‘Throwing Calculus Textbook At Doppelganger Not Best Decision,’ Says Frustrated Undergraduate Attending Summer Session

Central Iowa.  20-year-old Roger Lansky, an undergraduate student currently attending Summer Session at Loran University, confessed last week that his act of throwing a 458-page Calculus textbook at a doppelganger hiding in the wall behind him may not have been the best decision he ever made. 
Exasperated and burned-out while struggling to immerse himself in an accelerated (and extremely difficult) Calculus 1 course, Lansky, who had had previous encounters with the malicious entity over the course of the 2021-2022 academic year, finally became frustrated enough to hurl a harmless physical object at the ‘otherworldly’ spirit capable of moving effortlessly from one dimension to another while imitating him at any given moment in time.    
Aargh!”  “Not Again!” and “God-Damnit!,” were just a few of the words Roger was heard shouting by the select few students trying to sleep before the sound of a rather heavy book improperly connecting with solid brick travelled throughout the third floor of Wycliff Hall at 3:00 am on June 23rd.     
Roger claims he was simply trying to study the laws of sines and cosines when he turned around and saw his own face thinly appear in a cloud-like mist slightly below the ceiling. 
Under pressure to pass an exam scheduled a mere few hours away, Lansky angrily wrote ‘Y=FUCK THIS SHIT!’ in his notebook before whipping nearly 1 pound and 2 ounces of mathematical formulas and abstract word problems at the invisible specter that had ruined his last two semesters by taunting him, keeping him awake at night, attending social events only to act like a jerk, blowing his chances to meet women, and even flunking some of his classes.
After hearing a loud cackling laugh that rattled all the tables and chairs in the study lounge, the overwhelmed undergraduate then witnessed numerous orbs blast down the east wing and vanish seconds before a nearby window shattered into pieces.
Upon concluding that his residence hall was haunted and that showing signs of aggression towards a doppelganger hadn’t been his best move in life, Roger (determined to ensure the rest of his summer would go smoothly without paranormal interruption) gained official permission to leave Wycliff Hall and then moved into an off-campus house occupied by several Ouija Board users who enjoy partying and drinking Whiskey while peeing on the gravestones of a nearby cemetery. 

Author: Wes Janson

BIO: Wes Janson is a Master's Degree Holder as well as a former international educator who lived in South Korea and Taiwan. He is also an isolated, balding, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, angry, hopeless, neurotic, self-medicating iconoclastic nihilist filled with delusions of grandeur who is currently struggling with the irreversible effects of a severe mid-life crisis.

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