Author: Kilroy
Pat Robertson Puts Hit on Manning
Pat Robertson put a cosmic bounty on quarterback Peyton Manning, damning him to be injured this season as retribution for the Denver Broncos getting rid of Tim Tebow. “Hey, The Saints had the same system. Never second-guess a saint,” said…
Clarence Thomas attacked by zombie of Thurgood Marshall
A brutal attack on Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Tuesday night has been traced to the zombie of Thurgood Marshall. The attack occurred following a news story revealing a possibly unethical relationship between Justice Thomas and real estate kingpin Harlan…
Doomsday Prophet Admits Using LOST to Predict Rapture
Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes…
Dung Becomes Newest Clean Energy
Fibrominn, LLC in Benson, Minnesota has the distinction of being the first U.S. power plant fired by turkey droppings in an effort wean the U.S. from fossil fuel to fecal fuel. And the turkeys couldn’t be happier. The plant burns…
GlossyNews Swallows [Pride] and Merges with Twitter
Following a precipitous plummet in readership, the once formidable political satire site Glossynews announced today that it will be merging with Twitter to create internet’s the first 140 character satire site. Glossynews found itself in trouble shortly after insisting on…
Leno Heckled by the Ghost of Johnny Carson
After dispatching Conan O’Brien from the helm of “The Tonight Show”, Jay Leno returned triumphant months ago, only to be confronted by the heckling ghost of Johnny Carson, apparently still haunting the late-night set. Appearing nightly for months during Leno’s monologue,…
The Salahis Wounded Crashing 50 Cent’s Christmas Party
Last year’s Whitehouse state dinner crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi were critically wounded last night while crashing rap-artist 50 Cent’s Christmas blow-out. Details remain sketchy, however, several witnesses reported an altercation erupted shortly after the couple entered 50 Cent’s residence….
Sarah Palin’s Mojo Explained by Voodoo Research
Scientists researching the phenomena of Politically Incorrect Mass Propaganda Syndrome (PIMPS) announced a breakthrough into the biggest question of 2010: “What makes Sarah Palin perpetually politically relevant?” After statistically modeling data from thousands of successful people, researchers contend that the…
Local Satirist Found Dead; Fowl Play Suspected
DUNCAN, OK (Glossynews)– A local satire writer has been found dead in front of his home from multiple gunshot wounds. The assault apparently took place late last night. Police aren’t releasing any information, but several alleged eyewitnesses who prefer to…