Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Publicist Says Death’s Timing “Unlucky”

An impromptu poll in Variety Magazine Online has voted actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman “Unluckiest Person in the World” after dying of a heroin overdose on Superbowl Sunday.

Hoffman, best known for his work in “Boogie Nights” and Oscar winning performance “Capote” was found dead early Sunday morning in his Greenwich residence with a heroin needle sticking out of his arm.

Agents and public relations managers consider it an albatross to die on a busy media day as the conflicting news attractions draw attention away from the celebrities death. The Super Bowl is considered the perfect storm black hole of media diversions. Read more Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Publicist Says Death’s Timing “Unlucky”

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“The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick

The New York Times reports that it unintentionally ran a movie review of “The Legend of Hercules” written by a guy who never even saw the flick.

The Lionsgate film which reportedly cost $70 million dollars to make brought in only $8.6 million over the past weekend…much of it being refunded to disgruntled audiences who read the Times review.

“This flick had the cinematic value of a bowel movement,” screamed one viewer angrily coming out of the film. Read more “The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick

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The Joker’s YouTube Video Fails to Trend

The Joker flew into a rage following failure of his new YouTube video to go viral. Efforts to sedate him similarly failed due to his high tolerance to anti-psychotic drugs.

According to psychiatrists at Arkham,” Hell, his half-assed effort to appear sane was about as successful as current gun-control laws and half as batshit crazy as Duck Dynasty. We figured it might just fly!” Following are excerpts from The Joker’s rambling 3-hour video.

Read more The Joker’s YouTube Video Fails to Trend

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Ron Burgundy Makes Hilarious Promotional Appearance at Local Man’s Funeral

BISMARCK, N.D. — In character as the “Anchorman” franchise’s Ron Burgundy, Will Ferrell made an objectively hilarious promotional appearance at a local Bismarck man’s funeral yesterday afternoon, the bereaved report.

The funeral, which was originally intended to honor the memory of Henry Scotmeyer, 84, became an instant hit with attendees while also helping to promote the new “Anchorman 2″ film which premiered in theaters this past Wednesday.

According to the eyewitness account of Clay Scotmeyer, longtime Ferrell fan and nephew of the deceased, “Uncle Henry was always kind of a ‘stick in the mud,’ and this whole ‘being dead’ thing was just the latest in a long line of buzzkill moments that he’s dumped on us over the years. Thank God Viacom was generous enough to send Burgundy to make it fun.” Read more Ron Burgundy Makes Hilarious Promotional Appearance at Local Man’s Funeral

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New York As Seen Through The Eyes Of its Cultists-Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese

New York has always fascinated the writer, the artist, the poet and the thousand of gawking tourists who hang around outside the Good Morning America show hoping they’ll get filmed for their family to see back in Wichita.

But everyone sees the Big Apple with a different eye. Two of the cities biggest believers, Woody Allen and Martin Scorsese, seem to be viewing it from different planets.

Just how the city that never sleeps compares between the two film directors makes it obvious they grew up in different parts of town and in different cultures and with different mothers.

NEW YORK AS SEEN IN THE MOVIES OF:

WOODY ALLEN: Guy meets girl – guy has humorous experience with girl – girl splits.

MARTIN SCORCESE: Guy meets girl – girl rips guy off – guy splits girl in half.

ALLEN: The normal family is neurotic and has hang ups.

SCORCESE: The normal family is Mafia and has hold-ups.

ALLEN: The main character gets beat up by life but comes out laughing in the end.

SCORCESE: The main character gets beat up by his own gang and comes out bleeding in the end.

ALLEN: New York is seen as a center for romance and unlimited possibilities.

SCORCESE: New York is seen as a center for bromance and unlimited heists.

ALLEN: Everyone is trying to establish some sort of relationship with the world around them.

SCORCESE: Everyone is trying to establish their relations in the neighborhood around them.

ALLEN: The city is a backdrop for beautiful, romantic interludes.

SCORCESE: The city is a backdrop for beautiful rum and tonic interludes.

ALLEN: New York seems like the hub of the world and steals your heart.

SCORCESE: In New York you start out by stealing hubcaps with all your heart.

ALLEN: The female lead is a beautiful, unattainable girl next door.

SCORCESE: The female lead is a beautiful 14 year old attainable in front of cheap hotel doors for $20.

ALLEN: Jewishness is seen as a social hindrance.

SCORCESE: Being Italian is seen as being a ticket to being in with the big boys.

ALLEN: The girls won’t hit on guys with glasses.

SCORCESE: The thugs sometimes won’t hit guys with glasses (but only sometimes).

ALLEN: Being a nerd is seen as being a mark of sensitivity.

SCORCESE: Being a nerd is seen as being a mark.

ALLEN: Being considerate and sensitive is seen as being fairly nice characteristics.

SCORCESE: Being considerate and sensitive is seen as being the characteristics of a fairy.

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Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa — Review

It’s pretty rare that we see a movie in theaters, let alone in first run. We simply had to watch Jackass:3d and Nitro Circus, so in the same vein, we had to contribute to the delinquency of Dickhouse Productions this time around.

My expectations of Bad Grandpa were pretty high, but I have to say, it delivered. Read more Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa — Review

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Shia LaBeouf Makes Cameo in ‘Black Friday IV’ Trailer

Shia LaBeouf plays a sexy, sharpshooting stranger in the new live-action trailer for “Black Friday IV,” due out Nov. 7 for PlayStation and XBox.

The minute-long trailer, set in the post-Thanksgiving Day ruins of a large retail outlet, features a group of disheveled women battling to escape with their purchases intact as Frank Sinatra’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” plays over a background of gunfire and explosions. Read more Shia LaBeouf Makes Cameo in ‘Black Friday IV’ Trailer

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God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster Movies

HEAVEN – In what proved a serious concern for the International Community Saturday, unconfirmed sources described how His Lordship Almighty God has “really been getting into the disaster movie genre recently,” adding: “He’s watched Twister, like, 8 times in the last month.”

Even though disaster films are typically criticized for their lack of artistic merit, God keeps inviting other deities over to watch mindless popcorn thrillers that depict impending doom to various branches of the human race, said a spokesman. Read more God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster Movies

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Exclusive Interview: Julianna Rose Mauriello – Stephanie from LazyTown

Following a number of articles on Glossy News, Julianna Rose Mauriello, formerly Stephanie of LazyTown fame, agreed to sit down with us for an exclusive interview over Skype.

READ ALSO:
Stephanie from LazyTown Arrested for Prostitution?
Julianna Rose Maurelio, Stephanie from LazyTown, Dead of Apparent Suicide Overdose
Bikini & lingerie photos of Julianna Rose Mauriello (Stephanie from LazyTown) as an adult
Take the Unbeatable GlossyNews Bible Quiz

The interview is here, as follows:

Read more Exclusive Interview: Julianna Rose Mauriello – Stephanie from LazyTown

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Coworker Enraged Man Hasn’t Seen City Slickers 2

CHARLOTTE, NC—While at work Wednesday morning, area insurance agent Anthony Deakins was taken aback by the inexplicably aggressive and passionate reaction of his coworker after Deakins told him he had not seen the film City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold.

“It really caught me off guard,” said Deakins of his coworker’s ardent defense of the 1994 adventure/comedy/western motion picture. Read more Coworker Enraged Man Hasn’t Seen City Slickers 2

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Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls

In theaters now!

If you liked Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn’s performance in the original 2004 sports comedy, then you are going to love Iron E-Media’s latest release: “DOJBall” (starring Attorney General Eric Holder).

With such memorable lines as, “No one makes me police my own policy!” and “If you can dodge justice, you can dodge a ball,” this summer movie is sure to be a classic. Read more Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls

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Superman – That Ultimate Hero of the Great American Dream (or Scream?)

One again screens across America will be displaying that ultimate hero of true American ethics, moral values, virility and down home decency- Superman.

Reborn again on the 75 anniversary of his birth in D.C. Comics, the Superhero to end all superheroes is coming once again to save the world and to show it that America is truly the greatest country on the earth. Superman, the protector of the weak, the defender of the American Dream, the inspiration of the young… Read more Superman – That Ultimate Hero of the Great American Dream (or Scream?)

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Brilliant “Three Stooges” Gets Eye-Poked by the Oscars

It was an incredibly audacious act of snobbery that the truly classic Three Stooges movie got totally panned for any Oscar whatsoever at the most recent Academy Awards Ceremony.

To begin with, the Producer should have gotten an award for even thinking of the idea in the first place.

True genius- remaking the Three Stooges, the cultural inspiration and societal high point of many male adolescents growing up in the 30’s to the 60’s. Read more Brilliant “Three Stooges” Gets Eye-Poked by the Oscars

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Glossy News Exclusive: Interview with Mr. Potato Head

Today we interview that star of toy stores and famed actor from the films Toy Story 1,2 and 3, Mr. Potato Head! Visiting him in his penthouse at the Farmer’s Market in Manhattan he spills the beans on his illustrious life:

A hearty greetings to you, Mr. Potato Head! Thank you for doing this interview with us. Where is it you are from?
Illinois, but my roots are in Idaho. Read more Glossy News Exclusive: Interview with Mr. Potato Head

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‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books

MUNCIE – In a disguised attempt to let you know that he is exceptionally well-read, an acquaintance today informed you that the latest Hollywood blockbuster you are planning to view this weekend is no way near as good as the book upon which it is based.

During a painstaking 12-minute critique, the pompous little turd proceeded to describe how and why the film’s take on the story “lacked the emotional depth” of the original novel, which, in case you didn’t hear the first time, he has read about twenty times. Read more ‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books

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Minor movie critic found dead after reviewing “Constantine”

Not particularly renown movie critic Kilroy Kovacs was found dead early this morning after becoming stranded on the Long Island Expressway during a blizzard. Kilroy was one of four bodies discovered near an SUV which had gotten stuck and run out of gasoline. According to copious notes left behind by Kilroy, the SUV became stuck shortly before nightfall with only two DVDs: “Constantine” from 2005 and 1991’s non-hit, “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”. Read more Minor movie critic found dead after reviewing “Constantine”

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George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects

Star Wars creator George Lucas has created massive controversy by issuing an executive order outlawing all special effects in feature film productions.

The law, which will go into effect at the beginning of February, is described by the veteran filmmaker as “A necessary remedy after years of crappy screenwriting excused with exorbitant amounts of CGI.”

Birdemic: Shock and Terror director James Nguyen put forward a statement in support of Lucas, who he calls “An exceedingly talented genius capable of nothing but cinematic perfection.” Supplementing his encouragement is Tommy Wiseau, a close friend of Lucas and respected film director. Read more George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects

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