Archive | Celebrity Gossip

Since Breakup From Orlando Bloom, Many Men Now Fantasizing About Miranda Kerr

Since Breakup From Orlando Bloom, Many Men Now Fantasizing About Miranda Kerr

After reports surfaced that former Victoria’s Secrets model Miranda Kerr has split from her husband Orlando Bloom, millions of men admit to having fantasies about dating or having sex with her.

“Goddamn she’s single now!” exclaimed Nebraska construction worker Gerald Hornby. “I’d love to be the first one in her panties!”

“I can see myself doing her”, said New York bartender Larry Tish. “Hey, if she comes into the bar she won’t be able to resist me!”

Some men expressed interest in dating the model but withheld any preconceived sexual interest. “We should go out for dinner first”, said Los Angeles attorney Douglas Hartwell. “Then I could take her to the theater, maybe buy her a fur coat. Even fantasizing about sex would have to wait a couple of weeks for a classy gal like her”.

A small percentage of men expressed little interest in dating the curvaceous model. “She’d want me to buy her nice shoes and diamond rings and expensive shit like that”, said Macy’s Department Store worker Lloyd Johnson. “It’s all I can do now to take my gal out for dinner at Denny’s once a week”.

Meanwhile, some women expressed interest in dating her former husband and Lord of the Rings star Orlando Bloom. “He’s fricking hot and he’s rich!” said Bangor, Maine Starbucks barrister Shirley Filswhip. “He can park his shoes under my bed anytime!”

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment3 Comments

Power Outage Pulls Plug on South Park Episode

Power Outage Pulls Plug on South Park Episode

Los Angeles: In these uncertain and unstable times there is still one thing the people of America believed they could rely on. Now, all hope is lost and even when the government shutdown ends (which if Cartman has anything to do with, will soon go the way of Kenny) an episode of South Park will still have been delayed.

For the first time in its 16 year, 240 episode history, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone failed to deliver. No, they weren’t out dress shopping for the next awards show; they simply couldn’t meet their notoriously tight deadline due to a massive “unscheduled” power cut- which sounds more like something that was on the agenda at the last Republican meeting.

So, in a week rife with satirical possibilities and bursting with the opportunity for some political humour, viewers got to watch an all time fan favourite episode entitled “Scott Tenorman Must Die”.

Many viewers inserted ‘Republicans’ in the place of Scott Tenorman and experienced a happy, glowing feeling after viewing. The choice was kind of relevant as the episodes features Cartman trying to trick a boy into eating his own parents, which is about as counterproductive as the recent shutdown.

So, whilst the whole of America had waited to see how South Park was going to give the Republicans their typical brand of satirical treatment, the creators of the series sat in the dark. There was little that Parker and Stone could do to change the situation, so they probably spent their time writing new material by candlelight or playing mobile games at sites like www.mobilecasino.mobi – at least until their batteries went flat.

The power cut hit Los Angeles for several hours and made it impossible for the South Park production crew to meet their Comedy Central deadline, and Parker summed it up succinctly when he said it sucked.

The title of episode 1704 was “Goth Kids: Dawn of the Posers.” Which kind of sums up the way most of Republicans look when they don their dark suits. It could also have been reference to the fact that they continue to carry on like they are smoking some serious weed; and we all know goth kids do drugs. Either way, viewers will have to wait and see, that’s if the plug doesn’t get pulled out again next week.

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television0 Comments

Rush Limbaugh Crushed Under Falling Vending Machine

Rush Limbaugh Crushed Under Falling Vending Machine

PALM BEACH COUNTY, FL – Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was flattened Sunday after a freak accident involving a vending machine left the 61-year-old with multiple injuries.

Just 24 hours after issuing an apology to law student Sandra Fluke for calling her a “slut” and “a prostitute” on his live show, EMTs rushed Limbaugh to nearby Palm Beach County Hospital, where the radio personality is being treated for excruciating rib damage, three broken fingers and a fractured cheek bone. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Celebrity Gossip1 Comment

Hecklers Repeatedly Ruin “Last Comic Standing” Legend Ant’s Set

Hecklers Repeatedly Ruin “Last Comic Standing” Legend Ant’s Set

The sold out crowd who showed up to see the wickedly funny Ant paid to see a solid performance, but what they got instead was incessant heckles and jeers from the crowd, some quite delightful.

The Los Angeles show was only about five minutes in when a clearly intoxicated woman in the front row yelled “Hey Ant, why do you have such a huge dick? That thing’s too big, you should go home and take awesome pictures of it!” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Infamously Inflammatory Film Footage Found of Frisky Ironman ‘Fulfilling’  A Fabulous & Famous ‘Friend’

Infamously Inflammatory Film Footage Found of Frisky Ironman ‘Fulfilling’ A Fabulous & Famous ‘Friend’

Ha! Ha! I have it!

I have got the goods on that famous super hero Tony Stark, also known to the world as the crimson clad can of condensed carbon-steel contorted to his contours creating a cacophonous conjuring of conjunctures known as Ironman.

Yes, I know he is known as that super capitalist capable of creating capable combat conglomerations with capabilities of carnage compiling that could catastrophically castrate a caustic foe.

He is also a super handsome, super cool, super rich, super snide son of a bitch who has everything he wants. Everything that we don’t have.
Therefore we have the right to hate him.

But now I have the goods on him. I have this photo which will ruin forever his Playboy allure and wipe that snitching grin off his face. This will be his biggest outing since he told the world he was Ironman.

HERE IT IS! (With a picture I copped from Wonder Boys)

Here is the evidence of him sharing his bed with……oh my God…..no….no…it can’t be!
NOOOOOOOO! He is sleeping with SPIDERMAN!!!!!!
It is Peter Parker, Spiderman’s alias!
Oh God! I could rip the eyes out of my sockets!
My childhood hero in bed with Ironman!
Aaaarrrgh! The walls of my life are crashing down!
My idol, my god, my inspiration for living is sleeping with….sob….Ironman!!
The superhero so cool he made cool obsolete!
The person I wanted to be when I grew up and still do!
Gaaaaahhh! How can I go on?

Excuse me, dear readers, while I unplug my computer and use it to to beat my face in agony.
Adieu!

Here’s the original video:

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip2 Comments

FBI Agent Believes Mary Kennedy ‘May Have Acted Alone’

FBI Agent Believes Mary Kennedy ‘May Have Acted Alone’

WESTCHESTER, NY – Despite inevitable conspiracy theories to the contrary, an FBI agent heading up a preliminary investigation into the apparent suicide of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s estranged wife Mary Kennedy believes that Mrs Kennedy may have acted alone.

Federal agent Curtis Howard believes that Mary Kennedy was solely responsible – with no accomplices – for the death Wednesday night of Mary Kennedy, who was found hanged in a barn outside of a house belonging to her ex-husband. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip1 Comment

Lana Del Rey Distraught Over Backwards Spelling of First Name

Lana Del Rey Distraught Over Backwards Spelling of First Name

LOS ANGELES — The winner of a Q Award for her song “Best New Thing” and an MTV Europe Music Award for “Best Alternative Act,” American singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey is devastated that her first name spelled backwards is A-N-A-L.

“Growing up, I never realized it,” said the 28-year-old GQ Woman of the Year. “I actually thought my name was pretty unique. You know, I grew up around a lot of Jessicas, Sarahs, Rachels, and I always thought my name was kind of cool. Now I envy those girls.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Al Franken Reportedly Butthurt Over C-SPAN Broadcast

Al Franken Reportedly Butthurt Over C-SPAN Broadcast

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Critics on the right and left are calling for C-SPAN to apologize after one of its production crew members wrongly configured Senator Al Franken’s identification bar during a broadcast, leading to heaps of butthurt.

The incident occurred late Sunday evening, when Franken was on the network’s panel to discuss his support for immigration reform. When the identification bar materialized on-screen, it listed him with the title of “Al Franken D-Moron,” rather than the appropriate title of Minnesota. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics0 Comments

Scandal: Obama Admits Pansexual Affair

Scandal: Obama Admits Pansexual Affair

WASHINGTON – Tears and beers were the currency in the West Wing as news broke that President Barack Obama confessed to a “torrid and greasy” pansexual affair.

Obama could scarcely hold back the tears as he recounted to the press details of his many intimate encounters with a Cuisinart 2000 frying pan during the period of October 2011 to January 2013, when he finally was enough relieved by entering into a second term and broke off the relationship. Describing the affair Obama said: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds

Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds

CARLISLE, MASS — Celebrity Carpenter and Former Host of PBS’s long-running “New Yankee Workshop” series Norm Abram allegedly went on a mass sawing spree late last night, leaving 11 people with beautiful, finely-built sheds, sources report.

Experts claim that all of the sheds are currently in stable condition – if not downright sturdy condition – and, knowing Norm, will probably last a lifetime. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip2 Comments

Human Really Impressing Other Humans Right Now

Human Really Impressing Other Humans Right Now

We’ve lived on this planet for thirty-five years now, and though we have easily adopted their mannerisms, assumed their practices, and assimilated their languages, we think it’s safe to say there are some things that we will never understand – as sure as Rumyliak has three suns and Gorpin was a grifter.

Lately, we have become increasingly fascinated (as much as a Rumyliakan can be fascinated, huhuhu) with what terrestrians call “Celebrities”. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment1 Comment

Obama under fire for calling Quvenzhane Wallis the C-Word

Obama under fire for calling Quvenzhane Wallis the C-Word

President Barack Obama joked about a wide variety of subjects on Saturday at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, but has outraged some with the distasteful quip he made about Quvenzhane Wallis, the Academy Award nominated nine-year old ‘Beasts of the Southern Wild’ actress.

Obama began his speech by entering to the rap track “All I Do Is Win” and went on to joke about not being “the strapping young Muslim Socialist” that he used to be.

He followed with “And Quvenzhane Wallis is kind of a c*nt, right?” He then went on to a presentation of shots featuring himself with his wife’s bangs. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics1 Comment

Page 10 of 25« First...89101112...20...Last »
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial