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Diet Craze “Famine” Sweeps Hollywood, 3rd World

Diet Craze “Famine” Sweeps Hollywood, 3rd World

Madonna has returned from her latest trip to Africa with a new celeb ‘famine’ diet.

Always looking for a way to stay in shape Madonna, 53, has been following a new diet that will dramatically lower body fat, bone density and muscle. Friends of the Grammy award-winning singer said that she was inspired by how easily the children in the Mwingi district, Kenya, followed the diet in order to stay slim.

The diet consists of one small portion of cavassa root and as little as 100ml of water a day. One day a week you are allowed a bowl of ugali (water and maze porriage).

Members of the public who have tried the diet said that they had felt incredibly unwell, tired, weak and dizzy but Stacy from California said that “the diet really works. The weight has just dropped off”.

Other celebrities, such as Jennifer Aniston, have openly shunned this diet opting for the ‘Hospital IV’ drip diet.

 

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Health3 Comments

The End of Freedom in America. Blame it on the Tyranny of Obamacare

The End of Freedom in America. Blame it on the Tyranny of Obamacare

If you’re like most patriotic, big government-distrusting Americans, you are probably experiencing a range of emotions right now, from anger to rage to angerful rage. It’s a dark day in America thanks to the dreaded OBAMACARE Act of 2010, which was recently upheld by the US Supreme Court in July.

It’s just a matter of time before every last hard-fought freedom we’ve long cherished is pried out of our God-toting, gun-fearing hands – like mankind’s sacred right to be paid more than womankind. We are on the road to becoming United Socialist States of America. If you ask me, the health care plan I had was working just fine. Thanks a lot, Obamacare. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health2 Comments

Following Cannibal Attacks, The CDC Issues Zombie Alert

Following Cannibal Attacks, The CDC Issues Zombie Alert

Atlanta, GA – (SatireWorld.com) The world’s leading research and communicable disease control center (CDC) located in Atlanta, Georgia has issued its first ever Zombie Alert, advising US citizens to be prepared and have ample stocks and supplies on hand in the event of a zombie breakout. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health1 Comment

When it Comes to Healthcare, Give Me Liberty and Give Me Death

When it Comes to Healthcare, Give Me Liberty and Give Me Death

America is the world leader in most important categories: #1 in nuclear warheads, #1 in citizens incarcerated, and breaking into the top 50 in healthcare. We don’t look to Europe for solutions to our problems because those countries are a bunch of whiny, over-indulged socialist brie-eaters with funny accents. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health1 Comment

Leaked Torture Study Truly Unbelievable

Leaked Torture Study Truly Unbelievable

What follows is an excerpt from a leaked torture study titled Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response–By Dr.Gunter Chang. This is not for the feint of heart or the wobbly of knees. Read ahead with this knowledge. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Science1 Comment

Exciting Miracle Weight Loss Cure Placebolax

Exciting Miracle Weight Loss Cure Placebolax

Introducing Placebolax – from SCAMCO – the same company that brought you the (not-quite-FDA-approved) sleep interrupter device Miracle Snore and Eye Can See, the popular battery-operated do-it-yourself laser eye surgery kit. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Heart Torn From Him While Living; Undead Won’t Rest Until Cheney Returns It

Heart Torn From Him While Living; Undead Won’t Rest Until Cheney Returns It

There are levels of Hell that even Dante did not know. (Image courtesy of outletradio.com)

Hells that are not bright and hot but with an icy cold that freezes thought itself.
Hells of place, of emotion, of mind, of other people.

And there are places on earth where these Hells break through to the surface and there manifest. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption

Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption

Long after contemporary pundits have passed on to their respective rewards (7th level of Dante’s Inferno) historians may characterize the Affordable Healthcare Act as 2700 pages of unintended consequences.

That possibility loomed larger this week as Ford Motor Company triggered what is being called the mother of all loopholes. At issue before the Supreme Court’s precedent shattering emergency session is whether Ford is a faith based organization. Continue Reading

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Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America

Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America

A ban on all depilatory creams in America has aging women scrambling to find alternatives for getting rid of unsightly hair on their chins and necks.

Pharmacies are finding it hard to keep tweezers and magnified mirrors in stock.

“It’s been a madhouse ever since Tuesday when the ban on depilatory creams was announced by the FDA,” said Mildred Thompkins (pictured above), assistant pharmacy director at a local drug store. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter

News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter

The news out of Michigan this morning is that not all women in America are angry at Santorum financial backer, Foster Friess for stating that a safe and effective form of birth control for women is a simple aspirin placed between the knees.

Women were lined up at pharmacies around the country buying up every aspirin tablet they could get their hands on and pharmacists were inundated with questions such as “Will BC Powder work just as effectively if I sprinkle some between my…uhm, legs?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Health2 Comments

UK to Smokers: Try #2 Pencils

UK to Smokers: Try #2 Pencils

Cabinet officer says pencil substitution now proven to reduce smoking-related deaths.

LONDON, ENGLAND —GLOSSYNEWS The UK Cabinet Office wants cigarette smokers to start biting on #2 pencils to replace the cigs they are smoking,in order to lower the numbers of deaths caused by smoking disease each year. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

California Bans Bacon

California Bans Bacon

The California State Legislature has finally passed a bill banning all bacon and bacon-like products from the shelves of supermarkets and restaurants across the state in an effort to get Californians back on the healthy track. California is the first, and possibly the only state to take such drastic steps to protect its citizens from themselves. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health4 Comments

Marijuana Candles Give New Meaning to the Term Melting Pot

Marijuana Candles Give New Meaning to the Term Melting Pot

A new product is hitting store shelves in the states where medical marijuana is legal. “Melting Pot” candles. The candles are made from a mixture of beeswax and potent medical marijuana and are the brainchild of Potpend Home Products.

These unique candles have been approved for use by the FDA, DEA, FDIC and NATO. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Health1 Comment

Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare

Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare

Today, Goofus and Gallant tackle the tricky issue of healthcare in the United States. Is it right, left or just plain wrong? Many say it is, but to which is the real question, and the answer to that is also yes.

Here weighing in on the matter with a point/counter-point is our old friends Goofus and Gallant.

While the views expressed below are solely that of the author, we might point out that they are, in fact, correct, and anyone who disagrees should post hateful rhetoric in the comments below. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health4 Comments

A Gastronomical Guide To Ghastly American Foods

A Gastronomical Guide To Ghastly American Foods

There are many who come to our American shores think they are arriving at a Shangri-La where everyone dines off a silver spoon and delicious, filling, nutritious meals are only a refrigerator away from their satin bedecked table.

Many possessing these TV Land illusions come from places where food is still picked directly from trees or fields and are surprised to find that here it comes in colorful boxes or wrapped in plastic. Boy, are they in for a wake up call! Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest4 Comments

The Texas Abortion Gauntlet: It’s Runny

The Texas Abortion Gauntlet: It’s Runny

With Texas Governor Rick Perry signing a new bill requiring women to see a sonogram of their unborn baby before undergoing an abortion, into law, the nature of the abortion debate has changed nationwide.

The law in its current form requires a 24 hour waiting period and for photos of the developing fetus to be made available to the expecting mother. Governor Perry praises the law saying, “Every life lost to abortion is a tragedy we all must work together to prevent.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics1 Comment

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