Grant County, Wisconsin. Despite pleas from family and local community members who were tremendously concerned about his mental, emotional, and physical well-being, Craig Lane, 44, made the hard-core decision last Sunday to put an immediate end to his daily consumption of coffee, unfiltered cigarettes, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, Vodka, and Canadian Whiskey.
Having noticed that something seemed ‘wrong’ and slightly ‘off-kilter’ with the Tool & Die Maker at Pine Bark Industries while he was throwing up all over the counter and floor of a local tavern three weeks ago, Platteville resident Bill Johnson, 49, confessed that he could see this coming.
“I got the subtle notion that Craig was pondering a lifestyle change before he fell out of his bar stool and landed face-first on the hardwood floor,” Johnson said, adding that Craig had made a disturbing comment about the potential joy of absorbing dietary fiber and antioxidants slightly before projectile vomit sprayed out of his face and splattered all over the numerous bottles behind the bartender.
After informing Craig’s wife, Brenda, 43, that her husband had incoherently babbled about nature hikes, vitamin k, folic acid, and selenium while lying on the floor, Bill (feeling the ultimate need to alert other members of the community that his ‘long-time’ friend had thoughts of dangerously exploring a lifestyle with which he is unfamiliar) proceeded to organize an intervention.
Upon entering the front door of his home on Friday evening after a 2-mile jog, Craig, who had merely been anticipating a night of opening his refrigerator so that he could pound down numerous clumps of broccoli and cauliflower before ranting and raving endlessly about the long-term benefits of vitamin B6 and Omega-3’s, was more than shocked to see a gathering of people sitting in his living room around a chair waiting just for him.
Feeling angry, upset, and resilient throughout most of the 3-hour long session (during which neighbors, friends, his wife, and his two children read carefully constructed notes expressing disappointment but tender concern), Craig finally broke down in tears, admitted he had a problem, and was lovingly handed 2 packs of Lucky Strikes as well as a bottle of Everclear.