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Intense Negativity From Election Drama Create Huge Psychic Whirlwind In Atlantic

Intense Negativity From Election Drama Create Huge Psychic Whirlwind In Atlantic

The generated heat created by battle between the two rivaling political parties vying for the U.S. Presidency has unleashed unforeseen consequences.

The constant turbulence from partisan hatred, scandalous accusations, frictional debate and just plain pissedness has caused a massive psychic turbulence that has formed over Washington and moved out over the Atlantic Ocean where it has congealed into a monstrous whirlwind which threatens to be the Mother of all hurricanes. Continue Reading

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Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout

Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout

STAMFORD, CT – In the aftermath of one of the worst storms to batter the East Coast of the United States in recorded history, a Republican man whose lakeside house was left with almost $1.7-million-worth of damage at the hands of Hurricane Sandy reluctantly accepted government handouts Tuesday, as FEMA moved to assist those in need.

Despite routinely criticizing the Obama Administration for its perceived expansion of entitlement programs, longtime GOP supporter, James Winkler of Stamford Connecticut, held his head in his hands today, and conceded: “okay, just this once.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Society1 Comment

Report: Hard To Tell If Brooklyn Battered by Hurricane

Report: Hard To Tell If Brooklyn Battered by Hurricane

NEW YORK CITY, NY – According to hundreds of eye-witnesses in New York Monday, the borough of Brooklyn “may or may not” have been affected by the onslaught of Hurricane Sandy, with one onlooker insisting: “it’s honestly hard to tell”.

Though it would appear that the area has been devastated by widespread flooding, people on the ground said that the destruction being seen in places such as Lower Manhattan was “perfectly normal” in places like Bushwick and Bed-Stuy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment2 Comments

Prisoners In Mexico Can Reduce Their Prison Sentence By Producing Electricity

Prisoners In Mexico Can Reduce Their Prison Sentence By Producing Electricity

Mexico City – (SatireWorld.com)

Although prisons are intended as places where convicted criminals can pay their debts to society, confinement behind bars rarely yields anything other than the punishment alone.

But now, thanks to an innovative new initiative underway at a correctional facility in Mexico City, prisoners are being given the chance to slash their sentences while bringing a bit of light into the world, literally…by producing the electricity used to power city street lamps with some muscle power! Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Technology3 Comments

Israel Protects Palestinian Land from Use

Israel Protects Palestinian Land from Use

Uri Gnorant of the Israeli Bureau of Land Redemption was eager to see me. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “You reporters talk about how little we do for Palestinians. This is a chance to set the record straight. When it comes to environmental protection and conservation, no one could possibly do more than we do.

“Take water, for example. We have reduced Palestinian water consumption to less than a third of what it was in 1967. No place else in the world can boast such an accomplishment. Even we Israelis cannot match it. Continue Reading

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Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care

Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care

It is now an established scientific fact that global warming is taking place around the world. You can see it everywhere. Glacier National Park is melting. Huge slabs of ice in the Polar Regions are dropping into the sea like so many gigantic ice cubes into some cosmic scotch and soda.

The ocean is steadily rising. Pretty soon if you live in Florida you’ll need an inflatable raft to get to your kitchen for a snack. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Opinion/Editorial4 Comments

The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won

The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won

“We have to destroy the environment as quickly as we can.”

These are the findings of the Movement for Environmental Sabotage and Subversion (MESS).

The position of MESS is that the attempt to preserve and protect the environment and to lessen the environmental impact of human activity is irresponsible.

RIGHT: Photo courtesy of Jonathon Blakeley. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment1 Comment

Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan

Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan

New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up.

New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference earlier today “We’ve totally got this one.”

U.S. Army Corps of Engineers have been hard at work making sure the impact of Hurricane Isaac will “be way, way less than Hurricane Katrina.”

Lt. James Brixton goes on to say “we are so prepared this time around, it’s not even funny. We conscripted many local beavers to help us reinforce our previously damaged and ill designed levy system. No one knows more about containing the unpredictable power of water than the wise beaver.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Society4 Comments

Something Lewd And Disgusting Is Happening In Our Woods

Something Lewd And Disgusting Is Happening In Our Woods

There is a great and disgusting problem afoot and I would like to ask you, dear readers, to help me in the eradication of it. I would like to create a petition and get as many concerned Americans as possible to help me stamp it out.

It concerns an obscenity so horrible, so foul, so distinctly against the American way of life that I am shocked it has continued on for millenniums without anyone doing anything about it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment5 Comments

A Bag For Life Not Just For Christmas

A Bag For Life Not Just For Christmas

Following the extremely successful campaign ‘A Dog is For Life Not Just For Christmas’ the Dogs Trust have strayed a little from their charter by embracing the same slogan for ‘bag for life’.

The Dogs Trust have found that there is a massive increase in sales of ‘bags for life’ in the lead up to Christmas, sighting cute Christmas designs and heavy shopping loads. The Dogs Trust claim that shops have a duty to ensure responsible owners are found rather than the current system which allows anyone to purchase the bags. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Human Interest1 Comment

In Animal Kingdom, Doin’ Big Nasty Is Sometimes Real Nasty

In Animal Kingdom, Doin’ Big Nasty Is Sometimes Real Nasty

Human beings appear to be the only creatures that can have sex sheerly out of pleasure. The animals seem to do it mostly as a matter of course. I mean, can you imagine a lobster having pleasure out of intercourse? Or a walrus? Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming

Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming

NEW YORK – Despite suffering through one of the hottest summers on record, Americans are finding that their previous concerns about the possible long-term effects of global warming have been nearly eradicated as a result of their newfound fears about the global debt crisis. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Politics2 Comments

Scientists Discover Rare Pygmy Bigfoots

Scientists Discover Rare Pygmy Bigfoots

Vancouver, BC – GlossyNews.com – In what may finally put to rest the perennial “Does Bigfoot exist?” controversy, a team of Canadian scientists from Saskatchewan State College announced Tuesday that it has discovered a race of pygmy Bigfoots living deep in the remote pine forest of British Columbia.

“We tracked a trail of their massive footprints for three days,” says lead archaeologist Jacob Standunsky. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Science0 Comments

Dung Becomes Newest Clean Energy

Dung Becomes Newest Clean Energy

Fibrominn, LLC in Benson, Minnesota has the distinction of being the first U.S. power plant fired by turkey droppings in an effort wean the U.S. from fossil fuel to fecal fuel. And the turkeys couldn’t be happier. The plant burns 90 percent turkey dung and in an ironic twist, creates “clean” power from “filthy nasty” fuel for approximately 40,000 homes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Science0 Comments

BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor

BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor

Media release: Monaco, 0800hrs, Energy giant BP, (formerly British Petroleum) has announced an offer of support to the Japanese government overnight, pledging to fully rebuild the nation’s damaged nuclear reactors on undisclosed but “very favorable” terms. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, World News16 Comments

Japan Quake Silver Lining: Whaling Fleet Decimated

Japan Quake Silver Lining: Whaling Fleet Decimated

As sure as every crowd has a pilfer lining, every crowd has one of silver. While the quake off the northeast coast of Japan has already racked up a death toll in the thousands, there may still be some good news. Sources have suggested that the Japanese whaling fleet may have suffered serious, permanent damage from the resulting tsunami. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment70 Comments

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