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Looper Movie Review

Looper Movie Review

Looper is an amazing movie. Though you have to see the first one to make much sense of it, newcomers will be pleasantly surprised as well.

Looper is set in a fantastic world filled with trees and blue people. These blue people are called munchkins and their entire mission in life is to make their way along a yellow brick road to the city of Shawshank. Continue Reading

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Hard-Up Filmmaker Frantically Writing Raunchy Muhammed Screenplay

Hard-Up Filmmaker Frantically Writing Raunchy Muhammed Screenplay

YORKTOWN – Struggling to break into the film industry with a series of underfunded independent projects, local filmmaker Alan Friedrich was frantically writing a controversial screenplay Friday, depicting the Muslim prophet Muhammed as an alcoholic, homosexual gambler.

Set to the working title of Muhammed Does Vegas, the screenplay was first devised as a conceptual piece about life in rural Indiana. Continue Reading

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Bad News Guvna: Original ‘James Bond’ was American

Bad News Guvna: Original ‘James Bond’ was American

THE BIRTH OF BOND, JIMMIE BOND

Who was the first James Bond on film?

Sean Connery?

Yes, that is true if you go strictly by movie films. Could you believe that there was a television version of Ian Flemings Casino Royale that predated Connery’s first outing as Bond by eight years?

RIGHT: James Bond has stood the test of time, and even survived his transformation into a British icon. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Continue Reading

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Disney Closes Down the Public Domain

Disney Closes Down the Public Domain

In its latest controversial move, the Walt Disney Company has recently acquired wordmarks on the names of several fairytale characters for literary and text based works, in addition to its wordmarks on the same names for all other purposes.

A spokesperson from Disney explained, “We felt it necessary to obtain these trademarks because while we thought the others would be sufficient to protect our characters from abuse, it turns out that people have been abusing them nonetheless. Continue Reading

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M Night Shyamalan’s Children in Tears After Big Twist ‘Resolves’ Bedtime Story

M Night Shyamalan’s Children in Tears After Big Twist ‘Resolves’ Bedtime Story

M Night Shyamalan’s daughters were being comforted today after being “cheated” by the last installment of their father’s bedtime story.

The two girls are refusing to speak to the Hollywood director after he tied up the many plot contradictions by saying the whole tale had in fact just taken place in the mind of a fevered old woman.

The older girl told us, “He promised he wouldn’t just explain everything away with one of his ‘big twists’ again. Continue Reading

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Pre-Movie Announcement Advises Moviegoers to Put Kids on Silent

Pre-Movie Announcement Advises Moviegoers to Put Kids on Silent

CASTLETON – Prior to its 5:35 screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks, a cinema today advised patrons to make sure all babies were switched off and that any children between the ages of 4 and 11 remain on silent throughout the film.

Responding to recent complaints, the AMC Castleton cinema aired a 30-second public service announcement encouraging movie goers to “turn off your kids”. Continue Reading

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Struggling Local Actress Lands Gritty New Role as Data Entry Clerk

Struggling Local Actress Lands Gritty New Role as Data Entry Clerk

INDIANAPOLIS – After working tirelessly to break into the professional theater scene since her graduation from Butler University in 2009, former Theater Studies major Rachael Cardwell has landed a gritty new role entering data for S.C. Clarkson Ltd.

The talented struggling actress, whose only recent stage credit includes playing Lady Montague in a community theater production of Romeo & Juliet, joined up with the accounting firm’s existing crew members Monday. Continue Reading

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Major Continuity Error in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Sees Batman Unveil Really High Pitched Voice

Major Continuity Error in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Sees Batman Unveil Really High Pitched Voice

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Having lined up for four hours to watch the latest installment of the Batman saga Thursday, fans of the series were left stunned as a major continuity flaw saw Christian Bale introduce a significantly higher register to the Caped Crusader’s voice. Continue Reading

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Jackie Chan’s Rush Hour 4 Stalled?

Jackie Chan’s Rush Hour 4 Stalled?

While promoting their newest film Rush Hour 4 in New York City yesterday, Jackie Chan apparently became enraged at Chris Tucker’s self-promotion as the “star” of the franchise and strangled him to death in front of hundreds of shocked on-lookers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures3 Comments

Mubarak ‘Mummy Movie’ Planned for 2013

Mubarak ‘Mummy Movie’ Planned for 2013

Famed Egyptian director, Khairy Beshara, has announced his plan to film a number of features about an undead Hosni Mubarak who wreaks havoc on his countrymen.  The first in the horror series will be Curse of Mubarak The Mummy: A New Arab Awakening.

“I got the idea while I was staring into Mubarak’s cage: What will happen if he dies during his trial? There will be no justice,” says Beshara, who promises justice will be served in full force in the movies. Continue Reading

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Arizona Shooter Cast as Uncle Fester in Franchise Reboot

Arizona Shooter Cast as Uncle Fester in Franchise Reboot

Although the criminal case against accused gunman, Jared Lee Loughner, is just beginning, one thing is for certain, he’s going to prison. And if the administrators over at the infamous Supermax facility in Fremont County, Colorado have anything to say about it, he’ll be doing his time with them, where sources say he’s already being considered for a part in their prison production of The Addams Family musical. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Sundance Darling Catfish Thrilling, Suspenseful, and an Obvious Hoax

Sundance Darling Catfish Thrilling, Suspenseful, and an Obvious Hoax

The 2010 surprise Sundance hit was a film called Catfish, a tale of an internet relationship gone horrible sideways. Apparently the name “Sideways” was already taken, and since the producers didn’t want to just declare it an outright hoax, they named it after a bottom-feeder, since that ugly moniker was somehow also perfectly fitting.

So it’s a good film, and one worth watching… did I get that out of the way? Okay good. Now here’s the rest of the story… Continue Reading

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Linday Lohan Denies Stalking Sam Ronson, Does Anyway

Linday Lohan Denies Stalking Sam Ronson, Does Anyway

Venice Beach, CA – GlossyNews.com: Lindsay Lohan may have kicked the drug habit, but it seems ex-girlfriend DJ Sam Ronson is too powerful to quit. It’s being reported that, fresh from rehab, she’s out jonesing for more of that mysterious Ronson love, as she’s moved right in to the Malibu house next door to hers.

Lindsay Lohan, famous for being infamous, is rumored to at one time have been a child actor, starring in films like “Herbie, Fully Loaded,” “Freaky Friday”, and that one about the jewel thief, I think. Continue Reading

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Critic Pans ‘True Grit’, Deported for Failure to Show Long-Form Birth Certificate

Critic Pans ‘True Grit’, Deported for Failure to Show Long-Form Birth Certificate

This normally quiet Midwestern town has been shaken to its foundation in recent days, due to the shocking news of a traitor at work among its peaceful, tree lined streets.

At issue is Ms. Wanda Carlson’s latest writing in the Tri-City Dispatch. In her usually well received ‘Pass the Popcorn’ column Carlson began, “Me and Harv went to see that ‘True Grit’ thing and I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just a competent remake of a formulaic Western.” Continue Reading

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Pete Postlethwaite Takes Final Bow

Pete Postlethwaite Takes Final Bow

If you’ve ever seen a movie, then you’ve seen the late, great Pete Postlethwaite. It was announced today that curtains have finally been called on the greatest performance of his life – that of his life itself.

Postlethwaite had been battling cancer of an as yet undisclosed type when he quietly died in his bed. Continue Reading

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Marvel Superheroes Humiliated By Disney Domination

Marvel Superheroes Humiliated By Disney Domination

Since it bought out the new, hot running Marvel Comic Movie Studio responsible for such blockbuster hits as Spider-Man, Iron Man and the X Men series, Disney Corporation has begun to institute major changes into the Marvel superheroes to bring them into the ‘Disneyesque’ way of doing things.

Too used to exaggerated violence, slinky sexy costumes and weird, non-earthly enemies, the superheroes were having a hard time conforming to the Disney way of doing things. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Talky Pictures1 Comment

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