Indiana Family Shocked to Find It’s Not 1987

GOSHEN – As most Americans were busy celebrating the coming of 2012 at midnight last night, the Albrecht family of Goshen, Indiana were surprised to find that they had not just ushered in the year 1987.

Rocking away the night to a cassette recording of Aerosmith’s Permanent Vacation album – a favorite among the Albrechts – the family insisted that it was an “enormous shock” to find that Western civilization had advanced some 25 years since they last checked.

“I’m just blown away,” said dad Guss Albrecht, whose hairstyle and general clothing choices remain reminiscent of the late eighties. “Perhaps the beer just went to my head or something.”

“I just remember listening to Dude (Looks Like a Lady) when Jolene turned up the TV. Some presenter on Fox News announced that it was, like, 2012 and I was like, whoa!”

“And then I was, like, what the Hell is “Fox News”?

Expecting to find Walk Like an Egyptian atop the Billboard Hot 100 this morning, family matriarch Jolene said “it’s as though I’ve been through some kinda time warp, or something.”

“We’re just glad to be here in one piece,” she said. “I just cannot believe some of the hairstyles on these 21st Century folk. I think some of them need to see my stylist.”

Meanwhile, the Albrechts – not known for their political observations – were nonetheless “completely taken aback” by the bizarre sight of that black guy sitting in President Reagan’s chair.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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