Woman Guilty of Murdering Bohemian Rhapsody

INDIANAPOLIS – Following numerous eye witness testimonies, Indianapolis resident Joanne Benson has been found guilty of murdering the 1975 Queen hit, Bohemian Rhapsody, during a 6 minute ordeal inside a local bar.

More than 20 people have come forward to say they saw a “highly intoxicated” Miss Benson, 30, butcher the popular hit using a jacked microphone. A backing track recording is believed to have been an accomplice in the crime.

“You see this kind of thing happening on TV, but you don’t expect to bare witness to it in your own bar,” said Nathan McDonald, a barman at the Feisty Mouse pub. “The woman must have downed 6, maybe 7 cocktails. But it’s still shocking to watch a human being totally kill one of the greatest songs ever written. It was just horrible.”

Officials have not ruled out the possibility that the murder may have been premeditated, after Miss Benson was apparently seen asking the bar’s DJ whether or not Bohemian Rhapsody featured in the venue’s song book.

“This was clearly not just a random act of murder,” said Indianapolis resident Michelle Gatting. “Joanne Benson knew full well what she was doing and I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole thing was planned over the past several Friday nights. Everyone is so devastated by what has gone down.”

Meanwhile, the appalling attack is also believed to have left Total Eclipse of the Heart and Hey Jude in critical conditions.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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