Author: Rusty
Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia
The day prior to the kick-off of September’s Melbourne International Film Festival its executive director Bluey McBruce received a most bellicose telephone call from a certain Mr Flip Flop Fong – the senior official at the Chinese consulate in the…
Shameless Saudis on the Green Energy Cadge Make Fools Beyond their Dress(es)
There was a veritable abundance of Third World countries present – and on their usual scrounging missions – at the recent U.N. climate talks in Bangkok. All present were attempting to convince anyone stupid enough to listen that they definitely…
Man Dressed as Sheep Barbequed
A tartan-clad football hooligan is due to appear in court today to face charges concerning an incident in which an Aberdeen Woolybacks team soccer fan wearing a ‘black sheep’ Halloween fancy dress costume suffered second degree burns after being set…
Scumwood Barmaid Bankrupts Benefits Agency
A part-time barmaid and career welfare cheat was today convicted of multiple counts of benefit fraud. Bronmai Lawson was given a 12 month suspended prison sentence and ordered to perform 150 hours of unpaid Community Service duty as a ‘pavement…
Celebrity Egocentric Obviously Jailed for Assault
One of the UK’s legion of shit-for-brains overpaid Premier League footballers broke a woman’s nose with a single head butt after declaring, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m an effin’ millionaire”, a jury sitting at Smegmadale Assizes heard in…
The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’
A horror story that has it’s Kafkaesque–Orwellian origins rooted in the date of 2nd June 2008, has now come – a year and a half later – a haunting full-circle from when more than 500 of the Met’s finest plods…
School Brands Five-Year Old Racist Pig
Let me tell you about Oriole Jaffacake. He’s a very bright five-year old child and comes from a nice home. Oriole is extremely polite, courteous and a normal healthy boy in both mind and body – and has a friend…
Phillies Fan Flogs Golly for Tickets
An American woman charged with offering sex in exchange for World Series baseball tickets maintains she has committed no crime nor done anything wrong by flogging her golly on the internet. “I’m not embarrassed about my actions but I’m effin’…
Guilty Verdict for Chavette Cat Killer
A 16-year-old Camberwell chavette has been ordered to perform 200 hours of community service work for the crew of HMS Belfast after being found guilty of drowning a cat which lived on the battleship. The teenager, Chantelle McSlag, who can’t…
Middle Kingdom (China) Makes Green Energy 1st, Holds the Lead
Chinese car maker BWB today announced it is about to release a prototype electric vehicle capable of revolutionizing the world of motoring. Senior BWB (Big Wheel Barrow) design engineer Dr. Flip Flop Fong – the man responsible for power steering…