New York City, NY (GlossyNews): A New York man was held without bail today on charges of dying without a license.

Arresting office, and legendary Parking Meter Compliance Enforcement Specialist Miami Fickle, told the Court in sworn testimony, “I knew two and a half weeks ago the guy was going to be trouble. He was parked under a bridge, and when I went to ticket his car for illegal parking, he just sat there in the driver’s seat, holding his chest and going, ‘Help me, help me.’ Continue Reading

Deep in the Mountains of Pakistan: Osama Bin Laden gave a rare press interview today to BSNE and other members of the international media. Commenting on the Obama Administration’s decision to try the mastermind of the 9-11 Attacks, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, in civilian court in New York City; a near giddy Bin Laden announced, “The terrorists Win!” Continue Reading

New York, NY: Legions of former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, supporters reacted with disappointment with her new tell all book, “Going Rogue,” according to national opinion polls. The poll of approximately 5,000 self identified conservatives showed that while 52% “enjoyed the book,” and “agreed with its message and goals for America.” However, a whopping 87% expressed “disappointment” in that “the book failed to deliver what they expected to see.” Continue Reading

Washington, DC: President Obama was quick to urge calm today in the wake of the Fort Hood Massacre. In his remarks, the President urged Americans “to wait until all the facts are in” before drawing conclusions as to the motives of the assailant, Army Major Nidel Malik Hasan. Continue Reading

Washington, DC: Congressional leaders from both parties shared praise for each other today on the announcement of the official change of the national motto. “In God We Trust,” has been the official motto of the United States since the 1950′s, when the Eisenhower Administration codified the century old saying on our currency into law. The current change was rushed through Congress this week as an amendment to the House health care bill, and is believed to have swayed several key Representatives to support the legislation. Continue Reading

Washington, DC: Congressional Representatives from both sides of the aisle celebrated today with the announcement of an offer to completely fund American health care reform via e-mail from a mysterious Nigerian prince.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters at a Capitol Hill news conference, initial contact with Prince D’Uod Mababe was made by Pelosi herself. Continue Reading

New York, NY – Stocks surged in early trading today on news from the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta that the rate of suicide in the United States directly attributable to the foreclosure on victims homes reached an all time high in the first half of 2009.

“This is an encouraging sign for the economy as a whole,” a prominent Wall Street trader told BNSE. Continue Reading

Washington, DC (BNSE): The Environmental Protection Agency released its updated quarterly findings today, which placed “Free Speech Carbon Emissions” as “one of the largest unchecked sources of Carbon Dioxide contamination in North America.” Continue Reading

Washington, DC (BSNE): Amid much fanfare, Congressional leaders from both parties announced a new series of aggressive raise revenues to off set the skyrocketing Federal Budget Deficit. At the top of the Initiative is to offer the Bill of Rights for sale to interested parties on eBay. Continue Reading