WTF? Crazy Dalai Lama Claims War Crimes Are Purely a Matter of Context!

Everybody knows that unlike all the so-called “Abrahamic Religions” like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Rastafarianism, etc., Buddhism is in a class of its own.

But why? Obviously, because people belonging to all other religions have practiced patriarchy, homophobia, racism, and the odd spot of religious persecution…

On the other hand, as every herb-smoking New Age traveler knows in their heart, Buddhism is the one religion on earth where there has never been a war, or any sort of persecution, prejudice or discrimination whatsoever. Read more WTF? Crazy Dalai Lama Claims War Crimes Are Purely a Matter of Context!

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‘What Dreams Shall Come’ – A Spoof Tribute To Robin Williams

Suicides where always a pain for Detective Malny. Always ugly. Always depressing, although he never let that show.

This one especially.

Robin Williams.
One of the most famous comics ever.
The guy who always made people laugh.
Found hanging by a belt. By his own hands.

He was met at the house by Detective Tromsa, one of the first ones on the scene, someone he had worked with often before.

“Hello. It looks like we got a big one today.”

“Yeah, we sure do. Robin Williams. It’s pretty obvious he killed himself.”

Malny backed up and looked over the house. “Of all people.”

“Yeah, said Tromsa. “You wouldn’t expect it from him.”

“You never know.” said Malny. ‘Sometimes these people have things going on that no one realizes. No evidence of foul play?”

“None. It is pretty obvious that it is simply a suicide.”

“Any note or anything?

‘No, just his cell phone.”

“Anything on it?”

“Haven’t looked yet.”

“Let’s check that out.” (They talk as Tromsa investigates the phone messages.) I was never a big fan of his, but he seemed like a decent guy.’

“Yeah. But he got into the typical Hollywood cocaine crap. That could have something to do with it. It looks like he went into rehab a month ago. His wife also said he has been diagnosed with Parkinsons.”

“Ooh. That will do it. That’s that same thing that Micheal J. Fox has, isn’t it?”

“I believe so.” said Tromsa. “That would be enough to send anyone over the edge.” He scans the telephone as he talks. “I’ve seen a couple films of his that were good. Good Will Hunting was great. Not his typical role. He had to play it pretty straight. La Cage Aux Folles was a hoot. He played this gay cabaret owner with Gene Hackman as his straight brother in law.”

“Ha! That must have made for some fireworks!”

“Yeah! And the weird part of it was Williams wasn’t his usual manic self. He was more subdued!”

“You are kidding? Playing a gay guy?”

“Yup, playing a gay guy. You would think he would go all out on that one.”

“I liked a couple of his too.” admitted Malny. “Good Morning Vietnam was good. Then he did a weird one called What Dreams May Come where he dies and goes to heaven…”

“Oh yeah! And he meets Cuba Gooding there who is his guide. That was a trippy one. Incredible scenery of heaven. He finds out his wife has gotten depressed and killed herself and he searches for her.”

‘Yeah, that was a wild movie. The special effects were unbelievable.”

“I really liked that one. It was beautifully made……..” Tromsa trails off, looking at the phone. “That is strange.”

“What is it?”

“There is a message here from Williams himself it looks like.’

“A phone message?”

“No, a text message.”

“What is so strange about that?”

“The time of his death was around midnight. This message is from 4 AM.”

“What? Are you sure it is from Williams himself?”

“That or from someone using his phone.”

“What does it say?”

Lines deepen on Tromsas face. “What Dreams May Come is true!’

“That;s bizarre! And it has Williams own number attached to it?”

It sure looks that way.” said Tromsa.

“Let me see.” he takes the phone. “Someone must be making a joke.”

“Who would have known about his death?”

“Wait a minute! There is a message coming through right now!”

“A text?”

“Yes.”

“What does it say”

Malny is silent as he reads the message. Finally, in a hushed voice he says “What Dreams May Come is real. I can see it now for myself. I apologize for leaving the mess.”

Tromsa gazes down at the phone in his hand. “What number is on display?”

“Williams own.” says Malny breathlessly.

The men both fall silent as they stare down at the phone. Finally Malny says something. “Unlisted number?”

‘Yes.”

“No one outside the family and his assistant know about his death?”

“Yes.”

Malny looks at Tromsa. ‘I don’t think I am going to report this.”

“Good idea.” replies Tromsa.

Both of the men, each of them well seasoned LA cops, turn to go about their work, both a bit paler than usual, both with unvoiceable questions coming to the forefront of their thoughts.

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Man Buys First CD in 12-Years; It’s Macklemore

Mock as you will, but first consider that the man in question is me, and I literally haven’t bought a CD in 12 years. Why the hell would I?

I’m not saying I’m a pirate, because I’m not. Perhaps I’ve had some pirate-adjacent tendencies since the advent of every program that emerged in the wake of Napster’s shutdown. Read more Man Buys First CD in 12-Years; It’s Macklemore

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Billionaire Fantasizes About Teleporting, Reading Minds

REDWOOD CITY, CA — While waiting for board members of his multinational corporation to convene, Oracle founder Larry Ellison reportedly daydreamed about possessing superpowers.

“Can you imagine how amazing it would be to teleport anywhere with a single thought?” mused Ellison, who is worth over $50.5 billion and owns two private jets.

“The first thing I’d do is see how far I could teleport and how often. Once I figured out the basics, that’s when the real fun would start. I’d definitely find a way to teleport right behind Billy [Bill Gates] when he’s on his private yacht, just to see the look on his face. Read more Billionaire Fantasizes About Teleporting, Reading Minds

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Tech N9ne gets Shady, Leaves Strange

After 16 years of being strange to the hip hop scene Kansas City, MO rapper Tech N9ne leaves the label he created.

Tech, whose real name is Aaron Yates has sold over two million albums and has had his music featured in film, television, and video games. Now after all hes built he’s ready to move on with another label.

“You know that there are billions of stars in the universe. But the star had quite a difficult time shining amongst all the other stars.” Says Yates.

After signing an undisclosed deal with Eminem’s Shady Empire. “Eminem is a complete emcee to me,” Tech N9ne says in an interview XXL.

“He’s a complete emcee, man. Not everybody lets you in. I’m one of the ones that lets you in. Personal life and everything. There’s no personal stuff about him because he’s the most lyric flipping motherf***er in the world like he is. But he has substance, as well. I really like that. I really like people that can let people in.”

Let in is just what Marshall Mathers has now done with Yates. Signing the undisclosed deal will finally take him out of the rap underground and propel him into the mainstream. Fellow label mates of Strange have been taking away from the aging rappers spotlight and he feels this is his way to take the crown.

N9ne said, “Just me and him on a song, ’cause I think he’s one of the dopest rappers out there, and I wanna hear how I sound next to one of the dopest motherfookahs I’ve heard. I’ve worked with some of his homies, Proof, Slaughterhouse, D12, all of ’em. He’s the only one left. Even Yelawolf. I worked with all them mothrafrackers. He’s the only one left.” until now.

Sources say the deal is for a collaboration album with the Detroit king of rap. Meaning the king of the underground and the king of mainstream will be taking over. Expect to see a press release from the rappers Strange imprint by Monday. Yates wont be stepping down as CEO of strange just adding himself a little Shady.

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Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon

Middletown, NJ – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV’s classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together.

Apparently, the double douchebags came to blows over a disagreement about which was better for business: Spray tans or the traditional tanning beds. Read more Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon

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