MINOT, North Dakota (GlossyNews) — The recent outbreak of rabies, the madness inducing disease spread by biting that has infected the major stars of Fox News Station, has spread far beyond the confines of their offices. In a new evolution of the disease it appears that it has the ability to leap over the airwaves and infect its listeners, turning them into politically monotonic drones, much like brainless zombies constantly ranting the same tired phrases over and over.
Within earshot they are heard to mutter such stock phrases as “Obama is Socialist- Obama bad”, “Obama take all our guns”, “Country going to hell”, “Minorities taking over” and other such spiels. However, anyone getting within earshot of them generally ends up losing their ear and getting rabies themselves.
In a strange twisted development of the disease, liberals getting infected also start their own zombie-like chants- “More spending for schools”, “Bilingualism in all schools and workplaces”, “Open the borders”, “Free lunches for all”. While the infected liberals are not as aggressive as the conservative ones, it should be noted that both are equally infectious. The Fox listeners, however, bite harder and are meaner.
Strangely enough, the disease does not seem to have hampered the output at Fox News. Top Fox pundits Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity still seem to put out their daily diatribe despite being infected. This is especially true in Rush Limbaugh’s case who manages to go on air despite having chewed off his own arm. Some extreme conservatives such as Ann Coulter and Hannity actually seem to have had the illness enhance their performance. Hannity has taken to biting the heads off bats while Ms. Coulter will actually disembowel a liberal live on the air, then suck all the blood out of the lifeless body. The FCC is checking into whether they should let the victims shrill shrieks be heard over the air.
No one is sure if FOX superstar Glenn Beck has been infected or not- his act seems to be the same either way.