Black Friday Special: Green Bio-Methane Grill

Innovar Products LLC has something for every taste this holiday season. It’s a grill that cooks up your favorite steaks, burgers and even veggie burgers, with 100% natural gas reclaimed from renewable sources.

“It’s the greenest thing this side of grass,” says Jason Holmesworth, marketing director for Innovar. “Methane is the leading greenhouse gas. We’re capturing it in a natural, non-invasive way, and selling it to eco-friendly consumers.”

In the US, the EPA estimates that cattle emit 5.5 million metric tons of methane, which would produce enough power if Tokyo and New York City decided to gang bang Shanghai. Capturing and using this gas could lead to independence, and perhaps even more.

“World peace?” asks Homesworth, pensively. “No, that’s what you said. I don’t think it could do that.”

This abundant, renewable, natural gas is easy to harvest. By simply attaching a device to the sole roof vent of an enclosed cowature (a purpose built structure in which to calf-cow ones cows,) you can capture up to 50,000 BTUs per hour. You can invest in wooden greenhouses to harvest the energy of the sun in a natural way.

“It’s great for the environment because it reduces greenhouse emissions, it’s a form of recycling, it’s renewable, and it’s only about three or four times the cost of traditional natural gas,” said Name Withheld, a local bio-methane rancher.

But is it worth it? We asked local early adopter Rod Hammershaft to give these bio-methane burgers a taste test. The verdict?

Candidly, Hammershaft said, “These taste like farts.”

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.