Tornado Causes Widespread Improvement Across Central Indiana

ANDERSON – A violent tornado that ripped through the heartland of America yesterday has left thousands of damaged homes looking slightly better than they did before the catastrophe.

A level-3 warning was issued on Monday ahead of projected storms and wind gusts across parts of Indiana, with the towns of New Castle, Anderson and Daleville benefiting most from the disaster.

“When I saw this great big tornado hurling toward us, I was petrified,” said mother of three Kanesha Jones. “But when I noticed the improvements it had made to my front porch, I got down on my knees and thanked the Lord.”

“Now, my house is only slightly lopsided,” she continued.

Meanwhile, the tornado, which also made its way into eastern Ohio, is believed to have completely destroyed dozens of unsightly, disrepaired barns across the Hoosier State, and has “added character” to hundreds of dilapidated houses.

“We are just thankful that the twister didn’t strike anywhere of note, such as Indianapolis,” said Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels. “From what I’ve seen in the news, it looks like I won’t have to issue as many state funds toward housing development as I first thought.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.