Author: Laurence Brown
Most of Local Man’s Afternoon Spent Pressing 9 for More Options
INDIANAPOLIS – Attempting to pay a past due balance on his cell phone bill Monday, Indianapolis resident Patrick Overton spent the better part of this afternoon, which could otherwise have been devoted to finally getting around to fixing that shed…
Tornado Causes Widespread Improvement Across Central Indiana
ANDERSON – A violent tornado that ripped through the heartland of America yesterday has left thousands of damaged homes looking slightly better than they did before the catastrophe. A level-3 warning was issued on Monday ahead of projected storms and…
God Gay
In a stunning revelation that is set to turn the Christian world on its head, Almighty God has admitted that He is a homosexual. The Lord Above also talked at length about the “steamy and tumultuous relationship” He has had…
Guy In Starbucks Pretty Sure Job Interview Happening on Next Table
INDIANAPOLIS – Enjoying an orange mango smoothie at a Starbucks in downtown Indianapolis Thursday, local man Zach Needham was fairly certain that some sort of job interview – probably for a really high-end position – was taking place at the…
107-Year-Old Woman Not That Same Sprightly 89-Year-Old She Used to Be
GOSHEN – Celebrating her 107th birthday recently, centenarian Gladys Cadwell admitted Friday that, by golly, she is not that same, zesty 89-year-old she once was. Waxing philosophical about those grand old times of 18 years ago, Cadwell conceded that she…
‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books
MUNCIE – In a disguised attempt to let you know that he is exceptionally well-read, an acquaintance today informed you that the latest Hollywood blockbuster you are planning to view this weekend is no way near as good as the…
Corporation Now Firing
INDIANAPOLIS – The city’s employment figures were tweaked Friday, as Corporate Technology Services (CTS) – an established call center corporation on the westside of Indianapolis – revealed that it is now firing. Expected to begin the firing process in earnest…
Report: Churches to Outnumber Christians by 2035
INDIANAPOLIS – According to a study conducted by the United States Census Bureau, the number of Churches located in Indiana is likely to become higher than the state’s total number of Christians by the year 2035. The findings, which were…
Elvis Impersonator ‘Sounds Uncannily Like Elvis Impersonator’
BLOOMINGTON – Friends and colleagues of Elvis impersonator Arnold Mason agree that the 47-year-old sounds and looks uncannily like hundreds of other Elvis impersonators. A resident of Bloomington, IN, Mr Mason has performed Elvis hits up and down Indiana for…
Stage Actor Arrested After Knocking Dead 47 Audience Members
INDIANAPOLIS – Police arrested a 35-year-old man last night after eye-witnesses reported him knocking dead the 47 theatre goers who came to see his portrayal of Iago in a community theatre production of Shakespeare’s Othello. Brian Mathis, a longtime member…