Author: P. Beckert
Pentagon Buys J.D. Salinger’s Toilet for $1 Million
HOBOKEN, New Jersey (GlossyNews) — The Pentagon today announced that in keeping with the President’s unofficial request to keep spending to a minimum, it would henceforth be purchasing many items used from the popular auction site, eBay at considerably less…
Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among…
Forget Doomsday Prophecies; Beer Prices are Skyrocketing
SOMEWHERE, USA (GlossyNews) — Another Friday the 13th came and went without incident. It’s as if the Universe doesn’t take itself seriously anymore. Mars can run retrograde and Saturn can be humping Venus (relatively speaking of course) and still life…
This Friday the 13th Predicted to be Astronomical Doozy
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister…
Nevada Republican Senate Candidate Pimping Herself to the Media
RENO, Nevada (GlossyNews) — Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she’s willing to show up on their…
Apple Developing Drone Phones for Use While Driving
CUPERTINO, California – (Glossy News) Already iPhone 4 owners are being pulled over by the thousands and ticketed for using their new multi-tasking phones while driving, an illegal act in most states. Iphone 4 owners are complaining to Apple that…
Spontaneous Pot Combustion in Church Rectory Causes High Mass
WORCESTER, Massachusetts – (Glossy News) – Police and fire crews were called to Our Lady of Perpetual Forgiveness in Worcester, Massachusetts last Saturday evening when a church secretary called to report a strange smell emanating throughout the chapel where mass…
Show Up For Work Naked, No One Cares Anymore
All you newly-graduated business college graduates, listen up. There is no longer a need to go out and spend a fortune on expensive power suits and dresses in order to look your best at that all-important job interview, if, in…
Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say
From Astronomy Daily: While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that…
Sarah Palin Attempts to Crash Clinton Wedding
WASILLY, Alaska (Glossy News) — In a scene right out of The Real Housewives of New York, Sarah Palin had her bus driver drive her bus (he drove, she and Todd flew via private jet) all the way across country…