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Exciting Miracle Weight Loss Cure Placebolax

Exciting Miracle Weight Loss Cure Placebolax

Introducing Placebolax – from SCAMCO – the same company that brought you the (not-quite-FDA-approved) sleep interrupter device Miracle Snore and Eye Can See, the popular battery-operated do-it-yourself laser eye surgery kit. Continue Reading

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Heart Torn From Him While Living; Undead Won’t Rest Until Cheney Returns It

Heart Torn From Him While Living; Undead Won’t Rest Until Cheney Returns It

There are levels of Hell that even Dante did not know. (Image courtesy of outletradio.com)

Hells that are not bright and hot but with an icy cold that freezes thought itself.
Hells of place, of emotion, of mind, of other people.

And there are places on earth where these Hells break through to the surface and there manifest. Continue Reading

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Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption

Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption

Long after contemporary pundits have passed on to their respective rewards (7th level of Dante’s Inferno) historians may characterize the Affordable Healthcare Act as 2700 pages of unintended consequences.

That possibility loomed larger this week as Ford Motor Company triggered what is being called the mother of all loopholes. At issue before the Supreme Court’s precedent shattering emergency session is whether Ford is a faith based organization. Continue Reading

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Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America

Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America

A ban on all depilatory creams in America has aging women scrambling to find alternatives for getting rid of unsightly hair on their chins and necks.

Pharmacies are finding it hard to keep tweezers and magnified mirrors in stock.

“It’s been a madhouse ever since Tuesday when the ban on depilatory creams was announced by the FDA,” said Mildred Thompkins (pictured above), assistant pharmacy director at a local drug store. Continue Reading

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News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter

News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter

The news out of Michigan this morning is that not all women in America are angry at Santorum financial backer, Foster Friess for stating that a safe and effective form of birth control for women is a simple aspirin placed between the knees.

Women were lined up at pharmacies around the country buying up every aspirin tablet they could get their hands on and pharmacists were inundated with questions such as “Will BC Powder work just as effectively if I sprinkle some between my…uhm, legs?” Continue Reading

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UK to Smokers: Try #2 Pencils

UK to Smokers: Try #2 Pencils

Cabinet officer says pencil substitution now proven to reduce smoking-related deaths.

LONDON, ENGLAND —GLOSSYNEWS The UK Cabinet Office wants cigarette smokers to start biting on #2 pencils to replace the cigs they are smoking,in order to lower the numbers of deaths caused by smoking disease each year. Continue Reading

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California Bans Bacon

California Bans Bacon

The California State Legislature has finally passed a bill banning all bacon and bacon-like products from the shelves of supermarkets and restaurants across the state in an effort to get Californians back on the healthy track. California is the first, and possibly the only state to take such drastic steps to protect its citizens from themselves. Continue Reading

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Marijuana Candles Give New Meaning to the Term Melting Pot

Marijuana Candles Give New Meaning to the Term Melting Pot

A new product is hitting store shelves in the states where medical marijuana is legal. “Melting Pot” candles. The candles are made from a mixture of beeswax and potent medical marijuana and are the brainchild of Potpend Home Products.

These unique candles have been approved for use by the FDA, DEA, FDIC and NATO. Continue Reading

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Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare

Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare

Today, Goofus and Gallant tackle the tricky issue of healthcare in the United States. Is it right, left or just plain wrong? Many say it is, but to which is the real question, and the answer to that is also yes.

Here weighing in on the matter with a point/counter-point is our old friends Goofus and Gallant.

While the views expressed below are solely that of the author, we might point out that they are, in fact, correct, and anyone who disagrees should post hateful rhetoric in the comments below. Continue Reading

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A Gastronomical Guide To Ghastly American Foods

A Gastronomical Guide To Ghastly American Foods

There are many who come to our American shores think they are arriving at a Shangri-La where everyone dines off a silver spoon and delicious, filling, nutritious meals are only a refrigerator away from their satin bedecked table.

Many possessing these TV Land illusions come from places where food is still picked directly from trees or fields and are surprised to find that here it comes in colorful boxes or wrapped in plastic. Boy, are they in for a wake up call! Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest4 Comments

The Texas Abortion Gauntlet: It’s Runny

The Texas Abortion Gauntlet: It’s Runny

With Texas Governor Rick Perry signing a new bill requiring women to see a sonogram of their unborn baby before undergoing an abortion, into law, the nature of the abortion debate has changed nationwide.

The law in its current form requires a 24 hour waiting period and for photos of the developing fetus to be made available to the expecting mother. Governor Perry praises the law saying, “Every life lost to abortion is a tragedy we all must work together to prevent.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics1 Comment

Obamacare to Include Mood Ring Mandate?

Obamacare to Include Mood Ring Mandate?

As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Continue Reading

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Disclaimers & Vegetarians – One (Correct) Opinion

Disclaimers & Vegetarians – One (Correct) Opinion

Sometimes you’ll see the disclaimer, “No animals were harmed during the making of this film”, at the end of a movie. I think that’s a rather bold statement. I’m watching the movie thinking, “I know for a fact around the time they were making this movie that I ran over a squirrel and accidently locked my cat in a closet over a weekend.” Continue Reading

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Shocking: “Birds And Bees” Explained Around The World

Shocking: “Birds And Bees” Explained Around The World

At some point in every parent’s life, there comes a time when they must explain that very fundamental but mysterious and appealing fact of life to their offspring–the sex act.

(Image courtesy of the brilliant folks at SaintGasoline.com.)

Not an easy task for anyone, including our neighbors around the world. Let’s take a look at how other nationalities, races, cultures and religions handle this most difficult of subjects to discuss with your young ones. Continue Reading

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Get Drunk… It’s for the Children

Get Drunk… It’s for the Children

A lot of different communities have started a recycling program, commonly called “Cans for Kids.” The concept is to collect and recycle aluminum cans and have the proceeds go towards things such as children’s education.

Many of these programs have had a significant impact on education, providing college scholarships, funding arts programs and providing better quality education materials. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Health0 Comments

European E-Coli: Will Children Ever Eat Greens Again?

European E-Coli: Will Children Ever Eat Greens Again?

BRUSSELS – GlossyNews.com– Veggie Exporters Without Borders is appealing for calm over an E. coli outbreak that has Europeans fearing for their lives.

Now, even Russia, a country with few rules and regulations, has decided to slap a ban on vegetables from Spain and Germany, making exceptions only for the potato. Continue Reading

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