Dennis Miller Offering Glenn Beck Sidekick Job

Dennis Miller always had aspirations of being the next Bill O’Reilly or “Billy” as he calls him, or the next Glenn Beck. But, even though he does have his own radio talk show, so far, it’s only gotten him a ticket as a guest wise ass on both of those shows. He wants to be in front of the cameras so bad he can taste it, and now that Glenn Beck is being forced from Fox News, he sees it as his big chance to get ahead in the business.

“Oh, I’m over the fact that people won’t allow me to have my own news show like that hack, Jon Stewart,” said Miller. “But if I can convince Glenn Beck to team up with me in a Laurel and Hardy Meet Walter Cronkite sort of way, that may convince the Fox powers that be that I have that little something extra they need to jazz up their news shows, namely comedy.”

Miller says that Beck is the perfect sidekick for his brand of humor. “People take Glenn Beck seriously, but in reality, he’s one of the funniest and wittiest guys I know,” says Miller. “He doesn’t call himself the rodeo clown for nothing. He knows he’s pulling a big one over on the people of America every time he gets in front of that camera and, up until recently, Beck was laughing all the way to the bank with the bull crap he was telling everyone.” Miller claims Beck would be willing to do the visual stunts his show would need to succeed as well.

“I remember the Glenn Beck episode where he poured gasoline all over some poor guy and was standing there with a match. I was on the edge of my frikkin’ seat,” says Miller. “That’s the kind of stuff I want to do, and Beck could really help me pull it off.”

According to Miller, now is the best time to rope that rodeo clown in on a twosome deal that he (Miller) says will be the best comedy team since Rowan and Martin. “Hell,” he said, “I’d go one better. You get me and Glenn Beck in the studio together, and you’ll swear you’re watching the real version of that old cartoon, Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har. That’s just how funny we’d be. If I can pull this off, the two of us could conceivably take politics to a level so ridiculous, it would resonate louder than the shot heard round the world.”

Miller says he’s ready for the big time. “I’m so tired of hearing the question ‘Who?’ whenever someone mentions my name in passing.”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

33 thoughts on “Dennis Miller Offering Glenn Beck Sidekick Job

  1. Uh, yeah, I gotta go with P. Beckert on this one. Dennis Miller HAD the fame. He let it go and has never since found it again. Lemme guess, now conservatives think he could be president…

  2. Even though we’re talking satire here, I’ll respond. 20 years between cherry gigs like SNL is a bit long, wouldn’t you agree?

  3. He wants to be in front of the cameras so bad he can taste it? You act as if he wasn’t on Saturday Night Live. Jealousy plagues the best of us

  4. Everytime I hear Republicans say that they hate know-it-all, liberal celebrities who use their fame to spread political propaganda — I mention Dennis Miller.

    Dennis Miller is the Rosie O’donnell of the Republican party.

  5. Hey, leave Al Gore outta this, L-T! He invented the internet…he can take it away, you know. And you’re an engineer? Sorry, you lack the over-sized ego for that to be true.

  6. BTW Beckert, congrats on the 300 mark.

    The Global Warming thing is actually simple to
    explain either to Liberals or Conservatives.

    To Liberals I’d say? What’s gone badly wrong here is that a sanctimonious twit is the international face of Global Warming.
    Al Gore couldn’t sell retinal transplants to Stevie Wonder. Cap & trade isn’t anything Americans will ever support, and it’s all we’ve heard from that crowd so far.

    To fellow Conservatives I’d say? I’m going to snap my fingers and double the number of cars, electrification, all the comforts we enjoy in US, for India & China right now. I just brought about 1.75 Americas onto the energy market. That’s what is coming in the next 25 years. If that is all powered by fossil fuels? Your grandkids will live with a vastly different climate.

    I’m not that jackass Al Gore. I’m an engineer who knows chemistry and physics.

    Anybody who’s against global warming should be for nuclear power.

  7. Well, Ms. Whats Your Name- I just think valuable time is being wasted on a washed up ex SNL, semi humorous has been, of which there are many others waiting in the cues. All this valuable attention could be better wasted elsewhere. Look at poor Brittany Spears- no one has written about her in a long time. The poor girl is just begging for some attention. She’s even willing to take off her underwear for it.

  8. Hey guys, a little respect here. Sure I got a one-horse commenter to come in and multi-post on my Miller story but the fact that he did shows you that I can draw one-horse multi-posters like the best of them. I say c’mon in people, lots to see under the Dennis Miller Big Top. And RFreed…stop trying to alienate my alienated readers.

  9. OK, you guys aren’t listening.
    Dennis Miller isn’t God. There are other people in the world!

  10. @Tim – You missed it, and for that, I’m sorry.

    I’ve watched Mr. Miller, and while I find him entertaining, I have fouddn him to be in dire lack of fact-based reality. I’m not sure why you included Bill Maher, but for fact-based influence, but I’m not sure why you would introduce him. He’s a comedy man, though with even ounces of subversive fact… Do we really want to go there? I only ask because it’s all fact-based, which doesn’t support your position.

    The Wikipedia page has literally hundreds of citations, which is more than what you’ve offered by a factor of 100%-one… you have offered no citations.

    If you want to convince me, I’ll welcome outside, independent research. Apparently you won’t embrace this sort or “expert thinking”, and I appreciate that, but you have to know that I will put you in a certain kind of box when you do so.

    Just to be clear, I’m saying that you may or may not be an ignoramus based entirely upon your unwillingness to review actual facts before arriving at your conclusion.

    And where are all your fellow conservative supporters on this matter?


  11. Miller was a frequent guest on late night pseudo-tabloid news shows during that period and did bite a chunk out of Clinton. That’s when I suspected he was possessed by the devil and was arrested trying to throw holy water on him. I think it backfired…

  12. @Brian K White.. Dennis Miller Live. Best ever HBO show (1994-2002). I don’t hate Bill Maher, but he’s too condescending for my taste.

    Please have a better link than to a Wikipedia page.
    Even a dummy like me could have edited that.

  13. @Tim – Glad to have your input, and I’m glad we’re not ruffling your feathers too much. I would disagree that Miller looks at issues from both sides, which is why he’s so popular on Fox News, but almost never appears anywhere else.

    Climate change is real read this page to learn more about the debate among scientists, not news makers. The article about a cooling trend from 35 years ago was NOT the concensus, it was a single study, which has since been found in error.

    @Tim – I heard Franken say that about Miller too, that he was always conservative. I wasn’t interested in politics back then, so I have no opinion on his views. But to say he went after Clinton isn’t just wrong, it flies in the face of facts… Miller left SNL in 1991. Clinton wasn’t elected until November of 1992.

    Your passion is commendable, but your facts are pretty wobbly.

  14. I googled Dennis Miller to get the link to his website (I always do that. I know, it’s stupid). When I saw his name come up in “news”, I clicked on this article. Once I realized the author was taking a “Dennis Miller is a sellout” stance, I felt the need to respond.
    Those who call him or characterize him as a “right wing blowhard” have obviously never listened to the show.
    Al Franken has even said that he’s the same Dennis.
    Dennis has always said his job on SNL was to tear the guy in charge (Reagan) a new one. And NOBODY tore Clinton a bigger one.

    And to liberties-taken, You’re right. It is showbiz! We can have a laugh. Disagree without being disagreeable. (Oh yeah, sorry for calling anybody a dummy. But it makes me feel bad when someone can’t appreciate Dennis Miller.)

  15. How did we all get off on Dennis Miller?
    There are more important things in the world.
    C’mon folks, go to some of the other articles!

    Plus I think it would be better for Miller to side kick Beck rather than make him a side kick.
    That I would pay to see.

  16. Well Kilroy, I drive an ’88 Mustang 5.0 convertible so I guess I’m killing polar bears.

    What always leaves me bemused is how many people actually believe they really ‘know’ pundits they watch on TV.

    Kids, it’s all showbiz…

  17. I think the piece is good satire. It evokes a reaction (i.e. “Tim”).
    Tim has a point about the Ice Age (Yeah, I still drive that car) but refreed nailed it: Miller Ying-Yanged like a crack ho. But I have to say, I enjoyed the commentary. Like the enthusiasm, Tim, but I think you got baited in and fell down the well after you tripped on the satire.

  18. I’m blessed in these sorts of situations, cause I already know nobody gives a crap what I think.

    Ideological evolution happens, but also ideological conversion too.

    Don’t assume these conversions are cynical, just because the person in question landed on the other side of the fence from you.

    I think often, some event triggered such folk to question their beliefs. Usually something personal. David Brock is a guy who took hard turn Left; I accept his conversion as genuine.

    But always remember? Being a public, for profit Conservative or Liberal comes with enormous pressures. These people have to adhere to some positions I find rather silly at times, because their paychecks demand it.

  19. If Dennis Miller is truly looking at both sides of the issue then he is a changed man from when I last saw him.
    When he was with SNL he was Mr. Liberal.
    Then he Yin-Yanged at some point and became a humorous form of Dick Cheney.
    There is some sort of imbalance with the man or a form of sincere insincerity. If he has recently been looking at both sides then good for him. If he is still a FOX commentator then I doubt it.

  20. TASTELESS… not testeless. Geez.
    Apparently I can’t type to save my arse.

    Thank you,
    Inmate #761

    (Tomorrow we’re having pudding!)

  21. Where’s Rodney King when you need him?

    And perhaps a pint of cold beer.

    A shared laugh over a testeless joke.

    A virtual fist bump between writers and satirical compatriots.

    There now.

    All better.

    Say it with me now….

    “Gooze Fraaba”

  22. No frowny face here, just disappointed when people take shots at the only guy in the mainstream who gives an honest look at every issue from both sides. You may not agree with his stance on some issues, but he always is open to good information that can change minds.
    As for global warming, that’s now passe. Just like 35 years ago when there was supposed to be another ice age.
    “Climate change” is now the accepted term. Mostly because nobody has the real answers…..

  23. Woah there, Tim. Chill out with the frowny face. Glenn Beck, whom I despise, is a business genius. In a few short years he’s made tens of millions. Dennis Miller, on the other hand, is predictable and appreciated only by low-information voters.

    He pretends global warming isn’t real, or that if it is, that it’s a good thing. Intellectual dishonesty like that makes me sick. Anyone who still thinks he’s smart hasn’t been out of the echo chamber in a while.

  24. Glenn Beck and Dennis Miller would be perfect together. Neither of those two assclowns have a sense of humor, plus they think kicking a man in the nutsack when he’s down is hilarious.

  25. No. My point is that people like you go right for the name calling without making a point. I get it now. You’re a Miller fan. Me? I just write satire.

  26. Your point is lumping a Glenn Beck in with Dennis Miller? Beck is a moron.
    I think your “satiric” post is supposed to point out that Miller “sold out”, and he is no better than the Fox News guys.
    Again, there is no one on the air today who is more fair and truly funny at the same time.

  27. Beckert, you’re an idiot. Miller is the only guy in this insane media universe who tries to put a logical spin on things.
    You dummies are so buried in you ideology, you wouldn’t know common sense if it bit you on the ass.

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