Author: Laurence Brown
Indiana Mom Prepares Child For His First Full Day of No More Fun
INDIANAPOLIS – With around two weeks to go until the start of school, Indiana mom Annette Nichols is anxiously getting her 6-year-old son ready for his first day of what will ultimately be no more fun. Enrolling him in classes…
Brutal, Merciless Shooting Thankfully Not Linked to Terrorism
NEW YORK, NY – A brutal shooting that recently left 2 people dead and several wounded outside the Empire State Building is not believed to be linked to terrorism, say relieved news sources. Even though 11 people were wounded after…
Romney: Screw It, I’ll Give $300k to Everyone Who Votes for Me
WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to win over the average working American, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to give away his entire wealth to the American people, declaring: “enough with politics: I’ll give three million freaking…
Huckabee Asks RNC Organizers if He Can Bring His Bass
TAMPA, FL – Gearing up to play a memorable part in the 2012 Republican National Convention this week, former Arkansas Governor and presidential campaigner Mike Huckabee has asked RNC organizers if it would be okay for him to bring along…
Pre-Movie Announcement Advises Moviegoers to Put Kids on Silent
CASTLETON – Prior to its 5:35 screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks, a cinema today advised patrons to make sure all babies were switched off and that any children between the ages of 4 and 11 remain on silent throughout…
God Quietly Blessing Other Nations
HEAVEN – According to celestial insiders and various mythical figures, His Lordship and Creator of All Things, Almighty God has been quietly blessing nations other than the United States of America. Even though much of His time – which is…
Martian Emperor: Hands off Our Water
MARTIAN EQUATOR – Following the successful landing of NASA’s Mars Rover early this morning, the President of Mars has released a statement to Earth’s leaders, insisting: “hands off our water or there will be consequences.” Speaking today from the planet’s…
Fox News to Add Laugh Track
NEW YORK CITY, NY – The Fox News Network has announced plans to include a laughter track in its daily broadcasts in an effort to aid viewers, who have reportedly struggled to decipher between the show’s serious and humorous segments….
Leaked Tax Returns Reveal Romney Barely Scraping by on Food Stamps
WASHINGTON D.C. – In what could prove a decisive blow in the race for the White House, newly released Tax documents have revealed that presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is just barely scraping by on food stamps. Romney’s reluctance…
Woman Guilty of Murdering Bohemian Rhapsody
INDIANAPOLIS – Following numerous eye witness testimonies, Indianapolis resident Joanne Benson has been found guilty of murdering the 1975 Queen hit, Bohemian Rhapsody, during a 6 minute ordeal inside a local bar. More than 20 people have come forward to…