Category: Health
Death Panel Initiative Kills Trees Not People
The debate over whether advance care planning is actually another way to describe death panels is rearing its ugly head again since regulation started January 1st. The few folks who are still fuzzy on exactly what the intent of the…
Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes
A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that…
Poli-Soup; The Cure For “All” Your “Ills”
The miracles of our modern world never cease! Claims are now being made by many pundits that their particular variety of political soup recipe is sure to find a cure for whatever ails you. To concoct your own cure, first…
Chicago High School Replaces Gym Equipment with Nintendo Wii Stations
Chicago, Ill – GlossyNews.com – Chicago’s George Washington High School is the first in the nation to bring its gymnasium into the 21st century by replacing all of its gym equipment, including balls, bats, paddles and nets with two big-screen…
Mitre Spins as Vatican Does Safety Dance U-Turn
The mother Church of Christendom was roiled this week by excerpts from a new book by Pope Benedict LVMCIII. The book, “Because I said So” has stirred controversy due to several passages wherein the Pontiff clarifies condom use. Somewhere in…
Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics
SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America. Based…
Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back
A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually…
San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys
SAN FRANCISCO, California (Glossy News) – With the recent call of progressive groups in San Francisco demanding that McDonald’s no longer be allowed to include a toy with every happy meal, the company has shifted focus away from food and…
Cape Ground Squirrel Study: Masturbation Necessary to Avoid STDs
A recent study has concluded that male Cape ground squirrels have a reason for being one of the most prolific wanking species on the planet. They are ensuring the healthiness of their privates. One has to wonder if these study…
Yet Another Outbreak of Rabies at FOX News
MINOT, North Dakota (GlossyNews) — The recent outbreak of rabies, the madness inducing disease spread by biting that has infected the major stars of Fox News Station, has spread far beyond the confines of their offices. In a new evolution…