Machu Picchu, dusk – GlossyNews.com: After ten seconds of reciprocal nodding over candlelight, Nostradamus and Mayan elders have announced they are in complete agreement with their Donald Trump apocalyptic destruction prophecies.
“I clearly mentioned that guy in the 3rd verse of the 4th Quatrain,” declared Nostradamus, whose only failed prediction was his own death in 1566.
“It’s all in there: ‘Ginger Toupee with hot daughter shalt bankrupt casinos, punish television viewers then make them all drink the Koolaid’…” A bunch of dead Mayan chiefs agreed. “Since our scripts are all but extinct, we’re going to have to use some poetic licence here. I can clearly see a guy shouting ‘The whole world is fired!’ at the end of the calendar. You’re just going to have to trust us on this.”
Trump, a potential 2012 Republican presidential candidate, caused a stir recently when he said he’d happily invade Libya and take most of its oil. “In the old days you have a war and you win, then that nation is yours,” explained Trump underneath a swarm of circling crows.
“If I’m successful in 2012, I just want the American people to know they’ll have more stuff because I’ll be stealing it for them and wiping out a few of the bad guys while I’m at it.”
United Nations Secretary Ban Ki-moon was unavailable for comment due to chest pains.