Author: Dexter Sinistri
Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia
In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer. “It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen…
Walmart Discontinues Slim, Regular Cuts in Favor of Husky Sizes
Walmart, the undisputed reigning purveyor of plus-sized clothes in America at any price, has announced this week that they will discontinue sales of “slim” and “regular” cuts in favor of an all-husky line of clothing. “It just makes sense,” says…
Kim Jong Un Can Fix North Korea, And Here’s How
Since the death of his father, Kim Jong Il, Kim the third has struggled to establish what kind of leader he is. If he’s smart, or even just sagely selfish, he’ll open the country and become the richest man on…
The Myth of the GOP Repeal & Replace Talking Point
It was difficult for Republicans to fight against Obamacare. While they tried to vilify it, people actually liked what it stood for, and the rebate checks from premiums didn’t hurt either. But in opposing something designed to fix a national…
Established, High-Karma Reddit Accounts Being Sold
Apparently your karma is worth more than you know. All those years of clicking and commenting on stories, maybe they’re actually worth something. One site has Reddit accounts for sale, and they’re not shy about it. ThePublicityFirm.com says “We have…
General Mills Out of Egypt: We’re Not Coup-Coup for These Cocoa Puffs
International food conglomerate and global diabetes proponent General Mills this week announced that they’ll be shuttering operations in Egypt, following unrest, citing “things to cuckoo even for us.” The 2nd largest buyer of corn syrup in the history of the…
Exclusive Interview: Julianna Rose Mauriello – Stephanie from LazyTown
Following a number of articles on Glossy News, Julianna Rose Mauriello, formerly Stephanie of LazyTown fame, agreed to sit down with us for an exclusive interview over Skype. READ ALSO: • Stephanie from LazyTown Arrested for Prostitution? • Julianna Rose…
Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets
Jason Just-Jason-Guy comes to this unmarked, semi-private club at least four nights a week to hear bands you’ve never heard of interpreting songs you woulnd’t get, but he wonders if he looks right. “I put on some bracelets,” explains Jason,…
*80% of “Pirated Tracks” Already Legally Owned
The RIAA and their cronies like to claim tirllions in lost record sales, mere pennies of which the actual recording artists eventually see, but Maybeth Barker of Parketh, Illinois is part of the trend that bucks the system. I downloaded…
Edward Snowden, Known Criminal, Actually a Hero?
The NSA was doing bad things, Snowden knew it even as a low-level contractor, and he blew the whistle. (In)conveniently, Obama has removed “protect whistleblower” from his website, but maybe this makes it all the more poignant. Here’s this guy,…