Author: Fuzzy Duffy
Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming
“DEAR EDITOR: I am 48 years old. “Some of my conservative friends say there is no Global Warming. “The UN says, ‘If you see it in a peer reviewed journal it’s so.’ “Please tell me the truth; is there Global…
Courts: Police Authority Can Be Sexually Transmitted
Atlanta, GA, (GlossyNews): A Federal Court of Appeals today set a stunning new precedent with their decision in the case of Mego-Mart, et al v. Doe. According to the unanimous ruling, official law enforcement powers, and, specifically, police arresting authority,…
New York Man Guilty of Dying Without License
New York City, NY (GlossyNews): A New York man was held without bail today on charges of dying without a license. Arresting office, and legendary Parking Meter Compliance Enforcement Specialist Miami Fickle, told the Court in sworn testimony, “I knew…
Terrorists Win: Bin Laden “Pleasantly Surprised” w/ NYC 9-11 Show Trial
Deep in the Mountains of Pakistan: Osama Bin Laden gave a rare press interview today to BSNE and other members of the international media. Commenting on the Obama Administration’s decision to try the mastermind of the 9-11 Attacks, Khalid Sheik…
Conservatives Disappointed w/ Palin Book: Thought “Going Rogue” Referred to Wearing Underwear
New York, NY: Legions of former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, supporters reacted with disappointment with her new tell all book, “Going Rogue,” according to national opinion polls. The poll of approximately 5,000 self identified conservatives showed that while 52% “enjoyed…
Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism, “Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide”
This is a teachable moment in how we, as Americans, fail to understand differing cultures and values from around the world. As a Muslim, Major Hasan may have had a broader outlook on what actually constitutes assisted suicide, and we should respect that. Perhaps to Islamic sensibilities, assisted suicide in the medical profession has more of an ‘involuntary’ component than we have in the West.
“Screw Everyone But Me” to Replace “In God We Trust” on Dollar Bill
Washington, DC: Congressional leaders from both parties shared praise for each other today on the announcement of the official change of the national motto. “In God We Trust,” has been the official motto of the United States since the 1950’s,…
Congress: Health Care Reform to be Funded by Mysterious Nigerian Prince
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told BSNE at a Capitol Hill news conference, initial contact with Prince D’Uod Mababe was made by Pelosi herself. “I was checking my e-mail in my office when I happened to glance on one that caught my attention,” disclosed Pelosi. “It was titled ‘Help Me in My Financial Distress,’ so naturally, I assumed it was a constituent and opened it. To my surprise, it was not a request for social services, but an offer of financial support!
Stocks Soar on Good News: Foreclosure-Related Suicide Hits All Time High
New York, NY – Stocks surged in early trading today on news from the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta that the rate of suicide in the United States directly attributable to the foreclosure on victims homes reached an all…
EPA: Free Speech Causes Global Warming
Washington, DC (BNSE): The Environmental Protection Agency released its updated quarterly findings today, which placed “Free Speech Carbon Emissions” as “one of the largest unchecked sources of Carbon Dioxide contamination in North America.”