Author: Rusty
Welcome to the EU’s New Dark Ages
Under the latest stupid EU ruling the manufacture and import of 100 watt incandescent light bulbs in Britain will be banned in favour of the CFL energy-saving variety – by which you can’t see to read – or write –…
NHS Euthanasia Policy a Real Killer
As New Labour’s plan to slash the National Health Service workforce by 10% – from doctors to drudges – encounters caustic criticism, the Department of Ill-Health mandarins switch tracks and are now ordering nursing staff to cut all palliative care…
Study: Cellphones Hard-Boil Brains
A 2008 joint survey undertaken by the Department of Odd Behaviour in conjunction with the Ministry for Falling Over, concluded that the use of a mobile phone definitely has an adverse effect on brain activity, although it conceded there were…
Passenger Forced to Fix Faulty Airliner
Holidaymakers avoided a long delay to their flight home when a passenger with an Irish army knife, a roll of duct tape and a claw hammer fixed a mechanical problem with their plane.
UK Teenage Nutters Planned Columbine 2: The Wrath of Khan
Two teenagers planned to blow up a local shopping mall and strafe their school with gunfire in a massacre timed to coincide with the anniversary of a mass-murder killing spree at a US school, a British court heard today.
False Flag Burka Gang Strike Again
A burka-clad man – or woman – was part of a gang of armed raiders being hunted by police after pirate DVDs worth an estimated £100 were stolen from the Smegmadale branch of Cockbuster Video.
Arctic Now Hot Enough to Grow Grapes
Arctic temperatures are now higher than at any time in the last 2,000 years according to a personal report given to Fox News by the dipshit UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon who has just spent the past week wandering around in…
Zagat: Prison Grub Beats Hospital Food
Researchers from the government’s Institute for Wasting Time & Money have recently decided that the food provided in HM Prisons is better than in NHS hospitals – which ultimately may support the pointless argument that people live longer in prisons…
Police Chief Faces Racist Probe from “Damn Darkies”
According to a report leaked to the Daily Shitraker by an anonymous source inside the Metropolitan Police Authority (Sergeant Candida Muffrot) an independent investigation has begun into claims of racism against Ms. Catherine Crawfish, the 95-year old Gorgonesque chief executive…
Fat Camp for Porky Kids Opens to Poor Food Reviews
Reporters from the Daily Shitraker have uncovered a secret plan formulated by Sir Erwin Bogbrush – New Labour’s Minister for Orwellian Studies – to send overweight children on a draconian NHS enforced slimming regime.