Author: Will Johnson
Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care
It is now an established scientific fact that global warming is taking place around the world. You can see it everywhere. Glacier National Park is melting. Huge slabs of ice in the Polar Regions are dropping into the sea like…
Oceanic Airline to Charge for Existential Angst
Los Angeles – GlossyNews.com – Oceanic Airlines has announced plans to institute a surcharge ranging from $5.00 to $57.50 for passengers transporting books which exhibit existential angst, says company spokesperson Macine Galvertson. “In the future a hefty surcharge will be…
Study: Listening to ABBA May Raise Infants’ IQ’s, Curiosity
A new study by the Millennial Institute of Advanced Research on 2150 newborn babies in Minnesota has found a significant increase in IQ scores of babies forced to listen to old ABBA songs at least two hours a day. “This…
Sarah Palin Perfectly (Pant-)Suited for Supreme Court
News-Ruse hereby endorses former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin to fill the next vacancy on the U.S. Supreme Court. We at News-Ruse know that Palin is not a lawyer but the Supreme Court already has lawyers. Look at…
Narco-Terrorism Tour for Fearless Gringos Announced
Nuevo Laredo, Mexico – GlossyNews.com – The Nuevo Laredo Tourist Department (NLTD) has announced its newest tourist attraction, the Narco-Terrorism Tour for Gringos, which is to be launched August 10 from Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. “This exciting adventure will appeal to…
Baptist Minister Performs Exorcism on Stock Market
New York, NY – GlossyNews.com – “DEMONS OF VOLATILITY, COME OUT!” So declaimed the Rev. Buster Shillerberg yesterday afternoon on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange. The diminutive Reverend Shillerberg spoke in loud oracular tones that rolled like…
Elderly Pensioner OD’s on LOST DVD Box Set
Akron, Ohio – GlossyNews.com – Ralph McFarden spent thirty years in the Sacramento sewer system. The waste engineer reportedly had a long and satisfying career with the Akron Waste Management Department before finally retiring to his modest home overlooking the…
Ancient Greek High School Unearthed
Athens, Greece – GlossyNews.com – Archaeologists digging in the Greek Peloponnese in the region of ancient Sparta have reported the amazing discovery of a virtually intact Spartan high school once attended by at least 100 students. The Spartans were the…
Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening
New York – GlossyNews.com – According to informed sources the government has come up with an imaginative solution to the problem of invasive image scanning at airports. Many travelers, especially women, have complained about the fact that the new scanning…
Scientists Discover Rare Pygmy Bigfoots
Vancouver, BC – GlossyNews.com – In what may finally put to rest the perennial “Does Bigfoot exist?” controversy, a team of Canadian scientists from Saskatchewan State College announced Tuesday that it has discovered a race of pygmy Bigfoots living deep…