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Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls

Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls

In theaters now!

If you liked Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn’s performance in the original 2004 sports comedy, then you are going to love Iron E-Media’s latest release: “DOJBall” (starring Attorney General Eric Holder).

With such memorable lines as, “No one makes me police my own policy!” and “If you can dodge justice, you can dodge a ball,” this summer movie is sure to be a classic. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Superman – That Ultimate Hero of the Great American Dream (or Scream?)

Superman – That Ultimate Hero of the Great American Dream (or Scream?)

One again screens across America will be displaying that ultimate hero of true American ethics, moral values, virility and down home decency- Superman.

Reborn again on the 75 anniversary of his birth in D.C. Comics, the Superhero to end all superheroes is coming once again to save the world and to show it that America is truly the greatest country on the earth. Superman, the protector of the weak, the defender of the American Dream, the inspiration of the young… Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Brilliant “Three Stooges” Gets Eye-Poked by the Oscars

Brilliant “Three Stooges” Gets Eye-Poked by the Oscars

It was an incredibly audacious act of snobbery that the truly classic Three Stooges movie got totally panned for any Oscar whatsoever at the most recent Academy Awards Ceremony.

To begin with, the Producer should have gotten an award for even thinking of the idea in the first place.

True genius- remaking the Three Stooges, the cultural inspiration and societal high point of many male adolescents growing up in the 30’s to the 60’s. Continue Reading

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Glossy News Exclusive: Interview with Mr. Potato Head

Glossy News Exclusive: Interview with Mr. Potato Head

Today we interview that star of toy stores and famed actor from the films Toy Story 1,2 and 3, Mr. Potato Head! Visiting him in his penthouse at the Farmer’s Market in Manhattan he spills the beans on his illustrious life:

A hearty greetings to you, Mr. Potato Head! Thank you for doing this interview with us. Where is it you are from?
Illinois, but my roots are in Idaho. Continue Reading

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‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books

‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books

MUNCIE – In a disguised attempt to let you know that he is exceptionally well-read, an acquaintance today informed you that the latest Hollywood blockbuster you are planning to view this weekend is no way near as good as the book upon which it is based.

During a painstaking 12-minute critique, the pompous little turd proceeded to describe how and why the film’s take on the story “lacked the emotional depth” of the original novel, which, in case you didn’t hear the first time, he has read about twenty times. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Talky Pictures2 Comments

Minor movie critic found dead after reviewing “Constantine”

Minor movie critic found dead after reviewing “Constantine”

Not particularly renown movie critic Kilroy Kovacs was found dead early this morning after becoming stranded on the Long Island Expressway during a blizzard. Kilroy was one of four bodies discovered near an SUV which had gotten stuck and run out of gasoline. According to copious notes left behind by Kilroy, the SUV became stuck shortly before nightfall with only two DVDs: “Constantine” from 2005 and 1991’s non-hit, “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures2 Comments

George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects

George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects

Star Wars creator George Lucas has created massive controversy by issuing an executive order outlawing all special effects in feature film productions.

The law, which will go into effect at the beginning of February, is described by the veteran filmmaker as “A necessary remedy after years of crappy screenwriting excused with exorbitant amounts of CGI.”

Birdemic: Shock and Terror director James Nguyen put forward a statement in support of Lucas, who he calls “An exceedingly talented genius capable of nothing but cinematic perfection.” Supplementing his encouragement is Tommy Wiseau, a close friend of Lucas and respected film director. Continue Reading

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Oscar Snubs Silents This Year

Oscar Snubs Silents This Year

Hollywood’s top silent film producers were shocked to learn that this year’s list of nominees for best picture Oscar included not a single silent picture.

“After last year’s win by The Artist,” said producer Milton Oak. “We figured that those of us making great silent films were once again back on top.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures5 Comments

Disney Expected to Lobby for Term Extension

Disney Expected to Lobby for Term Extension

Many may not realize this fact, but because Frank Churchill died in 1942, the music of ‘Never Smile at a Crocodile’ from the feature length animated version of ‘Peter Pan’ is set to enter the Public Domain across the EEA on 01/01/2013.

As such, I fully expect the Walt Disney Company to start bribing lobbying the European Parliament as hard as it can to create an EU version of the MMPA Sonny Bono CTEA. Continue Reading

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The Extendables- Four Ex-Presidents Fight for Their Right to Get Back in the Saddle

The Extendables- Four Ex-Presidents Fight for Their Right to Get Back in the Saddle

Four ex-Presidents.
Four hearts still filled with a passion for the game.
Together they form a super team-

THE EXTENDABLES!!!!!!

The tale of first class Presidents now turned into first class fighting machines.
Able to rip old legislation apart with their bare hands!
Able to create new laws in the blink of an eye. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Talky Pictures1 Comment

Bond Thriller Skyfall Shot Full Of Holes In This In-Depth Look

Bond Thriller Skyfall Shot Full Of Holes In This In-Depth Look

WARNING! THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS! YES, ENOUGH TO RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU IF YOU READ THEM. AND YES, I AM A BASTARD FOR WRITING THEM.

Skyfall, the newest of the James Bond series that is now in its fiftieth year of creation, is an expensively made, well wrought thriller with gorgeous scenery, gorgeous music (by Adele), gorgeous women, gorgeous violence and, unfortunately a story line with severe defects.

Oh well, you can’t have everything, even if you are James Bond. So, I will proceed to shoot Skyfall full of holes, much like JB did with many of the bad guys in the movie.

As impossible as most of the James Bond films are, there are some bits in the film that really send it over the top.

The first is a shot James Bond takes an incredibly long fall off a very high Turkish bridge…and survives. Even for a fit super spy like him this would be a tall order, but you must also throw in the factors that he has been shot and is apparently unconscious when he hits the water. He also appears to go deep into the water (which doesn’t look like it should be that deep in the first place).

They he falls (still unconscious) over a couple small waterfalls. Then, miracle of miracles, he suddenly appears at a beach resort in what was either a Latin American country or is still in Turkey. He doesn’t let anyone know where he is to enjoy the new found freedom of his ‘death’. If he is in Latin America though, wouldn’t M16 have noticed that he entered that country? Also when he roaming around shirtless, did he not have one bullet hole in his chest when he was shot twice? And wasn’t the one that you do see in the opposite side from when he first looked at it on the train? If he had been hit or even nicked by the high powered rifle on the train it would have done some pretty serious damage to him as well.

Other discrepancies that come up are:

M16 has a huge, obvious building in the middle of town- they are lucky that weren’t sabotaged before. Anyone could lob a grenade up on that thing.

Later in the movie the wounded Minister is able to walk directly into Q’s computer room and surprise them without apparently getting stopped by any form of security.

Bond manages to get into M’s apartment which logically should be as secure as Alcatraz was in its day.

The bad guy gets an entire island’s people to get up and leave due to a scare hoax- as we have seen with Katrina and Hurricane Sandy not everyone listens when you warn them.

Bond finds a casino chip worth 4 million Euros in the gun case of a crack assassin that he has killed. Since when would anyone carry an expensive casino chip around in a gun case, especially an expert assassin?

Bond gives a vulnerable young girl a suitcase with 4 million Euros in it at a notorious Macao casino. He might just as well hung a sign on her that said ‘Mug Me!”

Bad guy in subway chase blows hole in side of tunnel although he did not have time to set the explosive.

Bond returns to his childhood home in Scotland. In the books he is French/English.

Bond doesn’t hide the Austin (car) when hiding out at Scottish home although the bad guys are looking for him.

Although he kills everyone else he wants to in the movie the bad guy doesn’t kill the Scottish houseman when he captures M.

Since when do two small propane tanks create enough of an explosion to blow up a stone mansion when ignited?

The next exterior scene at the Skyfall mansion is at night when a moment before inside it was still day.

Band falls through the ice in a pond outside home in Scotland and goes impossibly deep into it, although from the size and location of the pond it cannot be that deep.

Although the knife Bond throws at the bad guy is not balanced it manages to land perfectly and penetrate his leather jacket and go deep enough into his body to kill him. It is also unlikely because the blade is not long enough to reach his heart.

M dies way too conveniently at the end of the Skyfall drama.

Lastly, and most importantly, James Bond is blond. No way a blond could ever become the top British spy!

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Local Man Pretty Sure He Has Seen Character Actor in Other Things

Local Man Pretty Sure He Has Seen Character Actor in Other Things

INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down to watch the 2009 film The Young Victoria with his wife Angela, local man Andrew Collins insisted that he definitely recognizes that one character actor from somewhere, but where?

Not quite able to place where in fact the seemingly experienced British actor has cropped up before, Collins proceeded to rattle off other films that he and his wife have seen in the past three months. Continue Reading

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