NHS Euthanasia Policy a Real Killer

As New Labour’s plan to slash the National Health Service workforce by 10% – from doctors to drudges – encounters caustic criticism, the Department of Ill-Health mandarins switch tracks and are now ordering nursing staff to cut all palliative care of elderly patients and promote a policy of drastic Nazi-era euthenasia to make ends meet.

The planned workforce cuts on the already-ailing public health service were intended to close a massive Treasury budget gap larger than Arizona’s Grand Canyon – caused through perpetrating illegal invasions and wars in Afghanistan and Iraq – bailing out the insolvent criminal banksters last year – plus reimbursing swathes of exorbitant MP’s dodgy expense claims – all billed to the total detriment of the impoverished public purse.

One contrived scheme by Business Secretary Lord Scandalson to increase the cost of the National Health stamp contribution by 15% while cutting NHS staff by 10% – and effecting a policy of selective euthenasia on anyone misfortunate enough to get hospitalised once past their statuary pension age of 65 – was shot down in flames and scuttled after the banner headline of “Pay More for an Early Grave with the NHS” appeared across the front page of the Sunday Shitraker.

In a letter to the Genocide Gazette a group of medical experts who care for the elderly and terminally ill claim that some patients are being wrongly labelled as close to death and helped along by nursing staff to go and collect their harp and wings – or pointy tail, horns and trident.

Under NHS dictats being imposed across England to force doctors and nursing staff to re-assess the prognosis of elderly patients, they can then have fluid and drugs withdrawn and many are put on continuous sedation to dope them out of their brains until they croak.

As a result the scheme is causing a “national crisis” in geriatric patient treatment, the letter states. It has been signed by several palliative care experts including Professor Jack McScrunt, Emeritus Professor of Penguin Studies at the prestigious University of Smolensk; Dr. Rupert Fuctifino, NVQ1 Plumbing Technology; and Arthur Ratskill, Resident Taxidermist for the Society of Undertakers.

Their unanimous opinion is that forecasting death is a most inexact science and patients are being diagnosed as close to meeting their Maker without regard to the fact that the diagnosis could be wrong and they are actually asleep.

As a result a national wave of discontent is building up, as family and friends witness the denial of fluids and food to patients classified as ‘not worth further effort’.

The warning comes just a week after a report by the Patients Association estimated that up to one million patients had been peremptorily snuffed under the new NHS Euthenasia scheme.

The scheme, called the Liverpool Care Pathway (LCP) was reportedly designed to snuff swathes of hospitalised professional benefit-sponging Scousers under the guise of reducing patient suffering in their mortal final hours, but secret documents leaked by whistleblowers at the Depatment for Ill-Health prove the overall intention was “Snuff the oldies and save a few bob so we can cut NHS staffing and afford to invade Iran.”

Originally devised by the Nazis in the mid-1930’s, the scheme was dusted off and re-hashed by the New Labour government’s Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence in January.

While being initially developed to get shut of benefit-cheat Scouse gits and terminal cancer patients it has now been modified to include anyone of pension age who is hospitalised with such life threatening conditions as being hungry or thirsty – or says they won’t for vote New Labour in the next general election.

However if a patient is judged to be still compos mentis and asks for something to eat or drink, then they might be offered a plate of fish and chips or a meat pie and a can of Red Bull as this is considered nursing care rather than medical intervention.

Under the new decrees the decision to diagnose that a patient is close to death is usually made by the cleaning staff – accompanied by the senior janitor.

They look for signs that a patient is approaching their final hours by performing ‘response tests’ such as poking them with a sharp pencil – and if they don’t wake up, scream or react violently – then disconnect their life-support systems and wheel them down to the mortuary for transplant organ harvesting of any bits still functional.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com