Categorized | Environment

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

TOKYO — Geologists working with the Institute of Really Obvious Shit (IROS) sheepishly admitted yesterday that they have just now found the world’s largest volcano.

According to Lead Researcher Dr. Cataract, “It’s a big ol’ fucker, too. Not sure how we missed it. But, well, there it is.”

RIGHT: A photo of a different, far-more-interesting volcano that actually has the lava and the explosions and what not, and which was probably discovered back when it mattered.. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

The volcano, which covers 119,000 square miles and is being called “Tamu Massif,” (presumably Japanese for “Existential Mound”) was discovered at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

Said Cataract, “In our defense, it is at the bottom of the Pacific… and, on a tip, we had been searching in the middle and top of the Pacific for years. It’s always the last place you think to look.”

Cataract concluded his statement to the press, saying, “Now all we have to do is figure out what to do with this discovery. The options are limitless. I mean, do we gather footage of the inactive volcano just sitting there and make a cool, two-minute montage video set to the song ‘Sail’ by AWOLNATION and hope it goes viral? Or do we just update the Wikipedia entry for ‘World’s Largest Volcano’ and call it a day?”

At press time, it was reported that IROS researchers were in talks with James Cameron about possibly making an entirely unnecessary second trip to visit the volcano.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 47 posts on GlossyNews.com.

If you enjoyed this article, well, there's probably something deeply wrong with you. Fortunately, I'm neither your psychiatrist nor your sponsor. I'm an enabler, and I've got more of that sweet, sweet satire on my website, Reidicule News. Go ahead. Click it and get your fix. I won't judge.

.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!


Check us out on Kickstarter!


Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial