in Oxford, England have discovered that patchouli oil may cause marijuana addiction. Extensive studies have been conducted over the past twelve years linking the use of the semi-popular…
Obama Food Program Threatens Bush Weight Loss Policies
WASHINGTON, D.C (GlossyNews) — Americans are still too fat, but obesity rates in the United States appear to be slowing, according to newly released research. Government data show that 68 percent of U.S. adults are considered overweight, having a body…
Obama Imposes Shopping Cart Safety Measures for Kids
BALTIMORE, Maryland (GlossyNews) — The Obama Administration, in another unprecedented exercise of governmental control, has ordered the Consumer Protection Agency to implement sweeping new safety codes to protect children in shopping carts. The strict new rules will carry the force…
World’s Longest Hair Discovered in Bake Sale Cake
The World’s longest hair has been discovered by a good Samaritan who bought a 23 pound German chocolate cake from a group of Pentecostal ladies hosting a bake sale in front of a local department store. The 17 foot long…
Burt Reynolds Announces Moustache Club for Men
America’s iconic symbol of 1970’s sexual excess, who’s had more you know what than a porta-potty seat at Bonnaroo, if you know what I mean, today announced a new joint venture with ‘Magnum PI’ alum Tom Selleck. Clinics will be…
FEMA Releases Prep Guide for an Extinction-sized Meteorite Impact
Not ready for a potential meteor impact that could destroy all life as we know it? Download FEMA’s preparation guide and feel better about attempting to protect your family.
Airport Screenings to Include CT Scans, MRIs, Dental Cleanings
WASHINGTON, D.C. (Glossy News) — Last December, following a foiled terrorist airline attack, airports implemented full body scans, prompting many air travelers to wonder what additional security procedures they would have to endure. The wondering can stop. Yesterday, the Department…
Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha
Dallas, TX (GlossyNews) — A new exercise craze is sweeping America by storm. It’s not Pilates, it’s not aerobics, or any number of other workout routines on the market these days. This one is based on getting up on your…